Ed Wood

ANGLE – ED

He leaps up euphorically. He eagerly pumps Georgie’s hand.

ED Thank you! Bless you, Mr. Weiss! I promise I won’t let you down!

CUT TO:

INT. ED’S APARTMENT – DAY

CU on a ROYAL TYPEWRITER. Ed’s hands whirl across the portable typewriter, frantically feeding in pages as fast as be can type. We PULL OUT.

Ed sits on the bed, typing. He’s a blur of activity, juggling a cigarette, coffee, and a telephone, while he writes.

ED (on phone) But Bunny, you’re perfect for this job! You’re so good at organizing.

His adrenalin is pumping. Ed pours some booze into his coffee.

ED You know these people. I need all the transsexuals and transvestites you can get. (he sucks on his cigarette) No, I don’t care if they’re not actors. I want realism. I want this film to tell the truth! I’ve waited my whole life for this shot, and I’m not gonna blow it.

There’s a KNOCK at the door. Ed carries the phone on a long cord and answers it. Bela hurries in, smiling broadly.

BELA Eddie, you got a new movie for me?!

ED Yeah, it’s gonna be a great picture! You’ll love your character! (back into the phone) Bunny, Bela’s here. Look, hit the bars, work some parties, and get me transvestites! I need transvestites!

Ed hangs up and resumes typing. Bela is puzzled.

BELA Eddie, what kind of movie is this?

ED Well, It’s about how people have two personalities. The side they show to the world, and then the secret person they hide inside.

BELA (delighted) Oh, like Jekyll and Hyde! Ah, I’ve always wanted to play Jekyll and Hyde! I’m looking forward to this production.

Ed stops typing. He pours Bela a drink.

ED Ehh, your part’s a little different. You’re like the God that looks down on all the characters, and oversees everything.

BELA I don’t understand.

ED Well… you control everyone’s fate. You’re like the puppetmaster.

BELA (getting it) Ah, so I pull the strings!

ED Yeah. You pull the strings — (he suddenly gets a look) “Pull the strings”… hey, that’s pretty good!

Ed quickly starts typing again.

CUT TO:

INT. ED’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Ed and Dolores sit at a card table, finishing up dinner. The dogs eat scraps below them. ED Wipe off your hands. I’ve got a little surprise for you… (he smiles nervously) I finished my script. Ed anxiously pulls out a pile of pages. Dolores looks in awe at the cover: “‘GLEN OR GLENDA’ By Edward D. Wood, Jr””

DOLORES Ed, I’m so proud! I’ll read it as soon as I get home. ED (apprehensive) Well, I’d really like to know what you think. Why don’t you go in the bedroom and take a look at it? I’ll Wait…

There’s an uneasy moment between them. She senses something funny. Dolores takes the script and goes into the bedroom. The door closes. Ed starts pacing… DISSOLVE TO: INT. BEDROOM – LATER Dolores reads the script. She finishes the last page, then looks up. She is very shaken. Dolores stands. She grabs the door and opens it.

THROUGH THE DOORWAY Ed stands somberly in drag. He’s in a pantsuit, heels, and pink angora sweater. Dolores is totally rattled. She struggles for a response. DOLORES So that’s where my sweater’s been. Ed silently nods. DOLORES How long have you been doing this?

ED Since I was a kid. My mom wanted a girl, so she used to dress me in girlie clothing. It just kinda became a habit.

DOLORES Jesus Christ! And you never told me?

ED This is my way of telling you —

DOLORES (furious) What, by putting it in a fuckin’ script, for everyone to see?! What kind of sick mind would operate like that?

Ed is terribly hurt. Dolores shakes tht script.

DOLORES And what about this so-called “Barbara” character? It’s obviously ME! I’m so embarrassed! This is our life!

ED (quiet) Of course it is. And that’s why you should play the part.

DOLORES Oh! You got nerve, buddy. He calmly points at the script. ED It’s a damn good role.

DOLORES That’s not the issue!! (she suddenly stops) Ugh! How can you act so casual, when you’re dressed like that?! ED It takes me comfortable. DOLORES Oh, just like in the script!

Ed smiles serenely.

ED Exactly. (he takes her hand) So what do ya say? Do you wanna break up… or do you wanna do the movie with me?

Dolores sighs.

CUT TO:

INT. SCREEN CLASSICS – DAY

The hallway is filled with eager TRANSVESTITES. It’s a very festive atmosphere, and Bunny tries to create some order.

Inside the busy office, Paul types, and Conrad cranks a mimeograph machine.

CONRAD It’s good to have a job. Now I can get my phone reconnected.

In a corner, Georgie angrily waves the script at Ed.

GEORGIE I thought this was gonna be a sex- change film!

ED (defensive) There’s still a sex-change —

GEORGIE Yeah! Five pages right before it ends! The rest of the show is about some schmuck who likes angora sweaters.

ED I don’t think he’s a schmuck.

GEORGIE And what’s with this new title?! My poster says “I CHANGED MY SEX”!

ED So change the poster. Trust me, you’ll be better off. This is a story that’s gonna grab people. (he goes into a pitch) It’s about this guy. He’s crazy about this girl but he likes to wear dresses. Should he tell her? Should he not tell her? He’s torn. George, this is DRAMA.

Georgie throws up his hands

GEORGIE Fine, shoot whatever baloney you want! I give up. Just make sure it’s seven reels long.

CUT TO:

EXT. STREET – EARLY MORNING

We are on location for Ed’s first film! A SMALL CREW of a dozen unpacks the camera and reflectors from their cars. Ed’s voice rises above the hubbub.

ED (O.S.) Excuse me, could I have everyone’s attention?! Could you gather around? I’ve got something to say.

The crew members put down their things and gather in a circle. In the middle, we reveal Ed, in complete drag. Dress, nylons, pumps, lovely blonde wig… he’s quite a sight. Like an eager Scoutmaster, he addresses his troops.

ED Everybody, we’re about to embark on quite a journey. Four days of hard work… but when it’s over, we’ll have a picture that’ll entertain, enlighten, and maybe even move millions of people.

A COUPLE GRIPS glance at each other.

ED Now the only way we’re gonna achieve all this is if we stay on schedule. Day one — TODAY — we’ll start easy. We have eighteen silent scenes that can be shot quickly: Cars parking, Patrick’s suicide, me strolling as a man, me strolling as a woman, etc. (beat) After lunch, we’ll bring in the Inspector and the Doctor. The Doctor is very important to the plot, so we might have to spend time on retakes. But it’s worth it. Scene totals for the first day is thirty-four. (he catches a breath) Day Two, we’ll be a little busier —

Veteran CAMERAMAN BILL, an old guy with thick glasses, speaks.

CAMERAMAN BILL Excuse me Eddie, I don’t mean to interrupt… but I’m gettin’ a little worried about those clouds.

He points up. Everybody looks at the sky. The clouds are gray.

Ed nods in agreement.

ED Good thinkin’. We’ll talk about Days Three and Four later. Now let’s get that first shot off! It’s Scene 17, Glenda looking in the window.

THE CREW

disperses. Ed quickly runs in his heels over to the burly make-up man, HARRY.

ED Okay, do I need any touch-up?

MAKE-UP MAN HARRY I’m telling ya, eyelashes are the way to go.

ED (irritated) Harry, we’ve discussed this a million times. I don’t want to look like a girl. I want to look like myself.

MAKE-UP MAN MARRY (disgruntled) Fine. Then you look beautiful.

Harry humorlessly powders Ed’s nose. Ed turns away and suddenly SHOUTS into a giant megaphone.