Benny and Joon
Benny Not so hard.
Joon Wow. You actually have cuticles.
Benny I know. It’s amazing. What the hell is he doing?
Joon Mashed potatoes. So are you and Ruthie considering item-hood? Are you? Benjamin and Ruthamin sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. First comes love, then comes marriage. . .
Benny Get out of here.
Joon . . . then comes little Ruthamins and Benjamins and a baby carriage.
Benny I’m just taking her out to dinner.
Ruthie That’s a good joke.
Benny You like that?
Ruthie Uh-uh. What time you got?
Benny It’s eleven.
Ruthie On the nose?
Benny Right, exactly.
Ruthie I don’t think I’ve ever asked anybody the time before and had it been right on the nose.
Benny That’s weird, isn’t it? It’s, right on the nose.
Ruthie Do you. . . Do you want to come in for a while? I erm, I got that beer waiting for you.
Benny Erm. You know what? I should probably go.
Ruthie Okay.
Benny Listen, erm. Can I, can I tell you something?
Ruthie What?
Benny Erm, you see, my life is just real. . . complicated, and. . .
Ruthie Give me a break Benny. I just offered you a beer, okay?
Benny No.
Joon Why don’t we pick up Ruthie, and get some ice-cream?
Sam Yeah, let’s get her.
Benny No.
Sam Why?
Benny ‘Cos, she doesn’t want to talk to me.
Sam Oh.
Benny Come on, we should go. Knock it off. He is. . . He’s incredible. He’s amazing.
Joon Did you have to go to school for that?
Sam No. No, I got thrown out of school for that.
Joon Really?
Sam Oh yeah.
Benny Hey, listen. Why don’t you guys go on ahead? I’m gonna. . . I’m just gonna hang here for a while.
Sam Okay?
Joon Really?
Benny Yeah. Go ahead. I’ll see you at home, later. All right?
Sam Okay.
Joon Okay.
Benny That was. . . that was great.
Sam No, no, no.
Benny Thank you.
Sam Thank you. Bye bye. Joon?
Joon What?
Sam I, I love you.
Joon Me, too. Don’t tell Benny.
Sam Okay.
Benny Did you see the way you had everyone in the palm of your hand? Huh? You’ve got this gift, and you shouldn’t ignore it, you should be out there doing something with it.
Sam Like what?
Benny I don’t know, all I know is I looked at you and I said ‘This guy is something else’. You’re special. You’re not some regular schmoe like the rest of us, who do what we do because we have to do it. You’re blessed.
Sam Benny?
Benny What?
Sam How sick is she?
Benny She’s plenty sick. Now listen to me, I’ve been doing some thinking.
Sam Because, you know, it seems to me that, I mean, except from being a little mentally ill, she’s pretty normal, you know?
Benny Do you realise you could be the next Buster Keeton? I’m telling you, Randy. Listen to me, you’ve got to see this guy. Tell him Eric.
Eric He’s funny.
Benny He’s truly amazing. Will you see him?
Randy Yeah I’ll see him.
Benny You’ll see him?
Randy Yeah, you never know. You know most of these guys work locally, but some of them, the better ones, you can book in the out of town clubs.
Benny You book them out of town?
Randy I book ’em all over. I book ’em in Detroit, Boston, sometimes LA.
Benny Whoa! Really? Can you see him tonight?
Randy I’d love to see him tonight.
Benny Hi.
Ruthie Is my car ready?
Benny How you doing? Oh come on in, come on in. Erm, listen, erm, I want to apologise for the other night. It all came out wrong.
Ruthie No. No, it’s okay.
Benny No I do.
Ruthie How’s my car?
Benny Oh, it’s running great. Your fuel pump was shot, I threw in a new one. It’s running great.
Ruthie How much do I owe you?
Benny Er, I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you just give me thirty bucks for the part, I’m not going to charge you for the labour. All right? Okay?
Ruthie Yes.
Benny Listen. If you’re not doing anything later, I just lined up this thing for Sam.
Ruthie What thing?
Benny Well it’s kind of like an audition. You know? Maybe his chance to make a living at all this crazy stuff that he does. Who knows? Maybe he could travel, play clubs. I don’t know, you know? So if you’re not doing anything later and you feel like. . .
Ruthie Er, I don’t know Benny. I got food to deliver, apartments to rent. My life’s pretty complicated right now, you know? Thanks. Bye.
Benny We’ll lay out the whole routine right after dinner. You know what you could start with? Do you remember the, the roll thing you were doing in the diner?
Joon Who died and made you Ed McMahon?
Benny What’s your problem? This is his chance to do something, be somebody.
Joon He is somebody.
Benny Yeah I know, but he wants to be more.
Joon You don’t know what he wants.
Benny I know he doesn’t want to be a housekeeper for the rest of his life. If you’re worried about getting a new Smail, don’t worry about it, we’ll get a new Smail.
Joon He’s not my Smail.
Benny Housekeeper, whatever.
Joon We have to tell him.
