Alice in Wonderland
USE THE DRAPERIES IF YOU MUST
BUT CLOTHE THIS ENORMOUS GIRL! She smiles up at Alice.
RED QUEEN (cont.) You’ll be my new favorite.
The Courtiers exchange nervous, competitive glances,
especially the LADY with the very long ears.
CUT TO:
INT. THE QUEEN’S CASTLE – THE GREAT HALL
Big Alice, clothed in a hastily constructed garments, walks
next to the Queen as she proceeds down the great hall which is
filled with more Courtiers. Like the others, each Courtiers
has an outsized body part: chins (double, triple, quadruple),
derrieres, lips, feet, breasts, etc. Their appendages seem
oddly disproportional and they allwear strained, forced
smiles as if this thin veneer of elegance covers some greater
pain.
Along with the Footfrogs, DUCKS serve as waiters, their beaks
bound tightly and used as serving platters for drinks and
tidbits. Alice is shocked to see the DUCK-BILLED PLATYPUS
among them. At the sight of her, his eyes indicate his
recognition, but his beak is tied shut. MONKEYS hold up tables
and chairs with their arms and heads. GUINEA PIGS serve as
doorstops, some piled one on top of the other. Exhausted BIRDS
hover, flapping their wings to stay aloft with lamps hung from
their beaks. There are humans too, thin, bedraggled SCULLERY
MAIDS and FLOOR SWEEPERS. There is a pervasive sense of the
bizarre and grotesque in the Red Queens’ court and everyone
seems to be suffering, animal and human.
RED QUEEN We’ll take tea in the parlor.
She goes into the parlor followed by Alice and the Rabbit.
Alice has to duck to fit through. The whole court attempts to
follow, led by LADY LONG-EARS. The Queen turns on them.
RED QUEEN (cont.) Just me and my new favorite.
She kicks the guinea pig doorstop away and the door closes in
their faces. LADY LONG-EARS is very upset by the rejection.
INT. THE PARLOR – DAY – CONT.
The Queen plops down on a settee held up by SPIDER MONKEYS who
strain and tremble under the weight. She kicks of f her shoes
and holds her legs up in the air.
RED QUEEN I need a pig here!
A small pig hurries over and lays down belly up. She puts her
feet on his belly and sighs.
RED QUEEN (cont.) I love a warm pig belly for my
aching feet. Would you like one,
Uum?
Alice perches on a small stool to avoid sitting on an animal.
Her knees are bent up almost to her chin.
ALICE No, thank you.
RED QUEEN Where are my Fatboys? You must
meet them! Fatboys!
Alice is shocked as the Tweedles are led into the parlor by a
Footfrog. Their faces have been painted and powdered with
hearts on their cheeks and red heart lips. They’re bound
together by a gold belt around their waists, like twin pets.
RED QUEEN (cont.) There they are! Aren’t they adorable?
And they have the oddest way of
speaking. Speak boys. Amuse us.
They keep their eyes lowered, downtrodden and silent. The
Queen kicks Tweedledum.
RED QUEEN (cont.) Speak!
Dum lifts his eyes and sees Alice. He nudges Dee.
TWEEDLEDUM Is that being…?
White Rabbit frowns and gives a tiny shake of his head, not to
let on.
TWEEDLEDEE No, it isn’t. Not a bit.
But Dum didn’t notice the Rabbit’s admonition.
TWEEDLEDUM Contrariwise, I believe it is so…
TWEEDLEDEE No! It ain’t so. Nohow!
He stomps on Dum’s foot to make his shut up. Dum pinches him.
Dee pinches him back and so on. The Queen laughs raucously.
RED QUEEN I love my Fatboys.
One of spider monkeys can’t hold the settee anymore. He drops
his end. The Queen crashes to the floor.
RED QUEEN Of f with their heads!
The Monkeys screech and run around. The Footfrogs attempt to
catch them. It’s chaos. Alice laughs nonchalantly.
ALICE You don’t mean that.
Everything stops. The monkeys stop screeching. The Footfrogs
stop chasing them. No one dares move. The Queen turns slowly
to fix Alice with a dark glare.
RED QUEEN Did you say something?
ALICE You can’t have the poor things
executed because they couldn’t bear
your weight. It’s just…silly.
RED QUEEN I’m going to forgive you this
time because you’re a big clumsy
girl from Umbradge and you don’t
know any better. But do not EVER
contradict your Queen!
(to the Rabbit)
Off with…
