Dead Man
George What’s a scourge?
Sally It’s like when something real bad happens. Like when everybody gets killed and you can’t do anything about it. Like a swarm of locusts. For the entertainment of his guests, Nero would illuminate his whole garden with bodies of live Christians covered in burning oil, strung up on flaming crosses, crucified. And at dinner, he would have the Christians rubbed by his guards with aromatic herbs and garlic, and sewn up into sacks, And then they’d throw these sacks to the wild dogs.
George Well, that’s terrible.
Sally It’s horrible.
George Terrible’s what it is. You know, I just, I can’t drink whiskey like I used to could. My old belly just ain’t no account. I get the shits every time, don’t you know?
Sally I’m sorry, Big George. I got some food here that even Goldilocks never tasted. I think this is gonna fix up your old gut.
Benmont These beans are shit.
George Why don’t you shut your goddamn trap and just eat your beans?
Sally Them are. . . There’s possum in these beans, and spices, too. I tried hard.
George Well, Sally, I don’t give a pig’s ass what anybody says. I still say you make a hell of a pot of beans. Now, why don’t you say us a grace out of the Good Book, would you?
Sally Thank you, Big George. I’d be delighted to do that. ‘This day will the Lord deliver thee into mine hand, and I will smite thee, and take thine head from thee, and I will give the carcasses of the host of the Philistines this day unto the fowls of the air and to the wild beasts of the earth.’ Amen.
George Amen.
Benmont Amen.
George What’s a Philistine?
Sally Well, it’s just a real dirty person.
Blake Hello. I. . . smelt. . . beans.
Benmont Who are you traveling with?
Blake I’m with Nobody.
Benmont Where you headed?
Blake I don’t know.
Benmont Do you like beans?
Blake I, I love beans.
Benmont Have you got any tobacco?
Blake I’m sorry. I don’t smoke.
Sally Would you give me some tobacco?
Blake I would if I had some.
Benmont I’ll trade you some beans for some tobacco.
Blake I don’t have any tobacco, but I’d love some beans.
Sally Hurt.
Blake Yes.
George Eyeglasses.
Blake Yes.
George Pretty suit, too. I clean up real good, you know.
Blake Is that right?
George Yeah.
Benmont What size shoes are those?
Blake Ten.
Benmont They look very comfortable, are they?
Blake Not too bad.
George What kind of flower is that?
Blake Well, it’s a rose, that’s made out of paper.
Benmont Paper?
Sally Rose.
George Now you see there?
Benmont Look at the edge on that knife. Feel that.
Blake I’d rather not.
Benmont Ah, go on. That is a very, very sharp knife, that is.
Blake Huh-huh?
Benmont Yeah.
Blake Huh-huh?
Benmont Yeah.
George What do you call it?
Sally Pretty.
Blake I’m sorry.
George That hat. What do you call it?
Blake I’m really not sure.
Sally Ah, your hair. Your hair is soft. It’s like a girl’s.
George By God, it is soft. Now how do you get it that way? See, this old stuff of mine, it just, well, it’s k=just like old barn hay. There ain’t a darn thing you can do with it. How do you, how do you get it that way and keep it like that?
Blake Just lucky, I guess.
George Lucky.
Benmont Oh, yeah.
George God darn it. You keep your hand off of it.
Benmont I thought I told you not to touch me.
George I don’t give a good goddamn what you told me. You keep your hands off his hair.
Benmont Why? What’s that to do with you then, ay?
George That’s got plenty to do with me, goddamn it.
Benmont Really?
George That’s right.
Benmont This one’s mine!
George This one’s yours?
Benmont Yes. This one’s mine, Big George. You had the last one.
George Is that a fact?
Benmont I saw him first.
George I don’t give a shit who saw what and who did what or who did who.
Benmont You had the last Philistine. This one’s mine.
George If I want this one, I’ll have him, too, by God.
Benmont Fine. What happens if I just shoot you then, eh? What do you think about that?
George You gonna shoot me?
Benmont That’s right. I’m gonna shoot you.
George Well, why don’t you shoot me then, goddamn it?
Benmont I will. I’ll shoot you right now.
George Come on. Shoot me.
Benmont I will.
George Well, quit talking about it and do it, by God.
Benmont I will. There you go.
George Good God, I’m hit! Lord, have mercy! Burns like hellfire. You son of a bitch. I’m gonna have to kill somebody now. Well, God damn it, I guess nobody gets you. What the hell?
Blake Nobody.
Sally Oh Jesus, this isn’t fair. I cooked, I cleaned, and I sewed, and I have a right.
Nobody (Speaks in native language. Sings in native language)
Blake That’s me. “Wanted. For the brutal murders of one Thel Russell and one Charles Ludlow Dickinson.” I didn’t kill Thel. I didn’t kill Thel.
