Edward Scissorhands
A WOMAN Edward, you forgot your cookies.
JIM
Don’t worry, Eddie. She’s waiting for you.
A GIRL Let’s go.
PEG Bill, you know what Edward told me? He had
lunch at Jackie’s today.
BILL Really?
PEG She’s just had her kitchen completely redone.
BILL I’ll be darned.
PEG New paint, new cabinets, new floors, new microwave, new Sonnet dishwasher.
BILL Yeah, isn’t that wonderful?
PEG Isn’t that something? Jim, didn’t you tell me your mom had her kitchen done too?
JIM Yeah, my dad bought himself a bunch of new toys. Big screen TV, CD players, VCR with four heads.
PEG
My goodness sake! I wonder what it’s like to be that rich.
JIM No, they keep things pretty much locked up. My father has his own room for his stuff to make
sure I can’t get and use it. He’s so cheap he won’t help me buy my own car.
BILL Well, he probably wants you to pay for it yourself. I agree with him. It builds
character. You’ll appreciate it more. Speaking of money, I understand you are not charging for gardening, Edward?
PEG Now, Bill. Margie made him cookies today.
BILL Sweetheart, you can’t buy the necessities of life with cookies. You can’t buy car with cookies. Am I right, Jim?
JIM
Ah, that’s true, sir. You can’t. (Edward gives a piece of meat to Kim’s friend.)
A GIRL I can’t eat that. He used his hands. I don’t
think it’s sanitary. (Edward passes the piece to Kim but drops it in her lap by mistake.)
EDWARD
I’m sorry.
PEG Honey, you want me to help you clean that up?
KIM No, that’s okay. I’ll be right back.
(Edward begins styling women’s hair and becomes famous.)
HOUSEWIFE This can’t possibly be my Alexis. (to Edward)
She looks so beautiful. Look at you. She’s gorgeous. Thank you.
PEG It won’t be long. She has just to decide on the style, and then it will be fine. She just has
to decide what style she wants.
JOYCE I was hoping for something big and bouffant. Kind of like mine. Don’t you worry , Kisses. You’ll be so pretty. Eddie, is there anything
you can’t do? You take my breath away. I swear. Look at this. Have you ever cut a woman’s hair? Would you cut mine? That was the single most thrilling experience of my whole life.
PEG
We’re getting the head of the company.
KIM I’m home.
PEG Hi, honey. We’re in here.
KIM Hi! What did you do to your hair?
PEG Edward cut it. Isn’t it wild? (on telephone) <!–nextpage–> Hello. Oh, I can’t believe I’m talking to you in person. This is such an honor. Yes. He’s right here. Great. So then you know all about it. Aha. That’s exactly what I’ve been using. Well, I’ve had a little trouble getting it to the right consistency. Yeah, right. just a
little. I’ll try that. Well, what imaginative suggestions! I sure will. Thank you so much. Bye bye. (to Edward) No wonder she’s the head of the company. You know, she started out as a sales representative
just like me. I’ve always wanted to talk to her but until now I never had a reason. Thanks, Edward.
EDWARD She had some ideas?
PEG You bet she did. (At the Airport)
MARGIE I’ll get that.
MARGIE Edward! We’re here. Come on. Let’s get you sharpened up.
JIM You got it?
KIM No, I can’t believe this. (Kim sees Edward coming.) Do you have a key?
EDWARD
No.
KIM I could have sworn I put it in here somewhere.
JIM Well, we’re stranded.
(Edward opens the locked door with his scissorhands.)
KIM Wow! Thanks.
JIM
Ed, what a guy! Good job. Hey, you didn’t break it or scratch it or anything. Hey, be a pal and yell when Peg pulls in, huh?
TV HOST Quite a story, yes? Any questions for Edward?
Yeah, get way over. Stand right up.
WOMAN 1 What’s been the best part of your new life here in town?
EDWARD
The friends I’ve made.
TV HOST Any other questions?
WOMAN 2 Have you ever thought of having corrective
surgery or prosthetics? I know a doctor that might be able to help you.
EDWARD I’d like to meet him.
TV HOST
We’ll give that name after the show. Thank you very much. That’s very nice. Anyone else? Yes, stand right up.
WOMAN 3 But if you had regular hands you’d be like
everyone else.
EDWARD Yes, I know.
TV HOST I think he’d like that.
WOMAN 4 Then no one would think you’re special. You wouldn’t be on TV or anything.
