Cry Baby
Baldwin & Whiffles (singing) Hello, hello again. Sh boom, I’m hoping we’ll meet again. Sh boom, sh boom.
Baldwin (singing) Life could be a dream, sweetheart.
Cry-Baby Uncle Belvedere!
Belvedere You caught me in my birthday suit, buck-naked.
Pepper Grandma, we’re home!
Dupree How much?
Ramona That muffler? Dupree, for you… fifteen bucks take it or leave it.
Dupree Come on, Ramona. Ten. This thing’s hotter than a pistol.
Ramona You guys wanna do business with Ramona Rickettes, or would you rather shop at Sears? Now, give me the bread and keep your trap shut!
Dupree You’re a hard woman.
Ramona I’m gonna see you in hell, Dupree. Go on, get outta here.
Pepper Have you been bothering you great-grandma all day? She has customers.
Dupree Hell, no. They helped me steal a car.
Snare-Drum It’s a fifty-one Olds. It’s really cool.
Pepper That’s my little Snare-Drum.
Susie-Q And Ma, I swiped six hubcaps like a big girl.
Pepper Way to go, Susie-Q.
Snare-Drum Make those monster faces, Hatchet. Please.
Ramona Goddamn gopher’s digging up my front yard. What are you teenagers waiting for? Turkey Point is open for business! Let’s celebrate! Yee-ha!
Belvedere Come on.
Ramona Come on.
Belvedere Come on, everybody. Come on in. Today’s a special day for me and your grandmother. We’ve been together ten whole years.
Ramona I’m just so proud of all my Drape children. Oh, Wanda, you sure is pretty in them tight clothes, all painted up like trash.
Wanda I wish you and Belvedere were my parents.
Ramona Oh… Now, Milton… boy, you are everything a man should be. You’re young, stupid and mean.
Milton We’re gonna play some cool music for you tonight, Ramona.
Ramona And, Hatchet-Face. Oh, honey. You’re just like me. Now, you put the “T” in “tough”. So hard, you could’ve been eating nails for breakfast. But that’s the way a woman’s got to be these days.
Hatchet-Face I’d kick a Square’s ass for you in a minute, Mrs Rickettes.
Ramona Oh, this is the best gang my grandson could ever have.
Pepper Grandma, I’m so happy all knocked up… I wish I was having triplets.
Ramona Well, we’ve got a little surprise for your young’un in your oven. You show her, Bel.
Belvedere Sure will.
Cry-Baby Oh, Pepper, ain’t that cute?
Pepper It’s beautiful, Grandma.
Ramona Cry-Baby. When you was a boy, you had to be the man of this family.
Belvedere But I taught you how to dress, didn’t I, Cry-Baby?
Cry-Baby Sure did, Uncle Bel.
Ramona Oh, well. You’re the future now, boy. You’re the only future for this godforsaken family. And I want you to go out there tonight and sing, boy. I want you to sing your heart out. You can show him now, Belvedere. This took a lot of hubcaps, Cry-Baby.
Hatchet-Face Wow.
Pepper Whoa.
Snare-Drum Cool.
Susie-Q Cool.
Pepper Wow.
Snare-Drum That’s neat.
Cry-Baby Grandmother, Uncle Belvedere… you’ve made me the happiest juvenile delinquent in Baltimore. And guess what? I met a girl!
Allison (singing) My friends all know it. How I adore him. I’ve whispered to angels. What I’d do for him. He is the answer. To a teenage prayer. He won’t go steady. The crowd has told me. But I keep waiting. To have him hold me. Why won’t you listen? To a teenage prayer. I wait by the window at seven. And chill when my thrill passes by. His kiss could send me to heaven. Into his arms I would fly… My girlfriend, Betty. Tells me he’s lazy. But I know Betty. Loves him like crazy. He is the answer to a teenage prayer. Yes, he is the answer…
Mrs Vernon Williams All right, girls. What this is, this is unfortunately a red alert. So please take your duck-and-cover positions immediately. It, it is only an air-raid drill. There are no atom bombs actually being dropped.
Baldwin You were incredible, honey. Where did you learn to sing like that?
Allison Just practicing. Baldwin.
Mrs Vernon Williams All right, boys and girls. That’s the all-clear signal. You can come out now. Everyone is safe and sound. Stay in your places.
Baldwin Whiffle. Is he here? Is he here? I can’t see anything.
Square Yeah, that’s him. Cry-Baby Walker.
Cry-Baby I’m sorry about this afternoon, Mrs Vernon Williams. Is Allison home? ‘Cos, er, I’m going to sing tonight and I thought she might like to hear me. Aagh!
Mrs Vernon Williams Baldwin! Mind your manners.
Baldwin This is what we think of your kind of music.
Allison How dare you hit him! You don’t own me, Baldwin. I have the right to hear Cry-Baby sing.
Baldwin Don’t get all worked up, honey. The punk got what he deserved.
Cry-Baby Come on.
Mrs Vernon Williams Allison.
Square Get up. Get up. Go!
Mrs Vernon Williams Allison.
Cry-Baby Hop on, honey.
Mrs Vernon Williams Just one minute, young lady.
Cry-Baby Listen, I’ll take good care of her, Mrs Vernon Williams. I promise. And it’s okay about my face. It don’t hurt much.
Allison Please. It’s not a school night and I’ve been a good girl. Just one night of happiness, that’s all I ask.
Mrs Vernon Williams But… what if you get your dress dirty?
Allison Thank you, grandmother.
Cry-Baby You okay? I didn’t get no axle grease on you, did I?
Allison No. No, I’m fine.
Cry-Baby You been to Turkey Point before?
Allison My grandmother wouldn’t let me. She calls it the Redneck Riviera.
Cry-Baby It’s where I live. Beautiful, ain’t it?
Allison It’s really wild. But I’m, I’m afraid that I’m not gonna fit in here. You know, with your friends and stuff.
Cry-Baby You’re cool, Allison. You just look Square. Underneath it all, I think you’re really hep.
Hatchet-Face Well, what have we here?
Wanda First Square to ever set foot in Turkey Point.
Pepper Hey, fine mama. Welcome to the Jukebox Jamboree.
Cry-Baby These are the Cry-Baby girls. That’s Wanda.
Wanda Dig it, babe. You need a new look.
Hatchet-Face Don’t you got tits? Stick ’em out, for God’s sake.
Cry-Baby That’s Hatchet-Face. She don’t mean no harm.
Pepper First thing a Cry-Baby girl learns, our bazooms are our weapons.
Cry-Baby Now, Pepper’s pregnant. But she can fight like a man.
Wanda I wouldn’t be caught dead in a full skirt.
Pepper Hey girls, what do you think? Let’s give Allison here a bad-girl beauty makeover. Are you game?
Allison Sure. Think I got what it takes?
Cry-Baby You got it, Allison. You got it raw.
Ramona Hey, hey, hey! Dig it all you hep cats and cool chicks. You know me. Ramona Rickettes! Now let me introduce to you the Cry-Baby Combo… Milton, Pepper, Wanda, Hatchet-Face.
Snare-Drum & Susie-Q Hi, Mom.
Ramona And now, the baddest baby of them all… the man you came here for… the big boo-hoo… the terrible teardrop… ladies and gentlemen, my grandson, Cry-Baby!
