Sweeney Todd

41 Todd continues to stride, beckoning to another man:

TODD Who, sir? You, sir? No one’s in the chair– Come on, come on, Sweeney’s waiting! I want you bleeders! 42

EXT. ANOTHER STREET — DAY

42 Todd continues to stride, beckoning to another man:

TODD You, sir — anybody! Gentlemen, now don’t be shy! Not one man, no, Nor ten men, Nor a hundred Can assuage me– I will have you! 43

EXT. ANOTHER STREET — DAY

43 Todd continues to prowl…

TODD And I will get him back Even as he gloats. In the meantime I’ll practice On less honorable throats– 44

EXT. ANOTHER STREET — DAY

44 Todd suddenly falls to his knees, keening in anguish–

TODD And my Lucy lies in ashes And I’ll never see my girl again, But the work waits, I’m alive at last And I’m full of JOOOOOOY!! He raises his razor high on the soaring last note as we pull back … our view is suddenly obscured by a strange, frenzied fluttering of black wings … We continue to pull back … We discover the black wings are pigeons, thousands of them, flying up in a great cloud… We continue to pull back to finally discover that Todd is kneeling in the heart of a church square… Empty but for him. As his cry ends we slash back to– 45

INT. BARBER SHOP — DAY

45 — Todd is kneeling, sweat pouring through his clothes, panting for air. Mrs. Lovett stands, looking down at him intently.

MRS. LOVETT That’s all very well, but what are we going to do about — — the dear departed? Todd remains kneeling, motionless. She goes to him, firm:

MRS. LOVETT Listen! Do you hear me? Get a hold of yourself! She slaps his cheek — he looks up at her, barely seeing her.

MRS. LOVETT Oh, you great useless thing, come on– She hauls him up and drags him out… 46

INT. PIE SHOP — DAY

46 She pulls him in.

MRS. LOVETT Sit down. He thumps down, still in his own dark world. She quickly glances around for Toby and then goes into her parlor…

INT. PARLOR — DAY

47 She discovers Toby is asleep on the sofa before the fire. She quickly snatches up a bottle of gin from the sideboard and returns to the pie shop… 48

INT. PIE SHOP DAY

48 She pours Todd a tumbler of gin, hands it to him:

MRS. LOVETT There, drink it down — all the way — that’s right … … Now, we got a body molderin’ away upstairs, what do you intend we should do about that?

TODD Later on, when it’s dark, we’ll take him to some secret place and bury him.

MRS. LOVETT Well, yes, of course, we could do that. I don’t suppose he’s got any relatives going to come poking around looking for him… A chord of music. A beat. An idea. He looks at her uncomprehendingly.

MRS. LOVETT Well, you know me, sometimes bright ideas just pop right into my head, and I keep thinking… Seems a downright shame…

TODD Shame?

MRS. LOVETT Seems an awful waste… Such a nice plump frame Wot’s-his-name Has… Had… Has… Nor it can’t be traced. Business needs a lift– Debts to be erased– Think of it as thrift, As a gift… If you get my drift… (Todd has no idea what she is talking about) No? (She sighs) Seems an awful waste. I mean, With the price of meat what it is, When you get it, If you get it– Todd suddenly understands:

TODD Ah!

MRS. LOVETT Good, you got it. Take, for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop. Business never better, using only Pussycats and toast. And a pussy’s good for maybe six or Seven at the most. And I’m sure they can’t compare As far as taste–

TODD Mrs. Lovett, What a charming notion, The music builds as they sing simultaneously:

TODD Eminently practical and yet Appropriate as always. Mrs. Lovett, how I’ve lived without you All these years I’ll never know! How delectable! Also undetectable. How choice! How rare!

MRS. LOVETT Well, it does seem a Waste… It’s an idea… Think about it… Lots of other gentlemen’ll Soon be coming for a shave, Won’t they? Think of All them Pies! A triumphant waltz theme begins:

TODD For what’s the sound of the world out there?

