Sweeney Todd
EXT. ST. DUNSTAN’S MARKETPLACE DAY
22 They round a corner and move into the bustling marketplace. A steady mercantile hum as the cries of merchants and wandering coster-mongers fill the air. Todd and Mrs. Lovett move toward a hand-drawn caravan dominating one corner of the marketplace. It is painted like a Sicilian donkey cart and on its side a sign declaims: “Signor Adolfo Pirelli — Haircutter to His Royal Majesty the King of Naples.”
MRS. LOVETT Oh Mr. T., do you really think you can do it?
TODD By tomorrow they’ll all be flocking to me like sheep to be shorn– He stops abruptly when he sees– The Beadle casually strolling through the crowd. Todd is transfixed, his ancient enemy so close.
MRS. LOVETT (seeing the Beadle, pulling his arm) Come along now, dear, he might recognize you–
TODD I will do what I have vowed to do … (he continues to glare at the Beadle, his voice low) … Come closer, my friend, closer… Then, TOBY — a 13-year-old boy, a bit small for his age, malnourished and consumptively pale — emerges from Pirelli’s caravan. He bangs on a tin drum, drawing customers. A crowd begins to gather at the caravan as:
TOBY Ladies and gentlemen! May I have your attention, perlease? Do you wake every morning in shame and despair To discover your pillow is covered with hair Wot ought not to be there? Well, ladies and gentlemen, From now on you can waken at ease. You need never again have a worry or care, I will show you a miracle marvelous rare, Gentlemen, you are about to see something wot rose from the dead! (A woman gasps, he smiles and wiggles a finger no) On the top of my head. He dramatically doffs his cap, revealing mountains of hair which cascade to his shoulder.
TOBY ‘Twas Pirelli’s Miracle Elixir, That’s wot did the trick, sir, True, sir, true. Was it quick, sir? Did it in a tick, sir? Just like an elixir Ought to do! How about a bottle, mister? Only costs a penny, guaranteed. (Pours a drop on the bald man’s head) Does Pirelli’s
Stimulate the growth, sir? You can have my oath, sir, ‘Tis unique. (Applies the bald man’s hand to the wet spot) Rub a minute, Stimulatin’, i’n it? Soon you’ll have to thin it Once a week! More customers are stepping up and buying bottles. Todd opens a bottle of the Elixir, takes a whiff. Disgusting. He smiles to Mrs. Lovett, his plan falling into place.
TODD Pardon me, ma’am, what’s that awful stench?
MRS. LOVETT Are we standing near an open trench?
TODD Must be standing near an open trench! The crowd responds to Todd and Mrs. Lovett, looking askance and sniffing at the bottles. Toby nervously tries to distract them:
TOBY Buy Pirelli’s Miracle Elixir: Anything wot’s slick, sir, Soon sprouts curls. Try Pirelli’s! When they see how thick, sir, You can have your pick, sir, Of the girls! Want to buy a bottle, missus?
TODD (sniffing bottle of Elixir) What is this?
MRS. LOVETT (sniffing another customer’s bottle) What is this?
TODD Smells like piss.
MRS. LOVETT Smells like — phew!
TODD This is piss. Piss with ink. The music speeds up — Toby is getting desperate:
TOBY Let Pirelli’s Activate your roots, sir–
TODD Keep it off your boots, sir– Eats right through.
TOBY Yes, get Pirelli’s! Use a bottle of it! Ladies seem to love it–
MRS. LOVETT Flies do too! Suddenly, the curtains on the caravan are dramatically flung
wide to reveal–
PIRELLI, a flamboyant Italian with a velvet suit, thick wavy hair and a dazzling smile. Pirelli poses splendidly for a moment. Then:
PIRELLI I am Adolfo Pirelli, Da king of da barbers, da barber of kings, E buon giorno, good day, I blow you a kiss! And I, da so-famous Pirelli, I wish-a to know-a Who has-a da nerve-a to say My elixir is piss! Who says this?!
TODD I do. (Todd moves forward boldly.) I am Mr. Sweeney Todd of Fleet Street. I have opened a bottle of Pirelli’s elixir, and I say to you that it is nothing but an arrant fraud, concocted from piss and ink.
The crowd gasps. Pirelli is about to respond, outraged, but Todd continues–
TODD And furthermore — “signor” — I have serviced no kings, yet I wager I can shave a cheek with ten times more dexterity that any street mountebank. He snaps open his razor case and holds it up for the crowd to see, turning to display the wondrous razors:
TODD You see these razors?
MRS. LOVETT The finest in England.
TODD I lay them against five pounds you are no match for me. You hear me, sir? Either accept my challenge or reveal yourself as a sham.
MRS. LOVETT Bravo, bravo. The crowd is enjoying this now, whispering eagerly about the bold challenge. In the crowd, we see a quick flash of the meek TOURIST we saw earlier. Pirelli studies the razors for a moment and then turns to the crowd with a confident smile:
PIRELLI You hear zis foolish man? Watch and see how he will regret his folly! Music begins as Todd moves into action, preparing the challenge:
TODD Friends, who’s for a free shave? Two men step forward. A plain wooden chair is brought for Todd as he moves into the boldest part of this plan… He carefully turns to … The Beadle.
