Edward Scissorhands
script used with courtesey of Sci-Fi Scripts
Edward Sissorhands
OLD KIM Snuggle in, sweetie. It’s cold out there.
GRANDDAUGHTER Why is it snowing, grandma? Where does it come from?
OLD KIM Oh, that’s a long story, sweetheart.
GRANDDAUGHTER I want to hear.
OLD KIM Oh, not tonight. Go to sleep.
GRANDDAUGHTER I’m not sleepy. Tell me, please.
OLD KIM
Well, all right. Let’s see. I guess it would have to start with scissors.
GRANDDAUGHTER Scissors?
OLD KIM
Well, there are all kinds of scissors. And once there was even a man who had scissors for hands.
GRANDDAUGHTER A man?
OLD KIM Yes.
GRANDDAUGHTER Hands, scissors?
OLD KIM No, scissorhands. You know the mansion on top of the mountain?
GRANDDAUGHTER It’s haunted.
OLD KIM Well, a long time ago, an inventor lived in that mansion. He made many things, I suppose. He also created a man. He gave him inside, a heart, a brain, everything. Well, almost
everything. You see, the inventor was very old. He died before he got to finish the man he invented. So the man was left by himself, incomplete and all alone.
GRANDDAUGHTER
He didn’t have a name?
OLD KIM Of course, he had a name. His name was Edward.
PEG Avon calling.
HELEN Weren’t you just here?
PEG No, not since last season. Today I’ve come to show you our exquisite new line of soft colors
in shadows, blushes and lipstick. Everything you need to accent and highlight your changing looks.
HELEN My changing looks? That’s good.
(Helen chuckles)
PEG Well, it goes that saying and I also have a complete selection of your old favorites, those tried-and-true products we’ve all come to
depend on year-in and year-out.
HELEN Come on, Peg. I never buy anything from you. You know that?
PEG
I know. Bye, Helen.
REPAIRMAN You know, you didn’t have to call me, ma’am. You could have taken care of this by yourself.
JOYCE
I could? I don’t think so.
REPAIRMAN Yeah, you see, it’s easy. The food trap’s clogged. That’s all. You see this bolt here? You just unscrew this. OK? And out she pops.
JOYCE You know, on TV they say you repairmen are lonely bunch of people. Housewives get lonely too. Although you may not realize it since they haven’t made a commercial on the subject.
REPAIRMAN And then you just take this and put it back in here nice and easy. Be careful not to force it, because it fits in there by itself. And then you just screw this back on.
(The bell rings.)
JOYCE On no! Who could that be? Will you excuse me for a moment? Now. Don’t go anywhere. I’ll be right back. This is fascinating. I wouldn’t
want to miss a moment of it.
PEG Good morning, Joyce. Avon calling.
JOYCE Why! Peg. Have you gone blind? Can’t you see
there’s a vehicle in my driveway?
PEG Oh, yes.
JOYCE Well, I’m surprised you don’t realize that
means I’m busy. (Joyce shuts the door with a bang.)
PEG Okay. Now, we should decide on lipsticks. Okay,
dear, what one did you like best? There was the Winsome Wahini which looked charming on you. Or the Bahenie Bliss.
A GIRL I like them both.
PEG Well, great.
A GIRL You don’t actually think I have any money, do you?
(Peg gets in her car.)
CHILDREN Ding, dong, the Avon lady.
PEG It’s just not my day.
(Disappointed Peg sees a mansion through her rearview mirror and drives to the place. She is attracted by the beautiful garden there and enters the mansion.)
PEG Oh, my goodness.
PEG Oh, it’s so beautiful. Hello? (Birds flying)
Hello? Avon calling, oh my. Hello, I’m Peg Boggs. I’m your local Avon representative. Hello. I’m sorry to barge in like this. But you don’t have any reason to be afraid. This is some huge house, isn’t it? Thank goodness for those aerobics classes.
(Snipping)
PEG Hello. Hello. Why are you hiding back there? You don’t have to hide from me. I’m Peg Boggs. I’m your local Avon representative and I’m as
harmless as cherry pie. (Peg sees Edward’s scissorhands.) Oh my! I can see that I’ve disturbed you. How stupid of me! I’ll just be going now.
EDWARD
Don’t go.
PEG Oh my! What happened to you?
EDWARD I’m not finished.
PEG Uh, put those down. Don’t come any closer. Just please… Those are your hands? Those are your hands. What happened to you? Where are your parents? Hum… Your mother? Your father?
EDWARD He didn’t wake up.
PEG Are you alone? Do you live up here all by yourself? What happened to your face? Hum, you
know, I won’t hurt you. But at the very least let me give you a good astringent and this will help to prevent infection. What’s your name?
EDWARD Edward.
PEG Edward? I think you should just come home with me. (Peg takes Edward to her home)
PEG
Oh!
EDWARD I’m-I’m sorry.
PEG No, Don’t be. You go ahead and look you have
every reason to be excited.
PEG Oh! Are you ok?
EDWARD Are you ok?
(Ring)
HELEN Hello.
MARGIE Hi, it’s Margie. Listen, I was standing outside
talking to Carol and Peg drove by, she had somebody in the car.
