Alice in Wonderland
CUT TO:
INT. THE RED QUEEN’S CASTLE- DAY
A long hall is lined with FROG FOOTMEN. The RED QUEEN’S voice
emerges from behind closed doors.
RED QUEEN (0.5.) I had three hundred and thirty
three exactly. I count only three
hundred and thirty.
The Footfrogs look at each other nervously. The doors bang
open to reveal IRACEBETH the RED QUEEN. She has a huge
oversized head, extremely large features, and bright red hair.
She strides accusingly down the long row of nervous Footfrogs
followed by a Fish Butler.
RED QUEEN Someone helped themselves to
three of my squimberry tarts. If
the guilty one does not confess.
he will rue the dayl
She leans into the face of a frog.
RED QUEEN (cont.) Did you steal them?
The frightened Frog shakes its head.
FOOTFROG #1 No, your Majesty.
RED QUEEN Did you?
FOOTFROG #2 No, your Majesty.
She walks down the row, studying the faces of each frog. At
the end, she whirls around to leer into the face of one
trembling frog.
RED QUEEN Did you steal my tarts?
FOOTFROG #3 (terrified)
No, Your Majesty.
She reaches out and wipes a telltale bit of jam from the side
of its mouth. She holds her finger up and sniffs the juice.
RED QUEEN Squimberry.
FOOTFROG#3 (confessing)
I’m so hungry and they smelledso good.
The Queen’s face turns beet red with fury.
RED QUEEN He stole my tarts! OFF WITH HIS
HEAD! Red Knights converge on the guilty Frog.
FOOTFROG #3 No! Please…I have little ones
to look after! I’m begging you!
The Knights drag him out. The Queen turns to the Fish Butler.
RED QUEEN Go to his house and collect the
little ones. I love tadpoles
on toast points…almost as much
as I love caviar.
The Fish butler suppresses his revulsion and anger.
RED QUEEN (cont.) Anyone else want to steal my
tarts?
The Frogs are silent, eyes straight forward.
KNAVE OF HEARTS Maj esty?
The Queen’s face lights up to see him.
RED QUEEN Ilosovic Stayn…you knave.
Where have you been lurking?
He drops to his knee.
KNAVE OF HEARTS In the south, Majesty, rooting
out White Loyalists in Snud and
Witzend. On our return, we were
rounding up random creatures for
your castle staff when I found this.
He hands her the Oraculum. She barely looks at it.
RED QUEEN An old parchment roll. How nice.
KNAVE OF HEARTS Majesty. It’s the Oraculum.
RED QUEEN The Oraculum? I thought it would
be more ornate. It looks so ordinary
for an oracle.
He lays it on a table and rolls it out.
KNAVE OF HEARTS Look here. On the Frabjous Day.
He shows her the illustration of Alice (with her back to the
reader)fighting with the Jabberwocky.
RED QUEEN I’d know that tangled mess
of hair anywhere. Is it Alice?
Back again?
KNAVE OF HEARTS I believe it is.
RED QUEEN I never liked that tedious little
girl. There’s precocious and then
there’s “Ask me one more irksome
question and I’ll pluck out your
tongue.” What is she doing with the
Jabberwocky?
KNAVE OF HEARTS I believe she’s slaying it.
They look down at the illustration as the Oraculum speaks.
ORACULUM One two! One two! And through and
through….
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
Alice left it dead, and with its head
She went galumphing back.
RED QUEEN She killed my pet!
She throws the Oraculum onto the floor and kicks it in a rage.
KNAVE OF HEARTS No. It hasn’t happened yet. It will
occur on the Frabjous Day.
RED QUEEN I knew the little pratter wasn’t
as innocent as she appeared. I