TODD Will Beadle Bamford be the judge?
Mrs. Lovett’s eyes shoot to Todd, alarmed– The Beadle moves toward Todd …. Todd smiles amiably, but quivers internally at being so dreadfully close to his prey… Mrs. Lovett watches, concerned. Will the Beadle recognize the features of Benjamin Barker…? Apparently not. The Beadle stops right before Todd and smiles.
BEADLE Glad, as always, to oblige my friends and neighbors … Let the challenge commence! One man sits in Todd’s plain chair as the other moves to an elaborate chair on Pirelli’s caravan. Pirelli shakes out a fancy bib with a flourish and covers his man. Toby prepares Pirelli’s ornate shaving supplies as Todd takes a plain towel and tucks it around his man’s neck.
BEADLE Ready?
PIRELLI Ready!
TODD Ready.
BEADLE The fastest, smoothest shave is the winner. He blows his shrill whistle. Agitated music begins. Pirelli strops his razor quickly, Todd in a leisurely manner. Pirelli keeps glancing at Todd in various paranoid ways throughout, frightened of Todd’s progress. He starts whipping up lather rapidly:
PIRELLI Now, signorini, signori, We mix-a da lather But first-a you gather Around, signorini, signori, You looking a man Who have had-a da glory To shave-a da Pope. Mr. Sweeney-so-smart– (Splatters the customer with shaving cream) Oh, I beg-a you pardon — ‘ll Call me a lie, was-a only a cardinal– Nope! It was-a da Pope! Unexpectedly, Todd still shows no signs of starting to shave his man. He merely watches Pirelli’s performance. Mrs. Lovett looks at him nervously, wishing he would get on with it. Pirelli, now feeling he can take his time, sings lyrically as he lathers and shaves with rhythmic scrapes and elaborate gestures of wiping the razor.
PIRELLI To shave-a da face, To cut-a da hair, Require da grace Require da flair, For if-a you slip, You nick da skin, You clip-a da chin, You rip-a da lip a bit Beyond-a repair! Todd strops his razor slowly and deliberately — shoop, shoop, shoop — disconcerting Pirelli and drawing the crowd’s attention.
PIRELLI To shave-a da face Or even a part Widout it-a smart Require da heart. Not just-a da flash, It take-a panache, It take-a da passion For da art. Todd is unconcerned. He just continues to slowly strop his razor — shoop, shoop, shoop — which flusters Pirelli.
PIRELLI To shave-a da face, To trim-a da beard, To make-a da bristle Clean like a whistle, Dis is from early infancy Da talent give to me By God! (Crosses himself with his razor) It take-a da skill, It take-a da brains, It take-a da will To take-a da pains, It take-a da pace, It take-a da graaaaaace… While Pirelli holds this note elaborately, Todd, with a few deft strokes, quickly lathers his man’s face, shaves him and signals the Beadle to examine him.
BEADLE The winner is Todd. Pirelli deflates.
MRS. LOVETT (feeling the customer’s cheek) Smooth as a baby’s arse! — (to Todd) – – Well done, dear! The crowd laughs and applauds Todd as Pirelli goes to him:
PIRELLI Sir, I bow to a skill far defter than my own.
TODD The five pounds. Pirelli produces a distinctive chatelaine purse and removes a five pound note, gives it to Todd:
PIRELLI Here, sir. And may the good Lord smile on you — — Until we meet again. He bows his head quickly and then moves away, beckoning to Toby:
PIRELLI Come, boy.
TOBY We’re pulling out, sir? Without warning, Pirelli SLAPS Toby viciously across the face –Toby almost falls–
PIRELLI We’re pulling out, yes. Quickly. Mrs. Lovett has observed all of this as she moves away with Todd, who is making his way inexorably toward the Beadle. Some eager customers surround Todd, among them is the TOURIST.
EAGER CUSTOMER Mr. Todd, sir, do you have an establishment of your own? Mrs. Lovett is on him like a hawk:
MRS. LOVETT He certainly does. Sweeney Todd’s Tonsorial Parlor — above my meatpie emporium in Fleet Street. Todd has led them right to the Beadle:
TODD I thank you for your honest adjudication, sir. You are a paragon of integrity.
BEADLE Well, I try to do my best for my friends and neighbors … Your establishment is in Fleet Street, you say?
TODD Yes, sir.
BEADLE Then, Mr. Todd, you will surely see me there before the week is out.
TODD You will be welcome, Beadle Bamford, and I guarantee to give you, without a penny’s charge, the closest shave you will ever know.