MRS. LOVETT What, Mr. Todd, What, Mr. Todd, What is that sound?

TODD Those crunching noises pervading the air?

MRS. LOVETT Yes, Mr. Todd, Yes, Mr. Todd, Yes, all around–

TODD It’s man devouring man, my dear, They sing simultaneously:

TODD And who are we To deny it in here?

MRS. LOVETT Then who are we To deny it in here? Music continues under:

TODD Ah, these are desperate times, Mrs. Lovett, and desperate measures are called for. She goes to the counter and comes back with an imaginary pie:

MRS. LOVETT Here we are now, hot out of the oven… She holds the imaginary pie out to him with a sly and wicked smile.

TODD What is that?

MRS. LOVETT It’s priest. Have a little priest.

TODD Is it really good?

MRS. LOVETT Sir, it’s too good, At least. Then again, they don’t commit sins of the flesh, So it’s pretty fresh.

TODD Awful lot of fat.

MRS. LOVETT Only where it sat.

TODD Haven’t you got poet Or something like that?

MRS. LOVETT No, you see the trouble with poet Is, how do you know it’s Deceased? Try the priest.

TODD Mmm. Heavenly.

MRS. LOVETT Not as hearty as bishop, perhaps, but not as bland as curate, either. Mrs. Lovett presents another imaginary pie:

MRS. LOVETT Lawyer’s rather nice.

TODD If it’s for a price.

MRS. LOVETT Order something else, though, to follow, Since no one should swallow It twice.

TODD Anything that’s lean.

MRS. LOVETT Well, then, if you’re British and loyal, You might enjoy Royal Marine. Anyway, it’s clean. Though, of course, it tastes of wherever it’s been.

TODD (looking past her to imaginary oven) Is that squire On the fire?

MRS. LOVETT Mercy no, sir, Look closer, You’ll notice it’s grocer.

TODD Looks thicker. More like vicar.

MRS. LOVETT No, it has to be grocer — it’s green. Todd laughs as the glorious waltz theme returns:

TODD The history of the world, my love–

MRS. LOVETT Save a lot of graves, Do a lot of relatives favors…

TODD –Is those below serving those up above.

MRS. LOVETT Everybody shaves, So there should be plenty of flavors…

TODD How gratifying for once to know–

BOTH (indicating barber shop above) –That those above will serve those down below! The music continues under:

MRS. LOVETT Since marine doesn’t appeal to you, how about rear admiral?

TODD Too salty. I prefer general.

MRS. LOVETT With or without his privates? — “With” is extra. Todd chortles as Mrs. Lovett offers another pie with a particular, flamboyant panache:

TODD What is that?

MRS. LOVETT It’s fop. Finest in the shop. Or we have some shepherd’s pie peppered With actual shepherd On top. And I’ve just begun. Here’s a politician — so oily It’s served with a doily– Have one?

TODD Put it on a bun. (She looks at him quizzically) Well, you never know if it’s going to run.

MRS. LOVETT Try the friar. Fried, it’s drier.

TODD No, the clergy is really Too coarse and too mealy.

MRS. LOVETT Then actor– That’s compacter.

TODD Yes, and always arrives overdone. (he is suddenly dark and purposeful) I’ll come again when you Have Judge on the menu… The music vamps deliciously as:

MRS. LOVETT True, we don’t have Judge — yet — but would you settle for the next best thing?

TODD What’s that? She offers him a butcher’s cleaver:

MRS. LOVETT Executioner. He takes the cleaver, feels the heft of it. Feels good. Then he picks up her wooden rolling pin, hands it to her, as the music builds into the triumphant waltz:

TODD Have charity towards the world, my pet–

MRS. LOVETT Yes, yes, I know, my love–

TODD We’ll take the customers that we can get.

MRS. LOVETT High-born and low, my love.

TODD We’ll not discriminate great from small. No, we’ll serve anyone–

MRS. LOVETT We’ll serve anyone–

BOTH And to anyone At all! The music builds to a climax as they joyously brandish their “weapons. “