Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
DUKE (mumbling) Dogs fucked the Pope, no fault of mine. Watch out!… Why money? My name is Brinks; I was born… Born?
GONZO Get sheep over side… women and children to armored car… orders from Captain Zeep.
The ATTENDANTS indulgently escort them through the TURNSTILES. 35.
DUKE (V/O) Ether is the perfect drug for Las Vegas. In this town they love a drunk. Fresh meat. So they put us through the turnstiles and turned us loose inside.
INT. BAZOOKO CIRCUS CASINO – NIGHT
Flames shoot up from below the casino. Above, a HIGH WIRE ACT with FOUR MUZZLED WOLVERINES, SIX NYMPHET SISTERS FROM SAN DIEGO, TWO SILVER PAINTED POLACK BROTHERS, and THREE KOREAN KITTENS.
The WOLVERINE chases a NYMPHET through the air. TWO POLACKS swing at it from opposite sides and they are instantly locked in a death battle.
All plummet to the nets suspended over the GAMBLING TABLES and SLOT MACHINES. No one looks up. The GAMBLERS REMAIN INTENT ON THE SPINNING ROULETTE WHEEL, THE TURN OF THE CARD, THE ROLL OF A DICE.
DUKE (V/O) Bazooko Circus is what the whole hep world would be doing Saturday night if the Nazis had won the war. This was the Sixth Reich.
Something causes DUKE to look down. A dwarf carrying drinks on a tray is tugging DUKE’s pants leg trying to get him to move out of the way.
DUKE (V/O CONT’D) A drug person can learn to cope with things like seeing their dead grandmother crawling up their leg with a knife in her teeth but, nobody should be asked to handle this trip.
GONZO and DUKE go upstairs walking past funhouse booths. One of them is manned by an orangutan in costume. A FAIRGROUND BARKER grabs DUKE.
FAIRGROUND BARKER Stand in front of this fantastic machine, my friend. For just 99 cents your likeness will appear 200 hundred feet tall on a screen above downtown Las Vegas.
On a TV monitor a 200 FOOT HIGH DRUNKARD looms over the Las Vegas skyline screaming OBSCENITIES. 36.
FAIRGROUND BARKER 99 cents more for a voice message. Say whatever you want, fella. They’ll hear you, don’t worry about that. Remember, you’ll be 200 feet tall!
ANOTHER BARKER Step right up! Shoot the pasties off the nipples of this ten-foot bull-dyke and win a cotton candy goat!
INT. BAZOOKO CIRCUS REVOLVING MERRY-GO-ROUND BAR – NIGHT
DUKE and GONZO sit on the revolving platform. GONZO stares — glassy eyed — coming apart.
GONZO I hate to say this, but this place is getting to me. I think I’m getting The Fear.
DUKE Nonsense. We came here to find the American Dream, and now we’re right in the vortex you want to quit. You must realize that we’ve found the Main Nerve.
GONZO That’s what gives me The Fear.
DUKE Look over there. Two women fucking a Polar Bear.
GONZO Please, don’t tell me those things… Not now. (signals the waitress for two Wild Turkeys) This is my last drink. How much money can you lend me?
DUKE Not much. Why?
GONZO I have to go.
DUKE GO? 37.
GONZO Yes. Leave the country. Tonight.
DUKE Calm down. You’ll be straight in a few hours.
GONZO No. This is serious. One more hour in this town and I’ll kill somebody!
DUKE OK. I’ll lend you some money. Let’s go outside and see how much we have left.
GONZO Can we make it?
DUKE That depends on how many people we fuck with between here and the door.
GONZO I want to leave fast.
DUKE OK. Lets pay this bill and get up very slowly. It’s going to be a long walk. (signals waitress who comes over)
GONZO (suddenly to waitress) Do they pay you to screw that bear?
WAITRESS What?
DUKE He’s just kidding. (to GONZO) Come on, Doc — lets go downstairs and gamble.
GONZO trembles with fear — walks to the edge of the turntable.
GONZO When does this thing stop? 38.
DUKE It won’t stop. It’s not ever going to stop.
DUKE carefully steps off the turntable.
GONZO, eyes staring blindly ahead, squiting in fear and confusion, rooted to the spot, is carried away.
DUKE Don’t move you’ll come around.
DUKE reaches out to grab GONZO, who jumps back — keeps going around.
The BARTENDER narrows his eyes at them.
DUKE steps onto the merry-go-round — hurries round the bar — approaching GONZO from the blind side and shoves GONZO from behind. GONZO goes down with a hellish scream. DUKE approaches him with his hands in the air. Smiling.
DUKE You fell. Let’s go.
GONZO refuses to move and stands tense, fists clenched, looking for somebody to hit…an old woman perhaps?
DUKE (CONT’D) OK. You stay here and go to jail. I’m leaving.
DUKE walks fast towards the stairs. GONZO catches up with him.
GONZO Did you see that? Some sonofabitch kicked me in the back.
DUKE Probably the bartender. He wanted to stomp you for what you said to the waitress.
GONZO Good God! Let’s get out of here! Where’s the elevator?
DUKE (turning him in the opposite direction) Don’t go near that elevator. That’s just what they want us to do… trap us in a steel box and take us down to the basement. 39.
EXT. BAZOOKO CIRCUS CASINO – NIGHT
DUKE and GONZO stumble out of the entrance.
DUKE Don’t run. They’d like any excuse to shoot us.
GONZO (in an extended fall) You drive! I think there’s something wrong with me.
INT. MINT HOTEL CORRIDOR OUTSIDE THEIR SUITE – NIGHT
DUKE AND GONZO RUN MADLY DOWN THE CORRIDOR… DUKE TAKING CARE NOT TO STEP ON THE PATTERNED PART OF THE CARPET.
GONZO STRUGGLES with the key in the lock.
GONZO Those bastards have changed the lock on us. They probably searched the room. Jesus, we’re finished!
The door SUDDENLY SWINGS OPEN. DUKE AND GONZO fall inside.
INT. MINT HOTEL SUITE – NIGHT
GONZO Bolt everything! Use all chains!
DUKE locks the door. The suite is crowded with ROOM SERVICE GOODIES. DUKE turns to see GONZO staring at two hotel room keys. EVERYTHING STOPS.
GONZO Where did this one come from?
DUKE snatches a key.
DUKE That’s Lacerda’s room.
GONZO smiles a slow smile…
GONZO Yeah… I thought we might need it…
DUKE What for?
GONZO snatches the key back. 40.
GONZO Let’s go up there and blast him out of bed with the fire hose.
DUKE No, we should leave the poor bastard alone. I get the feeling that he’s avoiding us for some reason.
GONZO Don’t kid yourself. That Portuguese son of a bitch is dangerous. He’s watching us like a hawk.
DUKE He told me he was turning in early…
GONZO utters an anguished cry — slaps the wall with both hands.
GONZO That dirty bastard! I knew it! He’s got hold of my woman!
DUKE (laughing) That little blonde groupie with the film crew? You think he sodomized her?
GONZO That’s right, laugh about it! You goddamn honkies are all the same!
GONZO SLASHES A GRAPEFRUIT with a HUGE RAZOR SHARP HUNTING KNIFE. DUKE blanches.
DUKE Where’d you get that knife?
GONZO SLICES THE GRAPEFRUIT — MANIACAL.
GONZO Room service sent it up. I wanted something to cut the limes.
GONZO SLICES THE GRAPEFRUIT — INTO EIGHTHS!
DUKE What limes?
GONZO SLICES — SIXTEENTHS! 41.
GONZO They didn’t have any. They don’t grow in the desert.
SLICE! SLICE! SLICE!
