Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
INT. FLAMINGO HOTEL – RECEPTION – DAY
A worried CLERK speaks in to the phone.
CLERK Mr. Duke? Hello, Mr. Duke, I’m sorry we were cut off a moment ago… I thought I should call again, because I was wondering… 82.
INT. FLAMINGO HOTEL SUITE – DAY
DUKE WHAT? (hand over the PHONE) What was that crazy bitch said to him? (screams) There’s a war on, man! People are being killed!
CLERK (V/O) Killed?
DUKE IN VIETNAM! ON THE GODDAMN TELEVISION!
CLERK (V/O) Oh… yes… yes… This terrible war. When will it end?
DUKE Tell me. What do you want?
In the background GONZO is upturning a sofa to retrieve his stash from the lining.
CLERK (V/O) The woman who left that message for you sounded very disturbed. I think she was crying…
DUKE Crying? Why was she crying?
CLERK (V/O) Well, uh. She didn’t say Mr. Duke. But since I know you’re here with the Police Convention…
DUKE Look, you want to be gentle with that woman if she ever calls again. We’re watching her very carefully… this woman has been into laudanum. It’s a controlled experiment, but I suspect we’ll need your cooperation before this thing is over.
CLERK (V/O) (hesitantly) Well, certainly… We’re always happy to cooperate with the police… 83.
DUKE Don’t worry. You’re protected. Just treat this poor woman like you’d treat any other human being in trouble.
CLERK (V/O) What? Ah… yes, yes, I see what you mean… Yes… so, you’ll be responsible then?
DUKE Of course. And now I have to get back to the news. Send up some ice.
He hangs up. GONZO zaps TV channels — commercials.
GONZO Good work. They’ll treat us like goddamn lepers after that.
DUKE (slowly, carefully) Lucy is looking for you.
GONZO (laughing) No, she’s looking for you.
DUKE Me?
GONZO She really flipped over you. The only way I could get rid of her was by saying you were taking me out to the desert for a showdown — that you wanted me out of the way so you could have her all to yourself. (laughing again) I guess she figures you won. That phone message wasn’t for me, was it?
A look of stunned realization from DUKE…
INT. FANTASY COURT ROOM – DAY
LUCY is on the witness stand.
LUCY Yessir, those two men in the dock are the ones who gave me the LSD and took me to the hotel. 84.
A doomed DUKE and GONZO await their fate.
LUCY I don’t know for sure what they done to me, but I remember it was horrible.
JUDGE Twenty years… and Double Castration!
The JUDGE bangs his gavel.
INT. HOTEL FLAMINGO SUITE – DAY
DUKE is madly stuffing his suitcase.
GONZO Wait! You can’t leave me alone in this snake pit. This room is in my name.
DUKE KEEPS PACKING. GONZO is looking worried.
GONZO OK, goddamnit!… Look… I’ll call her. I’ll get her off our backs. You’re right. She’s my problem.
DUKE It’s gone too far.
GONZO Relax. Let me handle this. (dials the PHONE, snaps angrily at DUKE) You’d make a piss-poor lawyer. …Room 1600, please. (to DUKE) As your attorney, I advise you not to worry. (nods towards bathroom) Take a hit out of that little brown bottle in my shaving kit.
DUKE goes in the bathroom. He finds a little bottle — a label: “DRINK ME.”
DUKE What is this? 85.
GONZO You won’t need much. Just a little tiny taste, that stuff makes pure mescaline seem like ginger-beer. Adrenochrome.
DUKE stares wonderingly at the bottle.
DUKE Adrenochrome…
GONZO (into PHONE) Hi, Lucy? Yeah, it’s me. I got your message…what? Hell, no, I taught the bastard a lesson he’ll never forget… what? No, not dead, but he won’t be bothering anybody for a while. Yeah. I left him out there, I stomped him, then pulled all his teeth out…
DUKE (V/O) I remember thinking, “Jesus, what a terrible thing to lay on somebody with a head full of acid.”
DUKE dips a match head into the brown bottle — studies it — TASTES IT — NOTHING — TASTES SOME MORE…
GONZO (to PHONE) But here’s the problem. That bastard cashed a bad check downstairs and gave you as a reference. They’ll be looking for both of you. Yeah, I know, but you can’t judge a book by its cover, Lucy. Some people are just basically rotten… Anyway, the last thing you want to do is call this hotel again; they’ll trace the call and put you straight behind bars… no, I’m moving to the Tropicana right away. I have to go, they’ve got the phone tapped. Yeah, I know, it was horrible, but it’s all over now… OH MY GOD! THEY’RE KICKING THE DOOR DOWN! (throws the PHONE down; shouts) No! Get away from me! I’m innocent! It was Duke! I swear to God! (MORE) 86.
