Alice in Wonderland
half the population!
CHESIRE CAT I don’t know any of them personally.
MAD HATER No matter that she stole the crown
from her sister!
CHESIRE CAT The White Queen should have
put up a better fight.
MAD HATTER No matter the Red Queen rules
with fear, terror and torture!
CHESIRE CAT I fail to see what any of that
has to do with me.
MARCH HARE He failed! He must be punished!
Shall we butter his ears?
The Hare picks up a butter knife.
The Hatter puts a hand on
his arm, speaking Outlandish.
MAD HATTER Naughtier usel, Thackery. Chessur
being siurvish…
CHESIRE CAT (insulted)
Si urvish!
MAD HATTER You are, Chessur. You always
have been. You’ll never change.
CHESIRE CAT And you’re always so angry, Tarrant.
I remember when you used to
enjoy life. You used to do the
best Futterwacken in all of Witzend.
The Hatter’s smile is brief andbittersweet.
MAD HATTER On the Frabjous day, when the White
Queen wears the crown again. On
that day I’ll Futterwacken.
The Hatter and the Cat look at each other like
bitter,
estranged brothers.
CHESIRE CAT Look after that arm, Alice.
He disappears. Alice turns to the others.
ALICE I want you to know, right off.
I’m not slaying anything.
THE DORMOUSE
As if you could.
ALICE There must be another way for
me to get back to where I came
from.
MAD HATTER No other way. It’s slay the
Jabberwocky with the Vorpal
MAD HATTER (CONT.) sword at Brillig on the Frabjous
Day.
ALICE I’m not that Alice!
The Hare puts his hands on his ears and shouts.
MARCH HARE Stop all the shouting! I
cannot abide the shouting!
He throws a teacup at her. She ducks to avoid it.
MAD HATTER But you’re the only Alice
we’ve got. Without you, the
Resistance will fail.
The Hare/House taps March Hare on the shoulder again.
MARCH HARE Red Knights!
Hatter takes a small bottle from his pocket.
MAD HATTER Drink this.
ALICE No I
They throw her down onto the table and force the liquid down
her throat. She gags and coughs then shrinks to three inches
high. They stuff her forceably into a teapot and cram her now
extremely over-large clothes in behind her. They cram and
cram.
ALICE (muffled)
Stop!
They stop. Alice’s head emerges from the pot.
ALICE You’re suffocating me with
my dress.
The March Hare picks up a sharp knife, wild-eyed.
MARCH HARE We’ll hack it off!
He hacks most of her dress off and they stuff her back in.
The Hatter closes the lid.
MAD HATTER Watch your head.
INT. THE TEAPOT – DAY
It’s dim inside, except for a stream of light from the spout.
She bangs on the lid.
ALICE Let me out!
EXT. THE TEA PARTY – DAY – CaNT.
MAD HATTER (to the Dormouse)
Gallymog-gers.
The Hatter does a headstand in his chair. The Dormouse climbs
into a soup tureen. The Hare lays on the table. The Bloodhound
runs in, nose to the ground, followed by Stayn and the
Knights.
MAD HATTER Greetings, gentlemen-
KNAVE OF HEARTS Well, if it’s not my favorite trio
of lunatics.
The Hare dips his pocket watch into his teacup and looks at
it.
MARCH HARE You’re late for tea, as usual.
