Benny and Joon

Benny She already has a home.

Social Worker Benny, she’d be with her peers.

Benny Yeah, she hates her peers. She has already quit two the day centres to prove it. Look, all we need right now is a new housekeeper.

Social Worker Well I know of no one else. You’ve been up and down the list. Now you might want to entertain the possibility that there’s some people, more capable of handling these episodes than you. I am beginning to think that that you two living together may not be the best thing any more.

Benny I’m her brother, and I’m her only family. And we’ve done just fine, the two of us for twelve years.

Social Worker Yes, but her stress level is always a factor in her display of symptoms. Her agitation should be kept to a minimum.

Benny Everybody gets agitated. Sometimes it’s the only option.

Social Worker Benny, don’t get me wrong, I’m impressed how you’ve managed this long. But a group home would give her a chance to develop other relationships. Also, we don’t know this, but, what if she were capable of a part-time job? They’d encourage her in that direction. These are very nice places – nurturing, supportive.

Benny I’m not farming her out.

Joon I have every right to be outside officer. I have every right.

Police Officer Yes, ma’am. May I see some ID please?

Benny Hey, Waldo, did you start that brake job yet?

Waldo Joon called. She says that you’ve run out of tapioca.

Benny She what?

Waldo Oh, and the police will corroborate.

Benny Holy shit. Listen, Jack, you wanna go to the baseball game tonight?

Jack Hey, thanks, Benny.

Benny Box seats. Hello? Joon? Time for your meds, Joon. Good night, Steve. Oh, hello. How’s it going?

Woman I appreciate the deal on the engine.

Benny Oh yeah, no problem. Is it running all right?

Woman Yeah, it’s running great.

Benny Oh, good.

Woman So, er, can I erm, can I make it up to you with some dinner?

Benny Some dinner? Erm, you serious?

Woman Yeah, dinner with you.

Benny Erm, you know what, I can’t. I mean I’d like to, but. . .

Woman Okay.

Benny Okay.

Eric Stupid. Stupid.

Benny Eighteen, fifteen.

Joon Seventeen, sixteen.

Benny Eighteen, fifteen!

Joon It caught the corner.

Benny It was a foot off the table.

Joon It was not.

Benny Juniper.

Joon Benjamin. Don’t underestimate the mentally ill, we know how to count.

Benny Okay, fine, seventeen, sixteen.

Joon You can’t give me what was already mine. You’re trying to cheat.

Benny I’m not cheating.

Joon You’re cheating.

Benny Joon, I don’t cheat. You’re the one who’s cheating.

Joon You’re all trying to cheat me, you’re trying to cheat me.

Thomas Yeah, all right, I spoke to some of the guys on the staff, Benny. Nobody wants to be a housekeeper. I will keep trying, but I got to tell you, honestly, I don’t think so.

Benny Yeah, okay. Thanks. Bye. Okay, Stevie. I mean, I can’t even keep a goldfish alive. What chance do I have with Joon? If something bad happened to her I’d. . . I’d never ever be able to forgive myself.

Eric A group home is the right thing for her, Benny.

Benny Yeah, this is definitely for her own good.

Eric Hey, it’s for both your own good. How much longer can you do this to yourself? You’re life is literally passing you by.

Benny You’re right. You’re right. What am I doing with myself? I spend my life working on cars and taking care of my sister. I can’t even have a relationship without having to worry how Joon is gonna fit in.

Eric You know, once she gets settled in, you could actually take a vacation. Travel a little. I can hold down the fort, no problem.

Benny Travel? Travel?

Eric Benny, there’s a whole world out there, man. I mean, picture yourself on the open road, wind in the hair in the El Camino. Highway stretching out b. . . what’s that? Up ahead? A lovely motorist. Stranded. Carburetor trouble. Better investigate.

Benny Yeah, right, I’m going to be stopping at a pay phone every fifteen minutes to call Joon to see how she’s doing.

Mike Okay, let’s see, Black Sabbath over there.

Thomas You got that flash light?

Mike It’s not a flash light. It turns out it’s a brush kind of thing. Here’s a hat, Benny.

Thomas Where’s the batteries?

Mike You, you didn’t win any batteries. What are you talking about? Who gets the ice nudies?

Thomas Those are mine.

Mike Okay. Hey guys, come on, hurry it up, huh. Or we’ll start without you.

Joon I’ve been known to play a little cards.

Mike Box of thirty-ought-six cartridges.

Joon Medium sized green haired troll.

Thomas Soap on a rope, slightly used. Cards?