PEG No matter what, Edward will always special.
TV HOST More questions? Stand right up.
WOMAN 5 Your work is so interesting distinctive and unique. Do you have plans to open your own
beauty salon?
TV HOST There’s an idea. Anyone else? Yeah.
WOMAN 6 Do you have a girl friend? Ahh.
(Living room in Peg’s)
JIM Sure, he does. Right, Kim?
KIM Now you got him started.
JIM Knock it off, bubble- butt.
KEVIN You did it.
JIM So? (On the TV Show)
TV HOST How about it? Is there some special lady in
your life?
TV HOST Uh, everything’s all right. He’ll take a break and we’ll be right back after these messages.
KIM
Why are you laughing? He got hurt.
JIM It was a little shock. Ha! Ha! Ha!
KIM A little shock?
JIM I wish we’d been taping that. I’d give my left nut to see that again. (Edward in beauty salon)
JOYCE
Aren’t you excited? Oh, this is just so thrilling. Wait till I show it to you. It’s just perfect. It’s just what we’ve been looking for. I want to call it “Shear Heaven.” Here we are. No, all along here I’m going to put a row of new mirrors. Back up here a whole row of new
cosmetics. (TV 1/4) All along this row here.
EDWARD Peg could sell cosmetics.
JOYCE Sure. This is where I stand when I greet the customers. Back in here is what I really want to show you. This is the storeroom for supplies. What I need from you today is to help
me make a decision. Don’t, that’s dangerous. You just sit down right there. I have some smocks. Would you like me to model them? This is my favorite because it’s yellow. And what it’s for is to catch itchy little trimming that fall down your neck. Then there’s this old
purple one, you know, you kind of drape around you like this.
EDWARD I like that one.
JOYCE
You’re trembling. So am I. I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long. Edward! Edward, you come back here! You can’t do that! (In the Restaurant)
BILL
Veloro. Veloro. Sweetheart. That hangs on the dash board.
PEG I’ve never seen that.
EDWARD
Sorry I’m late.
PEG Hi, Edward. Sorry. We had to go ahead without you. Here you go.
BILL
So, Edward, did you have a productive day?
EDWARD Mrs. Monroe showed me where the salon is going to be. You could have a cosmetic counter.
PEG
Wouldn’t that be great?
BILL Great.
EDWARD And then she showed me the back room where she
took all of her clothes off.
BILL Edward. I can’t tell you how thrilled I am. I’m just as pleased as Punch. This whole beauty parlor, that’s what’s going to teach you
volumes. There’s nothing like running your own business. I’ve never done it myself, but from what I gather it’s the greatest satisfaction a working man can have. So I guess the bank is going to be your next step, huh?
EDWARD The bank?
BILL Yeah, take out a loan. Get yourself started. Nothing to worry about. With your talent and
reputation, it’s going to be a snap. Now.
BANK CLERK No credit, no record of jobs you’ve held, no savings, no personal investment, no social security number. You may as well not even
exist. There is no collateral.
PEG You know. We already have a second on the house, but don’t the testimonials make a difference? Did you see here, the mayor’s wife
can’t wait to become a client?
BANK CLERK We simply can’t do it. Now get yourself a social security card. Establish credit and buy yourself a car. You have the side to advantage.
You can get one of those handicapped placards. No problem. Park anywhere you like.
PEG I can’t believe it. Really, it’s just an outrage. Don’t you worry. This isn’t the end of
it. We’ll get your money somewhere.
KIM But that’s breaking and entering.
JIM Look. My parents have insurance up the rear.
Okay? And all it will cost them is a little hassle. That’s about it. In a week my dad will have new and better everything.
KIM We can’t.
JIM Look. There’s a guy who will give us cash for the stuff.
KIM Jim, I don’t want to.
JIM Well, do you want to ride around in a van like Denny’s, and we could be by ourselves whenever we like? With a mattress in the back?
KIM
Why can’t you just do it?
JIM Because my father keeps the damn room locked, and we need Edward to get us in.
KIM
Why can’t you take the key like when he’s sleeping or something?
JIM Look, you don’t understand, everything he handcuffs or ties will do anything for you.
KIM What do you mean? That’s not true.
JIM Oh, no? Why don’t you ask him?
KIM That’s not fair.
JIM What’s fair got to do with it? There isn’t any other way.
KIM There got to be.
