The Astronaut’s wife
Voice 2 Ground Control, this is Victory. We are down.
Doctor He’s breathing on his own. His vital functions are good. As far as we can tell, there has been no brain damage, so it should only be a matter of time before your husband regains consciousness.
Jillian So he’s going to be okay?
Doctor Absolutely.
Jillian And what about Alex?
Doctor Captain Streck is an older man than your husband. There was a tremendous strain on his heart.
Jillian Natalie.
Spencer Jillian. Jillian.
Jillian Hey.
Spencer Hey.
Jillian Hey.
Spencer Hey, you.
Jillian I missed you so much. How are you?
Spencer I’m all right.
Jillian Yeah?
Spencer Yeah, I’m all right.
Jillian Good.
Spencer I got to pee.
Jillian Yeah. I’ll see what I can do for you.
Spencer Where’s Alex? Is he all right?
Alex Spencer. Spencer. Spencer, what is that? Did you feel that?
Natalie Alex?
Alex My God, what is that?
Natalie Alex. Honey, I’m here.
Alex God damn it.
Natalie What can I do? Alex!
Doctor Jesus. Hold him.
Natalie Help him!
Doctor Clear.
Nurse That’s it. He’s still at zero. Nothing. Charging, three hundred.
Doctor Clear.
Nurse We got him.
Doctor Hold off on that intubator. Stand by with some Dopamine. Let’s get an EKG prepped.
Jillian What did you say?
Spencer Well, I told that bloated fast-food eating motherfucker that we’d never have gotten a chance to be heroes if he hadn’t cut our budget and forced us to put that piece of shit exploding satellite into orbit.
Jillian Really?
Spencer Yeah.
Jillian And then what happened?
Spencer Ah, you know, he said he’d never been talked to like that before by anybody, and I said I didn’t give a big hairy rat’s ass, and if he ever called me again, I would track him down, roust him out of his bunk, pull his pants around his ankles and spank him with a coat hanger right there in front of his wife and children.
Jillian Well, that’s real subtle.
Spencer Yeah, I thought it pretty subtle.
Jillian You want to tell me what you really said to the president?
Spencer Yeah. I thanked him for his call. Then I asked him what he was wearing, and er, he started breathing kind of heavy, made a funny noise and hung up. What do you think that means?
Jillian Maybe he’s not into you.
Spencer I guess not. She’s got balloons. Why didn’t I get no balloons?
Jillian Because you got candy.
Spencer I ain’t got no candy.
Jillian You got candy.
Spencer Where’s my candy?
Jillian In the car.
Natalie Does he ever talk about it? Did Spencer ever say anything about what happened up there? What it was like when they were alone?
Jillian It’s going to be okay. They’re back.
Natalie He doesn’t talk about it, does he? Neither does Alex. Never mentions it, not a word.
Jillian Well, do you blame them?
Natalie Those two minutes, they almost died, Jillian.
Jillian But they didn’t.
Natalie But they almost did. To go through that together, to come back, and never talk about it, never bring it up, it’s bizarre.
Jillian Natalie, it’s over.
Natalie Honey. I know this has to be hard for you, too. It just scares me that they act like it never happened.
Spencer There you go.
Mike Thanks, Commander.
Spencer You got it, Buddy.
Boy (voice) Hey, Mike, what did he write?
Spencer Hey. Guess what.
Jillian What?
Spencer I’m resigning from the service.
Jillian Because of what happened?
Spencer No, it’s because I’m done up there. I got an offer, from an aerospace firm, executive position, lots of money. I mean boatloads of money, Jill.
Jillian What do you know about being an executive? You’re a flier, Spence.
Spencer No, honey. What I am, is a true American hero. The president of the United States of America said that and you heard it.
Jillian Yeah.
Spencer Anyway. . . Apparently, it’s pretty good for business to have a true American hero on the company letterhead. The thing of it is, Jill. . . is that the, er, company headquarters. . . it’s in New York City.
Jillian You’re kidding, right?
Spencer No.
Jillian New York? You hate New York. Too many people, remember?
Spencer I know.
Jillian We have a life here, Spencer. . . my job, our friends, everything.
Spencer Yeah. So, what do you say? Will you do it? Will you move to New York City with me? Huh?
Jillian You’ve always been there for me. I want to be there for you. Let’s go to New York.
Alex What do you say?
Paula Mrs Armacost?
Jillian Yes, Paula?
Paula When your husband is in space, does he veer see God?
Calvin What about aliens? Does he see aliens? Does your husband bring a laser gun in case there are aliens? If I were going, I’d bring two laser guns, a little one for my pocket and one laser rifle. Does your husband have a laser rifle? Does he get to bring it home with him? Does it work here on Earth or only in space?
Jillian You know what, Calvin?
Calvin What, Mrs Armacost?
Jillian I’m going to miss you.
Singers And so I face. . .
Spencer Oh, no.
Singers The final curtain. . .
