Ed Wood
People CHEER. Ed is flabbergasted.
ED I’ve never seen anything like him!
BUNNY And once I’m a woman, Jean-Claude and I are getting married —
ED (eyes glued to the ring) Ssh! He’s so big! He’s a monster! Can you imagine what that guy would be like in a movie?
ON TOR
He screams maniacally in Swedish. Tor lifts the Opponent over his head and tosses him into the stands. Three rows of chairs get knocked over.
CUT TO:
EXT. WRESTLER’S BAR – NIGHT
A tiny miniature European car pulls up. Tor Johnson is squeezed inside — ludicrously oversized for this vehicle. Tor carefully wedges himself out and enters the bar.
INT. WRESTLER’S BAR – SAME TIME
This rowdy bar is packed with burly WRESTLERS. Tor walks in, and men cheerily yell out: “Hey, Tor!” “Hi, Tor!” Tor grins. In person, he actually seems a jolly, outgoing fellow.
Ed waves from the corner
ED Mr. Johnson, over here!
Tor smiles and lumbers over
ED Glad you could fit me in your schedule.
TOR (in a hoarse SWEDISH ACCENT) Da pleasure be mine.
They shake hands. Ed’s hands look like a baby’s in Tor’s giant mitts.
Tor tries to sit in the booth. But he can’t fit.
TOR Could we moovf to table?
ED Oh, of course!
Ed jumps up. They move to a large table. Now Tor is happy. He starts shoveling beer nuts into his mouth.
ED So, Mr. Johnson —
TOR Tor!
ED Tor. Have you ever thought about becoming an actor?
TOR (he CHUCKLES) Mm, not good-lookink enough.
ED I think you’re quite handsome.
TOR No. With hair, yah. But I must shave head for wrestlink. It scare da crowds. Dey like that.
Ed smiles.
ED Well, I think you’d be a sensation in pictures.
TOR But what bout accent? Some people tink I haf too much accent.
ED Nah, that doesn’t matter! It’s a visual medium.
A WAITRESS saunters over.
WAITRESS Tor, what can I get ya?
TOR I’ll haf eight beers.
WAITRESS (nonchalant, to Ed) And you?
ED Uhh, I’ll have just one.
She walks off. Tor shakes the now-empty nut bowl.
TOR And more nuts!
Ed tries to grab Tor’s attention.
ED So anyway, I’ve got this new script, “Bride Of The Atom,” and there’s a part you’re ideal for: “Lobo.” He’s tough. A brute. But he has a heart — and at the end he saves the girl.
TOR (he laughs merrily) I like. When do movie shoot?
ED Hopefully, very soon. I’m just awaiting the final okay from Mr. Feldman at MGM.
CUT TO:
INT. ED’S BEDROOM – LATE NIGHT
Ed and Dolores are asleep. Suddenly the phone RINGS. Ed fumbles for it and groggily answers.
ED Wood Productions…
We hear Bela’s weak VOICE.
BELA (on phone) Eddie… help me…
ED Bela?
BELA (on phone) Eddie… please come over —
CLICK. The phone hangs up. Ed is very alarmed.
EXT. BELA’S HOUSE – LATE NIGHT
The wind is blowing. Ed’s Nash roars up, and he jumps out, a coat over his pajamas. He runs up and POUNDS on Bela’s door.
ED Bela?!
Ed tries the door. It’s unlocked.
INT. BELA’S HOUSE – SAME TIME
Ed steps into the dark room, and is stunned by what he sees: Bela is slumped on the floor, pasty white, eyes glazed. A rubber tube is tied on his arm, and a HYPODERMIC NEEDLE lies next to him.
The dogs crouch behind him, whimpering, despondent, Bela looks up through half-opened eyes.
BELA Eddie… my friend.
Aghast, Ed runs over.
ED Bela, what happened?!
BELA I didn’t feel well…
ED Let me take you to the hospital.
BELA No hospital. Just take me to the couch…
Ed nods. He picks up the old man and carries him across the room to the couch. The large portrait of Bela, young and robust, peers down.
ED Should I call a doctor?
BELA Nah. This happens all the time…
Ed puts a pillow under Bela’s head.
ED Is there anything I can get you? Water? A blanket?
BELA Goulash.
ED (distressed) I don’t know how to make goulash.
Ed sits next to him. An awkward pause.
ED What’s in the needle?
BELA Morphine, with a demerol chaser. (he starts crying) Eddie, I’m so broke. I don’t know what I’m gonna do…
ED Don’t worry. I’ll do something.
CUT TO:
EXT. MOVIE STUDIO GATE – MORNING
Ed stands outside MGM, talking into a phone at the guard gate.
ED (on phone) Mr. Feldman! I haven’t been able to get through, so I just showed up. Yeah, out front! So, are we gonna be working together? (his face slowly falls) Really? Worst film you ever saw…? (beat) Well, my next one will be better. (beat) Hello?
INT. ED’S HOUSE – DAY
Dolores tries to cheer up gloomy Ed. He’s wearing angora.
ED I’m no good.
DOLORES Ed, it’s just one man’s opinion!
ED Bela needs a job… I can’t even get a film going… (listless) But of course I can’t — I made the worst movie of all time.
DOLORES That’s ridiculous.
Ed sighs.
ED All I wanna do is tell stories. The things I find interesting…
DOLORES Well maybe you’re not studio kind of material. Maybe you just need to raise the money yourself.
Ed looks up.
INT. BANK – DAY
