Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
The SOUND OF MOTORCYCLES RACING…
We hear music and voices singing:
BATTLE HYMN “…As we go marching on When I reach my final campground, in that land beyond the sun, And the Great Commander asks me…” [What did he ask you, Rusty?] “Did you fight or did you run?”
A moment later, the Bronco races out of the dust. DUKE coughs, chokes, drinks beer.
BATTLE HYMN (continuing) [And what did you tell them, Rusty?] “We responded to their rifle fire with everything we had…”
The sound of gun shots…
A DUNE BUGGY races toward them, loaded down with THREE RETIRED PETTY OFFICERS, DRUNK AS HELL. The radio blares: “THE BATTLE HYMN OF LIEUTENANT CALLEY.”
The dune buggy is COVERED WITH OMINOUS SYMBOLS: SCREAMING EAGLES CARRYING AMERICAN FLAGS IN THEIR CLAWS. A slant-eyed Snake being chopped to bits by a buzz-saw made of stars and stripes. A MACHINE GUN MOUNT on the passenger side. They yell over the roaring engines.
DUNE BUGGY DRIVER Where’s the damn race?
DUKE Beats me. We’re just good patriotic Americans like yourself.
DUKE gives DUNE BUGGY PASSENGER #2 A NICE BIG GRIN. In response, the PASSENGER #2 narrows his eyes — tightens his grip on an automatic weapon.
DUNE BUGGY DRIVER (suspiciously) What outfit you fellas with? 29.
DUKE The sporting press. We’re friendlies. Hired geeks.
The DRIVER and DUNE BUGGY PASSENGER #2 exchange looks.
DUKE If you want a good chase, you should get after that skunk from CBS News up ahead in the black jeep. He’s the man responsible for that book, THE SELLING OF THE PENTAGON.
DUNE BUGGY PASSENGER #1 HOT DAMN!
DUNE BUGGY PASSENGER #2 A black jeep, you say?
And they ROAR away.
DUKE Take me back to the pits.
LACERDA No, no — we have to go on. We need total coverage.
DUKE gets out of the Bronco.
DUKE You’re fired.
After a moment’s hesitation, LACERDA and the BRONCO driver roar away leaving DUKE alone in the cloud of dust.
DUKE (V/O) It was time. I felt, for an Agonizing Reappraisal of the whole scene. The race was definitely under way. I had witnessed the start; I was sure of that much. But what now?
EXT. LAS VEGAS STREETS – NIGHT
MUSIC PUMPS OUT. CRUISING IN THE RED SHARK IN VEGAS. THE SKY SWIRLS WITH MILLIONS OF NEON LIGHTS CHASING EACH OTHER IN BAROQUE PATTERNS ACROSS GIGANTIC HOTEL SIGNS. PSYCHEDELIC LIGHT SHOWS TO LURE AND DERANGE THE INNOCENT. CITY OF LOST SOULS. 30.
DUKE Turn up the radio! Turn up the tape machine! Roll the windows down. Let’s taste this cool desert wind! Aaah, yes! This is what it’s all about!
DUKE, beer in hand, drives — a big smile for the world. GONZO scans The Vegas Visitor.
DUKE (V/O) Total control now. Tooling along the main drag on a Saturday night in Vegas, two good old boys in a fire apple red convertible… stoned, ripped, twisted… Good people!
GONZO How about “Nickel Nick’s Slot Arcade?” “Hot Slots,” that sounds heavy. Twenty-nine cent hotdogs…
DUKE Look, what are we doing here? Are we here to entertain ourselves, or to do the job?
GONZO To do the job, of course. Here we go… a Crab Louie and quart of muscatel for twenty dollars!
The Shark hits a bump.
GONZO As your attorney I advise you to drive over to the Tropicana and pick up on Guy Lombardo. He’s in the Blue Room with his Royal Canadians.
They hit another bump.
DUKE Why?
GONZO Why what?
CUT to wide shot. They are DRIVING AROUND IN CIRCLES in a
large casino parking lot, bumping over the dividers. 31.
DUKE Why should I pay out my hard-earned dollars to watch a fucking corpse. I don’t know about you, but in my line of business it’s important to be Hep.
EXT. DESERT ROOM HOTEL – NIGHT
TWO BIG SCREAMING FACES.
DOORMAN #1 What the hell are you doing?!