HELEN Did you get a good look?
MARGIE
No, did she say anything to you, about having guest?
HELEN She didn’t say anything. She rang my doorbell early this morning.
MARGIE No, ok, I’ll meet you on the corner. Right, Bye. (Birds signal)
HELEN
Oh, damn!
PEG Here we go, dear. This is our house. And you can just go right in and make yourself right at home. OK? And just, well have something to eat
or drink, whatever you… Here, dear. Here you… This is the front door here, Here we go, right in here. (A woman talks on the phone)
A WOMAN
Joyce, I just saw this strange guy drop in with Peg. I didn’t get a very good look at him. He looked kind of pale. Okay, I’ll be right there. Don’t do anything without me. Okay? Bye.
JOYCE
Yes, I’ll be right there.
PEG Here we are. So, oh, this is the living room and back here, the bedrooms. You want to see the pictures? All right. Well, this is my
husband, Bill. He’s a bowling champion. Do you know what bowling is? Bowling? Well, here they are down at the lake, fishing. I think Kevin looks a little glum Because they didn’t catch anything that day. And here’s my daughter, Kim. All dressed up the junior prom. She’s a senior
now. I can’t believe it. She’s camping in the mountains with some friends, but she’ll be back in a few days and you can meet her then. Isn’t she beautiful? That’s my family. Now, go on, dear. I’ll show you the rest of the house. Then you can just freshen up and make yourself at
home. Okay? That’s the kitchen over there. You help yourself to anything you want to eat or drink. Those are grapes. Back here are the bedrooms. Let me get you some towels, then I will see what we can find to wear. You know what? I think I have some of Bill’s old clothes
in here. This is perfect. Here. These should just fit you. (The phone rings.) Oh, no, no. Don’t be alarmed. That’s just a phone. Now you can go in Kim’s room and put these on. I’ll be right with you.
PEG No, no, scissors. That’s right. Well, he was born up there or something. Have you seen him before? No, I don’t think he’s been off the grounds before today. You’re kidding. How did
you get together with him? I have to go. I’ll talk to you later Margie, Bye-bye. (to Edward) I’m sorry Edward, I didn’t… oh, dear. May I help you with this?
EDWARD Thank you.
PEG There you go. Oh, dear, you’ve cut your face. Let me get this right off. Does that hurt?
Okay. No, good. Now let’s get you dressed. Okay. There we go. Very fine. You look fine, just fine. Come on, we can’t wait for you. You’ve got rollers in your damn hair.
PEG
Okay. Now what did I do with my sci… Edward, um, would you. Thank you. I have a doctor friend who I think could help you.
EDWARD Really?
PEG Yes, I can help with the scars. I just want to consult the Avon handbook before doing anything.
PEG
Kevin, it’s not polite to stare. Think how it would make you feel if somebody were staring at you.
KEVIN I wouldn’t care.
PEG Well, I would, so don’t do it!
BILL This must be quite a change for you, Ed.
PEG I think he prefers Edward.
BILL Sure. So what have you been doing up there in that big old place? I bet the view must be
spectacular, Ed.
PEG I was just…
BILL See all the way to the ocean?
EDWARD Sometimes.
PEG Bill, could I have the salt and pepper? Thank you.
KEVIN Man, those things are cool. You know I bet they’re razor sharp. One karate chop to a guy’s neck…
PEG
Would you like some butter for your bread?
PEG Great.
EDWARD Thank you.
KEVIN Can I bring him to show and tell on Monday?
PEG I’ve had enough.
PEG (to Edward) You think you can sleep? Things feel strange now, but soon you’ll feel right at home. Good night. (Peg tries to cover Edward’s
scars.)
PEG The light concealing cream goes on first, then you blend and blend and blend. Blending is the secret. More concealing for you? But you
complexion is so fair. Now this has a touch of lavender in it. Give it a try here. Close enough. OK. This should do the trick here. I have another idea. We’ll cover up the scars and start with a completely smooth surface. Don’t eat this stuff! Sports announcements on
RADIO Hartely into the windup and the strike one pitch. Swung on and missed strike two. If it’s a hit, the club has 12 hits. But they still have 11 on the scoreboard and it’s 3-1. 0 and 2
the count to Warren. Now they change it to 12 hits.
BILL Turn it up, Kevin. I can’t hear it. Kevin! No, make it louder. Sports announcements on
RADIO Hartely’s strike two pitch is hammered.
KEVIN You hear that, Mr. Boggs?
BILL No, make it louder. Sports announcements on
RADIO It’s going way back. It’s gone. It’s out of here. It is history.
KEVIN Dad, look! Sports announcements on
RADIO A grand slam for Martinez to make it a five-run inning and blow this game to pieces.
BILL I’ll be darned.
PEG They filled the whole tape. (Peg listens to the recorded
phones.)
RECORDED VOICES What’s going on over there, Peg. Call me….Hi, it’s Margie. Who is he? Call me. Oh, by the way, here it’s pouring rain in the mountains.
You think the kids are okay?…Hi, there, darling. The gals are all in a tizzy about your secret visitor. You can’t keep him a secret forever.
