Ed Wood
LECTURER We have the wisdom to govern and the divine right to inherit the earth in good condition. We have the power to build worlds.
Ed leans in to Bela.
ED Was I wrong to cast Loretta?
BELA Bad decisions are easy to live with. Forget. Just keep looking forward.
ED But was it a bad decision? At the time, I thought her money would save the movie.
BELA Eddie, you screwed up.
ED (he nods) Yeah, I did.
CUT TO:
LATER
The lecture is over. The speaker shakes hands with people. Bela leads Ed along.
BELA In life, the decisions that haunt you are the ones where you just don’t know… where right or wrong will never be answered. (beat) Years ago, the Hungarians contacted me. The government wanted me to come home, to be Minister of Culture.
ED Really?
BELA It was a very impressive offer. Fancy offices, a big home… I’d be treated like a king.
ED So why didn’t you do it?
BELA I didn’t know if it was a trick. They might arrest me and throw me in a gulag. (pause) I am Hungary’s most famous emigrant. they’d use me as a lesson to anyone who tries to leave.
ED But maybe not.
BELA Correct. So instead, I stayed here, waiting for my comeback. Always hoping… the next film, the next film… that would be the one.
They reach the exit. Ed stops in the huge doorway.
ED Your next film. That will be the one.
Bela smiles sweetly.
CUT TO:
INT. MCCOY MEATPACKING PLANT – DAY
We’re in a noisy meat-packing plant. WORKERS in blood-stained aprons slam cleavers into hunks of beef.
Ed walks down an aisle with DONALD E. McCOY, a wealthy Texan meat man. Old Man McCoy is a tough-talking, tobacco-chewing, straight shooter.
ED …and then Dr. Vornoff falls in the pit, and his own octopus attacks and eats him! The End.
OLD MAN McCOY Whew! That’s quite a story. So you made the movie, and now you want to make it again?
ED (gently correcting him) No. We shot ten minutes of the movie, and now we’re looking for completion funds.
OLD MAN McCOY Son, you’re too vague. I come from the world of business. I need to know what I get for my investment.
ED Movies are very popular. You could make a lot of money.
OLD MAN McCOY Yeah, but most of ’em flop, don’t they? What am I tangibly guaranteed?
ED Well… you get “Executive Producer” credit.
OLD MAN McCOY That don’t mean diddley. (he suddenly SHOUTS angrily) BILLY BOB! You’re cutting ’em TOO LEAN.
McCoy grabs a CLEAVER from a worker and slams it into a chop.
ED Mr. McCoy, how can I make you happy?
OLD MAN McCOY Cut to the chase, heh? That’s good! That’s very good.
McCoy SPITS his tobacco.
OLD MAN McCOY Okay, two things. Number one: I want the movie to end with a big explosion. Sky full of smoke.
ED But the story ends with Dr. Vornoff falling in the pit —
OLD MAN McCOY Not anymore. And number two: I’ve got a son. He’s a little slow — but a good boy. And something tells me he’d make a hell of a leading man…
Under Ed’s cheery frozen smile, his face clearly falls.
CUT TO:
INT. SALT LAKE CITY AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
We’re at a ROWDY wrestling match. Tor Johnson is in the middle of a screaming, four-man tag-team event. Tor THROWS his opponent to the ground; then tags with his partner and goes to the corner.
Suddenly a WRESTLING COACH runs up, dragging a telephone on a very long cord.
WRESTLING COACH Tor, you got a phone call!
TOR Heh? NOW?
WRESTLING COACH They said it was an emergency!
He hands sweaty Tor the phone. Tor speaks into it.
TOR Hallo?
ED’S VOICE Tor, this is Ed! Glad I could find you! I got the money, and we resume shooting tomorrow morning!
TOR But I’m in Utah.
ED’S VOICE Then you’ll have to drive all night! I’m counting on you, big guy. Breakfast is at seven.
CLICK. Ed hangs up. Tor is flabbergasted.
CUT TO:
INT. SOUNDSTAGE – EARLY MORNING
“Bride Of The Atom” is back in production! Ed’s stock company is reunited. People drink coffee and gossip.
PAUL MARCO This is unbelievable! I woulda bet a million bucks that Ed wouldn’t finish this picture.
CAMERAMAN BILL It ain’t finished yet. Anything could happen.
The stage door opens and standing there, in silhouette, is Dolores. Everybody quiets. People glance nervously at Loretta.
BUNNY Uh-oh. Stay out of scratching distance.
AT DOLORES
Ed runs over. Dolores is beautifully made-up, and wearing a furry angora sweater. Ed speaks, awkwardly.
ED Honey, you made it! I wasn’t sure you got my message.
DOLORES (icy) Of course I’m here. Today is the file clerk’s big scene.
ED That’s right…
DOLORES I see the usual gang of misfits and dope addicts are here. (she looks around) Say, who’s the lug?
In a corner, standing by himself, is dumb TONY McCOY, Old Man McCoy’s worthless son. He’s a good-looking, moody hunk. Tony is practicing his lines from a script, but he’s terribly stiff.
TONY “Now Janet, I want you straying away — oops — staying away from the old Willows Place.”
Ed shrugs.
ED That’s Tony McCoy. He’s playing Lieutenant Dick Craig.
DOLORES Oh really? How much money did he put up?
ED None. (beat) But his dad gave me fifty grand.
DOLORES (snide) Wood Productions. The mark of quality.
ED Hey, the movie’s getting made. That’s the main thing.
Dolores shakes her head contemptuously. Then she strides off.
Ed stands alone, feeling bad.
WIPE TO:
ON STAGE
The set is a one-wall “office hallway”: A doorway and a water cooler. Loretta sits in a make-up chair, as Harry works on her.
DOLORES (O.S.) Hey Harry — long time no see.
Harry turns, surprised. Dolores stands behind him. There’s a thick tension. He smiles anxiously.
MAKE-UP MAN HARRY Hi Dolores…
LORETA Oh, you’re Dolores?! I’ve heard so much about you! I’m Loretta King. (she chipperly jumps up) Here, take the chair.
DOLORES (bitchy) Don’t be silly — let Harry finish. You still need more work.
LORETTA No, I’m done. All I needed was a touch-up.
DOLORES Mm, that mole still shows.
Loretta frowns. Ed quickly steps in.
ED Ladies! You both look fine. Why don’t we talk about the scene? (beat) Okay. Janet Lawton has discovered that Dr. Vornoff bought the old Willows estate. So now she wants to prove that all the monster stories are true.
Dolores nods sourly. She s in a trouble-making mood.
DOLORES Eddie, what’s my motivation?