GONZO (CONT’D) (stomps the PHONE; moans) No, I don’t know where she is. You’ll never catch Lucy! She’s gone! I swear, I don’t know where she is! DON’T PUT THAT THING ON ME! (slams the PHONE down)
GONZO sits back in his chair… watching MISSION IMPOSSIBLE.
GONZO Well. That’s that. She’s probably stuffing herself down the incinerator about now. That’s the last we should be hearing from Lucy. (fumbling with the hash pipe) Where’s the opium?
DUKE stares at the back of GONZO’s neck. SOMETHING VERY STRANGE IS HAPPENING TO HIM…
DUKE (V/O) I remember slumping on the bed, his performance had given me a bad jolt. For a moment I thought his mind had snapped — that he actually believed he was being attacked by invisible enemies. But the room was quiet again.
DUKE CLUTCHES THE BROWN BOTTLE.
DUKE Where’d you get this?
GONZO Never mind, it’s absolutely pure.
DUKE Jesus… what kind of monster client have you picked up this time? There’s only one source for this stuff — the adrenaline gland from a living human body!
GONZO turns to smile at DUKE. 87.
GONZO I know, but the guy didn’t have any cash to pay me. He’s one of these Satanism freaks. He offered me human blood — said it would take me higher than I’ve ever been in my life. (laughs — struts round DUKE — eyes bright with expectation) I thought he was kidding, so I told him I’d just as soon have an ounce or so of pure adrenochrome — or maybe just a fresh adrenaline gland to chew on.
DUKE (V/O) I could already feel the stuff working on me — the first wave felt like a combination of mescaline and methedrine — maybe I should take a swim, I thought…
DUKE sees that GONZO is TOYING WITH HIS HUNTING KNIFE…
GONZO Yeah, they nailed this guy for child molesting. He swore he didn’t do it. “Why should I fuck with children?” he says. “They’re too small.” Christ, werewolf is entitled to legal counsel. I didn’t dare turn the creep down. He might have picked up a letter opener and gone after my pineal gland!
GONZO JABS WITH THE RAZOR BRIGHT KNIFE. DUKE’S BODY IS GOING RIGID — HE SPEAKS THROUGH GRITTED TEETH.
DUKE Why not? We should get some of that. Just eat a big handful and see what happens.
GONZO Some of what?
DUKE (spitting words) Extract of pineal! 88.
GONZO (STARING AT DUKE WITH A STRANGE SMILE) Sure. That’s a good idea. One whiff of that shit would turn you into something out of a goddamn medical encyclopedia.
GONZO GROWS HORNS — HIS FACE BECOMES A MEXICAN DEMON MASK.
GONZO Man, your head would swell up like a watermelon, you’d probably gain about a hundred pounds in two hours…
A CLOVEN HOOF BURSTS THROUGH GONZO’S SHOE.
DUKE Right!
GONZO … grow claws… bleeding warts.
GONZO’S CHEST EXPANDS — BONY RIBS BURSTING HIS SHIRT.
DUKE Yes!
GONZO … then you’d notice about six huge hairy tits swelling up on your back…
A TAIL LASHES, HOOFS STRIKE THE FLOOR. GONZO TOWERS — A FLAME RED DEMON!
DUKE Fantastic!
DUKE is now so wire that his hands are CLAWING UNCONTROLLABLY at the bedspread, JERKING IT RIGHT OUT FROM UNDER HIM. His heels are dug into the mattress with both KNEES LOCKED, EYEBALLS SWELLING.
GONZO-DEMON LOOMS AGAINST THE CEILING.
GONZO you’d go blind… your body would turn to wax… they’d have to put you in a wheelbarrow and…
GONZO’S VOICE FADES AWAY — DUKE’S frenzied gaze reveals GONZO REVERTED TO NORMAL HUMAN SHAPE AND SIZE. 89.
GONZO Man I’ll try about anything; but I’d never touch a pineal gland.
DUKE FINISH THE FUCKING STORY! What happened?! What about the glands?
GONZO, a small smile on his lips, backs away warily… towards the TV — NOW A HUNDRED FEET AWAY IN THE DISTANCE…
GONZO Jesus, that stuff got right on top of you, didn’t it.
VEINS stand out on DUKE’s forehead. He is purplish-red. OVER THE TOP! Too late, he realizes he is NEAR DEATH!
DUKE Maybe you could just… shove me into the pool, or something…
GONZO shakes his head disgustedly.
GONZO If I put you in the pool right now, you’d sink like a goddamn stone. You took too much. Jesus, look at your face, you’re about to explode.
GONZO sits back down… watching the TV.
