Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
SMASH!
DUKE Yeh… This foreign made crap — is sucking our dollar balance dry!
SHOPPER #3 Someone should stop them!
SMASH!
DUKE You poor fools don’t understand, do you? This car is the property of the World Bank! That money goes to ITALY!
SHOPPER #3 Somebody should call the police!
GONZO Police? Are you people crazy?
GONZO confronts the CROWD, hammer in one hand, a coconut in the other.
GONZO (CONT’D) You folks every heard of ole Patrick Henry? Know what he said?!
Silence — the CROWD uncomprehending of this STONE DEGENERATE.
GONZO (CONT’D) (ROARS) GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH!
GONZO brings the hammer down on the hood. CLANG!
A gasp from the CROWD. Getting ugly.
GONZO (CONT’D) In Samoa we LOVE THE CONSTITUTION!
SHOPPER #3 Bullshit.
97.
The CROWD move in.
SHOPPER #1 Call the goddamn police!
GONZO SWINGS THE HAMMER. CLANG!
SHOPPER #4 Look what they’ve done to that beautiful car!
DUKE jumps in behind the wheel.
DUKE This crowd is not rational. They can’t relate to us. Let’s go!
A final CLANG! GONZO jumps in.
DUKE floors the accelerator — screams at the CROWD.
DUKE You people voted for Hubert Humphrey! You killed Jesus!
They swerve round and through the CROWD.
DUKE (V/O) The crowd broke ranks. Nobody wants to be run over by a Coupe de Ville.
INT. HOTEL FLAMINGO SUITE – NIGHT
DUKE FAST-FORWARDS… PLAYS THE TAPE…
VOICE ON TAPE You found the American Dream? In this town?
DUKE ON TAPE We’re sitting on the main nerve right now…
INT. BAZOOKO CIRCUS REVOLVING MERRY-GO-ROUND BAR – NIGHT
DUKE and GONZO (wearing a single black glove) talk conspiratorially to a 3RD MAN. A PLACID ORANGUTAN in a bow tie sits next to him. THE BAR IS REVOLVING FASTER THAN NORMAL. DUKE IS INSANELY TALKATIVE — WIRED! 98.
DUKE The manager told me a story about the owner of this place…about how he always wanted to run away and join the circus when he was a kid. Well, now the bastard has his own circus, and a license to steal, too.
3RD MAN You’re right — he’s the model.
DUKE Absolutely! Pure Horatio Alger… Say…
INT. FLAMINGO HOTEL SUITE – NIGHT
DUKE playing the tape.
DUKE ON TAPE … how much do you think he’d take for the ape?
DUKE fast-forwards again — searching… TRAFFIC NOISES. SCREECH OF BRAKES.
VOICE ON TAPE Holy God!…
A TERRIBLE GRINDING NOISE.
EXT. CAR RENTAL AGENCY – NIGHT
RENTAL AGENT Holy God!, how did this happen?
DUKE They beat the shit out of it.
RENTAL AGENT The top’s completely jammed!
The CAR RENTAL AGENT wrestles with the trashed car.
DUKE Yeah, something’s wrong with the motor…
INT. FLAMINGO HOTEL SUITE – NIGHT
DUKE ON TAPE … The generator light’s been on red ever since I drove the thing into Lake Mead on a water test… 99.
A HUGE SPLASH…
The tape’s gone too far.
DUKE No, no. Shit…
DUKE races the tape BACKWARDS… Then, SIRENS HOWL.
DUKE ON TAPE Where’s the ape? I’m ready to write a check.
INT. BAZOOKO CIRCUS BAR – NIGHT
DUKE is standing in the middle of A SEMI-DESTROYED BAZOOKO CIRCUS REVOLVING BAR. Mirrors are broken. People are recovering from some kind of battle. THE BAR SPINS MADLY. DUKE IS INSANELY WIRED.
3RD MAN Forget it, he just attacked an old man… he took a bite out of the bartender’s head! The cops took the ape away.
DUKE Goddamnit! What’s the bail? I want that ape! I’ve already reserved two first-class seats on the plane.
DUKE (V/O) There was every reason to believe that we had been heading for trouble, that we’d pushed our luck a bit far…
INT. WHITE WHALE ON THE STREETS OF LAS VEGAS – NIGHT
GONZO SCREAMS ABUSE out of the window at a Ford alongside the VOMIT STREAKED WHITE WHALE. DUKE MAKES A SUPERHUMAN EFFORT TO STAY ON THE ROAD.
GONZO Hey there! You folks want to buy some heroin?
In the Ford: TWO COUPLES — MIDDLE-AGED AMERICAN FACES FROZEN IN SHOCK — stare straight ahead. GONZO leans out — close to them. 100.
GONZO Hey, honkies! Goddamnit, I’m serious. I want to sell you some pure fucking smack!
No reaction.
GONZO Cheap heroin! This is the real stuff! You won’t get hooked. I just got back from Vietnam! This is scag, folks. Pure scag!
The lights change. The Ford bolts. DUKE keeps pace with them.
GONZO Shoot! Fuck! Scag! Blood! Heroin! Rape! Cheap! Communist! Jab it right in your fucking eyeballs!
The MAN IN THE BACK SEAT suddenly loses control — enraged, lunges against the glass, trying to get at GONZO.
MAN IN CAR You dirty bastards! Pull over and I’ll kill you! God damn you! You bastards!
INT. FLAMINGO HOTEL SUITE – NIGHT
BACK IN THE SUITE:
The tapes runs:
MAN IN CAR ON TAPE You dirty bastards!
An ugly squeal of brakes.
GONZO ON TAPE Shit, he was trying to bite me! I shoulda maced the fucker!
DUKE fast forwards the tape. The TAPE MANGLES — the sounds ski to a halt…
DUKE grabs the nearest tool — uses it to hook out the tape, then realizes… IT’S GONZO’S RAZOR-SHARP FOLDING KNIFE… A CHILLING MOMENT…
DUKE turns the knife over… THERE’S A DRIED CRIMSON SPOT ON THE BLADE… OR IS IT DRIED MASHED POTATOES? 101.
READ ON TO FIND OUT!
DUKE (remembering) Back door beauty!
DUKE (V/O) The mentality of Las Vegas is so grossly atavistic that a really massive crime often slips by unrecognized.
DUKE SCRAPS A LITTLE OF THE CRUST — TASTES IT…
DUKE (V/O CONT’D) The possibility of physical and mental collapse is very real… No sympathy for the devil; keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride…
HE HEARS THE SOUNDS OF SOMEONE BEHIND BEATEN UP…
VOICE OFF Shit! Faggot! Bastard!
EXT. NORTH STAR COFFEE LOUNGE – NIGHT
WHACK! SHADOWY FIGURES beat up a MAN — give him A GOOD KICKING. BRUTAL AND UGLY.
DUKE (V/O) North Vegas is where you go when you’ve fucked up once too often on The Strip and when you’re not even welcome in the cut-rate Downtown places.