DOORMAN #2 You can’t park here!
DUKE Why not? Is this not a reasonable place to park?
Reveal the RED SHARK parked on the sidewalk in front of the Desert Inn. TWO DOORMEN loom over the car hood. The MARQUEE says: TONIGHT. DEBBIE REYNOLDS.
GONZO leaps from the car, waving a five-dollar bill at the DOORMAN.
GONZO We want this car parked! We drove all the way from L.A. for this show. We’re friends of Debbie’s.
A pause, then… the DOORMAN pockets the bill, hands them a parking stub. DUKE and GONZO hurry into the hotel.
INT. DESERT FROM HOTEL LOBBY – NIGHT
DUKE and GONZO walk through the lobby. Black, mirrored, sleek, classy.
DUKE Holy shit! They almost had us there! That was quick thinking.
GONZO What do you expect? I’m your attorney. You owe me five bucks. I want it now.
DUKE shrugs and hands over the $5. 32.
DUKE (V/O) This was Bob Hope’s turf. Frank Sinatra’s. Spiro Agnew’s. It seemed inappropriate to be haggling about nickel/dime bribes for the parking lot attendant.
A WINE-COLORED TUXEDO stops them at the entrance to the ballroom.
WINE-COLORED TUXEDO Sorry, full house.
GONZO Goddamnit, we drove all the way from L.A.
WINE-COLORED TUXEDO I said there are no seats left… at any price.
GONZO Fuck seats! We’re old friends of Debbie’s. I used to romp with her.
GONZO and the WINE-COLORED TUXEDO get into an ugly arm- waving negotiation.
DUKE (V/O) After a lot of bad noise, he let us in for nothing provided we would stand quietly at the back and not smoke.
As DUKE and GONZO disappear through the door we can hear the orchestra blasting out a HIGHLY BLANDIZED “SGT. PEPPER’S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND.”
A beat.
The door flies open and BOUNCERS manhandle DUKE and GONZO out. Despite the rough treatment they’re both SCREECHING WITH LAUGHTER.
GONZO Jesus creeping shit!
DUKE (tears streaming) Did the mescaline just kick in? Or was that Debbie Reynolds in a silver Afro wig?! 33.
GONZO (in hysteria) We wandered into a fucking time capsule!
EXT. LAS VEGAS STREETS – NIGHT
DUKE DRIVES FAST into the night. They’re both LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY.
DUKE (in hysteria) We wandered into a fucking time capsule!
THEN… GONZO finds a TINY TEAR IN HIS JACKET…
GONZO What’s this?…
GONZO is instantly MOROSE.
GONZO That scum…
GONZO twists round in the car — SCREAMS back into the night.
GONZO SCUM! I know where you live! I’ll find you and burn down your fucking house!
EXT. BAZOOKO CIRCUS – NIGHT
A hundred foot high neon clown: BAZOOKO CIRCUS.
The RED SHARK pulls up beneath the sign.
DUKE This is the place. They’ll never fuck with us here.
GONZO Where’s the ether? This mescaline isn’t working.
EXT. BAZOOKO CIRCUS CASINO – NIGHT
Into the GLARING, CHASING LIGHTS of the entrance canopy steps DUKE in EC/U holding a KLEENEX SOAKED IN ETHER TO HIS NOSE. 34.
DUKE (V/O) Ah, devil ether. It makes you behave like the village drunkard in some early Irish novel… total loss of all basic motor skills; blurred vision, no balance, numb tongue — (throws away kleenex) The mind recoils in horror, unable to communicate with the spinal column. Which is interesting, because you can actually watch yourself behaving in this terrible way, but you can’t control it.
DUKE and GONZO approach the entrance with elaborate care- taking one step at a time — trying to keep ahead of the drug.
DUKE (V/O) You approach the turnstiles and know that when you get there, you have to give the man two dollars or he won’t let you inside… but when you get there, everything goes wrong.
THE ETHER KICKS IN:
DUKE and GONZO BOUNCE off the walls, CRASH into OLD LADIES, GIGGLE HELPLESSLY as they try to pay — HANDS FLAPPING CRAZILY, unable to get money out of their pockets.
DUKE (V/O) Some angry Rotarian shoves you and you think: What’s happening here? What’s going on? Then you hear yourself mumbling.
