Alice in Wonderland
The Bloodhound sniffs the ground, picking up Alice’s trail. He
BAYS and runs off. Stayn strokes his panther’s neck.
THE PANTHER
Dogs will believe anything.
EXT. THE CROSSLING – DAY
The Bloodhound sniffs the ground. It howls again following
Alice’s path into the woods.
EXT. THE TULGEY WOODS – DAY – CONT.
As Alice and the Cat proceed, he disappears then reappears
ahead.
CHESIRE CAT This way.
He disappears again, reappearing ahead.
CHESIRE CAT (cont.) Over here.
ALICE Will you stop doing that?
CHESIRE CAT The Queen’s Knights are everywhere.
I’d like to keep my head if you
don’t mind. Here we are.
EXT. HOUSE OF THE MARCH HARE – DAY
The house is living thing…part hare part house. The chimneys
are ears, the roof is thatched with fur. The picket fence is
rabbit feet…doorknob a bunny tail. Windows are pink rabbit
eyes which look round and blink.
A tea party is in progress in the yard. The MARCH HARE suffers
a mental disorder. He’s slovenly. His nice clothes have gone
to seed and he twitches. The MAD HATTER wears a colorful, odd
admixture of clothing from across time, including the iconic
tattered top hat. He has an intense energy driven by his
passion for the “cause” which lends him a very sexy quality.
He’s the first human Alice has encountered.
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They’re all laughing at the Dormouse who’s standing at one end
of a long table doing an imitation of Alice’s encounter with
the Bandersnatch.
THE DORMOUSE
“He can’t hurt me…he can’t hurt
me!” He was about to do her in. So
I had to go up there and pop out its
eye. I keep it with me for good luck.
She holds up the Bandersnatch’s eye. They react to the sight
and smell.
MAD HATTER Put it away, Mallymkun. It’s
frumi ous.
The Hare/house’s window/eyes shift. One ear taps the March
Hare on his head. They turn to see Alice and the Chesire Cat.
THE DORMOUSE
Well, look what the cat dragged in.
MAD HATTER The very Alice in question.
MARCH HARE Join us for tea? Are you free
for tea? Tea, anyone?
CHESIRE CAT I’m not staying.
He disappears.
ALICE He’s always doing that.
THE DORMOUSE
Don’t we know it.
MAD HATTER Chessur lives to please himself.
MARCH HARE (sings)
Only himself, always himself.
Just him, his own self.
The Cat’s reappears, sitting in a chair.
CHESIRE CAT Fine, a cup of tea then.
The Hatter offers Alice a chair.
MAD HATTER Have a chair.
THE DORMOUSE
There’s no room.
ALICE There’s plenty of room.
Alice sits down in an empty chair. The Hare screams suddenly.
MARCH HARE Not there! Can’t you see the
dishes are dirty? And there’s no
time to wash them! We’re already
late for tea! Move down! Move
down!
They all get up and move down one place. The Hatter holds the
chair for Alice again. He studies her.
MAD HATTER You don’t look anything like
yourself.
And yet, there’s something very familiar about him.
ALICE Have we met?
He smiles enigmatically.
CHESIRE CAT Now I’ve brought Alice toyou,
you can’t say I’ve done nothing
for the cause.
MAD HATTER (sarcastically)
Yes, thank you for the heroic
effort. We’ll take the rest
of revolution from here.
CHESIRE CAT You’ll pardon me if I don’t give a
guddler’s scut who wears the crown.
The Red Queen has never bothered me.
The Hatter angrily slams his fist onto the table.
MAD HATTER No matter that she’s enslaved
