Alice in Wonderland
believe how uncivilized the animals
WHITE RABBIT (CONT.) are up there. They wander around entirely
unclothed, growling and barking and
yipping. And they do their.. .ahem…
shukm in public. Can you imagine? I
had to avert my eyes! I’m still very
upset by the entire experience.
THE DODO
Let’s have a look at her.
The Dodo removes his glasses to study Alice.
THE DODO
She could be the right Alice.
The TWEEDLES have Dee and Dum embroidered on their collars.
TWEEDLEDEE And if she was, she might be.
TWEEDLEDUM But if she isn’t, she ain’t.
TWEEDLEDEE But if she were so, she would be.
TWEEDLEDUM But she isn’t. Nohow.
ALICE But you don’t even know me.
Dum shakes her hand, speaking very fast.
TWEEDLEDEE How d’ye do? I’m Tweedleehe’s
Tweedledum.
TWEEDLEDUM Contrariwise. I ‘mTweedledum
he ‘sTweedledee.
TWE EDLEDUM And who are you?
ALICE Alice.
He points an accusing finger at her.
TWEEDLEDtJM
Wrong!
Dee shakes her hand.
TWEEDLEDEE How dye do? Wrong Alice.
ALICE How can I be the ‘wrong Alice”
when this is dream?
DOflO
We should consult the Oraculum.
THE PLATYPUS
Eggsactually.
TWEEDLEDEE I’ll fetch it.
Tweedledee runs off.
TWEEflLEDUT1
No. I will.
Tweedledum grabs him and pulls him back.
TWEEDLEDEE No, I will!
Dum grabs flee and drags him back. Then flee drags flum, then flum
drags flee. This goes on, neither of them getting anywhere.
DORMOUSE Omaque, fetch the Oraculum.
There’s a good duck.
The Platypus goes off while the Tweedles still tussle.
TWEEDLEDEE Leave of f!
TWEEDLEDUIVI Let go!
TWEEDLEDEE Not now! Nohowl
ALICE (to the Rabbit)
Are they always this way?
WHITE RABBIT Family trait.
The Platypus returns carrying an ancient PARCHMENT, yellowed
with age and rolled into a SCROLL. He places it with great
reverence on a broken pedestal. Alice reads the title.
ALICE “The Oraculum: Being a Calendrical
Compendium of tJnderland’
The Dodo unrolls the scroll. It’s a timeline depicting the
major events of each day. Every day has a title and an
illustration.
ALICE It’s a calendar.
THE DODO
Compendium. It tells of each and
every day since the Beginning.
You see, here is Griblig Day…in
the Time of the Bloody Queen.
Dee points to the illustration.
TWEEDLEDEE That being today. Griblig.
TWEEDLEDUM I thought today was being
Quillian.
THE DORMOUSE
It’s Griblig. Tomorrow’s Quillian.
PLATYPUS Eggsactually.
Alice looks at the illustration. It shows all of the animals
peering at the Oraculum, at that exact moment.
ALICE Curious.
THE DORMOUSE
In Underland, we have a name
for every day.
ALICE So do we. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday…
WHITE RABBIT But ours never repeat.
ALICE The names never repeat?
DODO Why would they when no day is
ever the same?
ALICE But don’t you get confused?
ALL BUT TWEEDLEDUM Just Tweedledum.
TWEEDLEDUM Not so!
The White Rabbit glances skyward nervously.
WHITE RABBIT I really must be off now. There