Todd and Mrs. Lovett are walking away from the marketplace. She chatters happily:
MRS. LOVETT … Like to give me a coronary right there! What if he had recognized you! Lord, my heart was beating a mile a minute, just like a little finch it was. Aren’t those lovely birds now? Always so twittery and happy… She continues chattering… But Todd is not listening. His eyes dart to the side to see– The Gentleman is walking next to him, whispering, subtle, insinuating…
GENTLEMAN Sweeney pondered and Sweeney planned. Like a perfect machine ‘e planned… The Banker moves in next to the Gentleman…
BANKER Barbing the hook, baiting the trap, Setting it out for the Beadle to snap… The General joins them…
GENERAL Slyly courted ‘im, Sweeney did, Set a sort of a scene ‘e did…
GENERAL Laying the trail, showing the traces, Letting it lead to higher places… Sweeney… The last word echoes … And then they are gone … disappearing from Todd’s mind … swallowed up by the crowd of pedestrians… Todd looks to Mrs. Lovett and she continues chattering:
MRS. LOVETT … Suppose it’s just me gentle heart, but I do hate to see a boy treated like that, no better than your Aunt Doreen’s dog — Mr. Todd, are you listening to me?
TODD Of course. But then his eyes dart again — looking for the specters. He only sees strangers. 24
INT. JOHANNA’S ROOM — MORNING
24 Johanna sits, framed by the window, quietly cutting out silhouettes. Aimless Victorian handicrafts. But we see there are tears in her eyes. She steals a glance across the room. We see a small hole in the wallpaper. Through this hole, the Judge is watching her from another chamber. Lascivious. Perverse. Johanna finally stands and casually glances out from between the shutters at her window. She sees… Anthony, standing at the park across the street, keeping up his lonely vigil, gazing up at the mansion. She watches him for a moment and then makes her decision. She moves to a table and opens a drawer. Reaches in and removes something… 25
EXT. TURPIN’S MANSION — MORNING
25 Anthony sees a figure at the shutters — then hears a clinking sound. Metal on pavement. He quickly moves across the street and looks… A key, dropped from above. He looks up to the shutters and smiles, then snatches up the key and hurries off. 26
INT. JOHANNA’S ROOM — MORNING
26 Peering through the shutters, Johanna watches him go. We linger on her face and then dissolve to another face, also watching… … Her father. Todd’s face, staring out the window, intense and brooding. Seething with discontent. Mrs. Lovett chatters as she moves around behind him:
MRS. LOVETT … It’s not much of a chair, I’ll grant, but it’ll serve. Was me poor Albert’s chair. Sat in it all day long he did, after his leg give out from the gout, poor dear. He moves from the window and paces like a caged tiger in the small barber shop. Though it has been cleaned, it is still a spartan room. A tatty parlor chair. A large chest. A few counters with meager bottles of tonsorial supplies. And his gleaming razors, always waiting.
TODD Why doesn’t the Beadle come? “Before the week is out,” that’s what he said.
MRS. LOVETT And who says the week’s out? It’s only Tuesday. Todd moves away from her, she pursues, trying to calm and soothe him…
MRS. LOVETT Easy now. Hush, love, hush. Don’t distress yourself, What’s your rush? Keep your thoughts Nice and lush. Wait. Hush, love, hush. Think it through. Once it bubbles, Then what’s to do? Watch it close. Let it brew. Wait. He does not respond. She dares to move closer…
MRS. LOVETT I’ve been thinking, flowers– Maybe daisies– To brighten up the room. Don’t you think some flowers, Pretty daisies, Might relieve the gloom? Ah, wait, love, wait. Todd sourly tosses himself into the chair, he picks up his largest razor and looks at it intensely:
TODD And the Judge? When will we get to him?
MRS. LOVETT Can’t you think of nothing else? Always broodin’ away on yer wrongs what happened heaven knows how many years ago… Don’t you know, Silly man, Half the fun is to Plan the plan? All good things come to Those who can Wait. Her gentle words have calmed him considerably. She moves even closer. Risks touching him softly…
MRS. LOVETT Gillyflowers, maybe, `Stead of daisies… I don’t know, though… What do you think? Then Todd tilts the razor in his hand– SUDDENLY — the face of the GENTLEMAN — a flash — reflected in the razor– Then– A bell rings from outside the shop — the effect is electric — Todd bolts up, senses alert — Mrs. Lovett spins to the door– Todd holds his razor open as he moves strategically toward the door– We hear footsteps ascending the stairs outside quickly– Then– Anthony enters, breathless–
ANTHONY Mr. Todd! Thank God I’ve found you — (Todd turns, closing the razor, as Anthony sees Mrs. Lovett) … Oh, I’m sorry, excuse me…
MRS. LOVETT Mrs. Lovett, sir.
ANTHONY A pleasure, ma’am — — You see, there’s a girl who needs my help — such a sad girl, and lonely, but beautiful too and–
TODD Slow down, Anthony.
ANTHONY Yes, I’m sorry … This girl has a guardian so tyrannical that he keeps her locked away. But then this morning she dropped this … … It must be a sign that Johanna wants me to help her — that’s her name, Johanna — and Turpin that of her guardian. A judge of some sort… Todd and Mrs. Lovett exchange a quick glance as Anthony continues:
ANTHONY … I’ve met him, Mr. Todd, and he is – – unnatural … Once he goes to court, I’m going to slip into the house and release her — and beg her to come away with me. Tonight.
MRS. LOVETT Oh, this is all terribly romantic.
ANTHONY Yes, but — you see — I don’t know anyone in London — — and I need somewhere safe to bring her till I’ve hired a coach to take us to Plymouth. He looks at Todd deeply:
