The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
EXT THE WAGON NIGHT
PARNASSUS and CO are preparing to move out and do a show.
ANTON is working near PARNASSUS and PERCY who are unaware of his presence.
DR. PARNASSUS What’s eating Anton?
ANTON pricks up his ears.
PERCY He’s in love with Valentina?
DR. PARNASSUS (dumbfounded) In love….?
PERCY It happens.
DR. PARNASSUS The little snake! I’ll skin him alive!
PERCY While you’re at it, don’t forget the other one.
DR. PARNASSUS looks at PERCY questioningly.
PERCY (CONT’D) The viper, the scorpion, the amnesiac boa constrictor. Tony.
DR. PARNASSUS Quite another kettle of fish.
PERCY Really?
DOCTOR PARNASSUS He’s ambitious, energetic… a man of destiny.
PERCY (ironic) And he’s going to help us win five souls.
DR. PARNASSUS I think he might. Valentina sees good in him.
PERCY She’d be better off with Anton.
DR. PARNASSUS Perhaps I should offer her hand to whoever helps most in winning the next five souls.
PERCY That’s even worse than the other ideas you’ve had today.
DR. PARNASSUS (sighs) You’re not wrong… Ah, Percy, what would I do without you?
PERCY Get a midget.
EXT OUTSIDE PUB NIGHT
The theatre, parked outside a pub, is up and running.
ANTON, as Mercury, is doing his pitch.
ANTON Sleep no more. Procrastinate no longer. Embrace this once in a life- time opportunity. Let the mind of Doctor Parnassus be the portal to the infinite world of your imagination.
Behind the curtain, PERCY is signalling VALENTINA to see if DOCTOR PARNASSUS has been drinking. She sniffs him.
DOCTOR PARNASSUS What are you doing? Please concentrate. We’ve got a tremendous amount of work to do tonight. A great deal depends on it.
A roll on the drums from PERCY. The curtain rises. DOCTOR PARNASSUS `floats’ above the stage on his glass plinth.
ANTON As old as the universe itself, the great Doctor, versed in every mystic practice known to man, and many more besides, will guide you to your destiny.
However, the AUDIENCE – a few PASSERS-BY and DRINKERS who have drifted out of the pub for a smoke – aren’t much interested in ANTON. Instead they pay more attention to the masked TONY who, decked out in a stylish costume, is working the sparse crowd with his smooth charm.
ANTON, irritated, glances back at DOCTOR PARNASSUS who is worried about the lack of customers.
TONY is now surrounded by fascinated WOMEN. They laugh at one of his jokes. One pretty young woman, SALLY, in particular seems to be smitten by the handsome `actor’. TONY smiles seductively at her.
The sight provokes ANTON. He leaps off the stage, grabs SALLY by the wrist and begins to pull her to the stage.
PERCY keeps playing.
SALLY (laughing) What?… Hey, what you doing?
ANTON T-taking you to the heart of your imagination!
ANTON is trying to compete with TONY but just can’t manage the charm.
SALLY (good humoured) Oh my god! No way!
ANTON You won’t regret it!
FEMALE FRIEND Go for it Sal!
SALLY (indicating friend) Only if she comes with me.
FEMALE FRIEND (enthusiastic) Now you’re talking!
A few ONLOOKERS cheer.
ANTON N-not at the same time!
ANTON is still pulling SALLY onto the stage.
SALLY I’m not going on my own.
ANTON Your imagination is a very special place. Doctor Parnassus will make it flower.
SALLY I bet he will.
More laughs.
FEMALE FRIEND We’ll do it together.
More laughs.
ANTON (shakes his head) No. T-two c-competing imaginations in the Imaginarium at the same time… it’s n-not advisable.
FEMALE FRIEND Eh?
ANTON The stronger imagination will overcome the weaker and then there’s n-no knowing what might happen.
FEMALE FRIEND That’s really stupid.
SALLY Let go!
ANTON D-don’t be afraid, d-dear lady. You’ll be safe with me.
Anton sweeps her off her feet and carries her onto the stage.
SALLY Put me down!
ANTON Have no fear.
FEMALE FRIEND She doesn’t want to do it on her own!
ANTON Only b-because she d-doesn’t realize…
FEMALE FRIEND Let go of her you silly pillock!
VALENTINA, worried, steps forward to try and restrain ANTON.
VALENTINA Anton…
ANTON It’s alright! It’s alright!
Staggering under the weight of the struggling SALLY, ANTON barges into DOCTOR PARNASSUS’ on his glass plinth.
The plinth rocks and teeters. VALENTINA tries to stop it falling.
ANTON, unaware of what he’s done, disappears through the mirror as DOCTOR PARNASSUS crashes head first onto the stage. Crack!
From behind the mirror comes the sound of a woman’s terrifying, terrified screams.
FEMALE FRIEND SALLY! They’ve got her in there! That’s her screaming! SAL! They doing something to her! SALLY! Help, somebody! Help! Save her!
Upstage VALENTINA tends the stunned DOCTOR. He clutches his head in pain.
VALENTINA Father! Father!
INT/EXT THE MIND OF DR. PARNASSUS THAT MOMENT
Terrified, ANTON and the screaming SALLY are spun through a black void clinging desperately to an asteroid as planets and stars spin madly around them.
Blood-red lightning bolts crackle and crash. Chaos.
EXT OUTSIDE PUB THAT MOMENT
Out front, the CROWD, larger now, is reacting badly to the dreadful screams. Sally’s friends try to storm the stage.
TONY and PERCY try to hold them back.
TONY Please. Everything’s alright. It’s okay. Really. I promise you.
A MIDDLE AGED WOMAN hits him with her handbag.
TONY and PERCY are in danger of being overwhelmed. We can still hear Sally screaming from somewhere within the stage.
TONY (CONT’D) Ladies and gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen….please…
A DRUNK takes a swing at PERCY, misses, and connects with
TONY (CONT’D) Ugh!
He falls off the stage and disappears into the angry CROWD who begin pummelling and kicking him.
PERCY, desperate, produces a pistol and fires a couple of shots into the air.
EVERYONE dives for cover.
PERCY, taking advantage of the temporary lull, begins to race around, untying, unhooking, and pulling on ropes.
The theatre begins to close up as the horses bolt and the wagon clatters off down the street, bits falling off as it goes.
VOICE IN CROWD Somebody call the police!
A battered TONY, chased by the enraged crowd,just manages to clamber on board, with the help of VALENTINA.
The wagon narrowly succeeds in out-pacing the fastest of the CROWD. As it disappears down the street, a figure is dumped unceremoniously out through the back door of the wagon.
It’s the terrified SALLY, sent sprawling in the middle of the road.
A figure steps out from the shadows to help her to her feet. It’s MR. NICK in his bowler and red waistcoat.
EXT. RUBBISH TIP NIGHT
A police siren howls as the wagon comes crashing around the corner of a great rubbish tip and clatters to a halt… the horses steaming, sections of the theatre hanging loose, broken..an utter mess. The siren fades into the distance.
INT/EXT THEATRE/WAGON NIGHT
Amongst collapsed scenery PARNASSUS lies in a heap. The others are struggling to their feet. ANTON is desperately trying to do something useful to help PARNASSUS but, VALENTINA pushes him out of the way.
VALENTINA What were you thinking? Look what you’ve done. Get out of the way! (appealing to Tony) Tony.
TONY, battered and bleeding, helps her lift PARNASSUS and manoeuvre him to his room.
ANTON is mortified. PERCY pats him on the back.
PERCY Better luck next time.
INT PARNASSUS’ ROOM NIGHT
TONY helps VALENTINA get PARNASSUS comfortable.
DOCTOR PARNASSUS (babbling) This is my punishment. All is lost. First to Five. One down. Impossible, Valentina. First to five. One down. No people. No time, Valentina. We are doomed.
VALENTINA (very concerned) Ssshhhh… Thanks, Tony. Leave us.
TONY, nods, leaves slowly. Listening.
EXT. WAGON NIGHT
PERCY is angrily banging about, trying to repair the damage. ANTON is trying to help but, is just getting in the way.
PERCY Do me a favour. Take a long walk off a short pier.
TONY arrives.
TONY Can I help?
PERCY Bugger off!
TONY finds ANTON sitting despondently a short way from the wagon swigging from a bottle. He sits down next to him.
ANTON L-leave me alone.
TONY What were you doing to that girl behind the mirror?
ANTON (incensed) What are you suggesting?
TONY Oh, c’mon…we all heard her screaming.
ANTON I was screaming as well. It was t- terrifying…
TONY Terrifying? Why? I don’t understand.
ANTON (reluctantly) No, well…you wouldn’t. You’ve n- never been inside the D-Doctor’s mind have you?
TONY Your not trying to tell me that mind control stuff is real?
ANTON You think it’s some k-kind of scam, d-don’t you?
TONY Isn’t it?
ANTON No… But I d-don’t expect you to g- get it… N-not in a million years.
TONY Hang on.. if he can really control people’s minds, why isn’t he ruling the world? Why bother with this crappy side show?
ANTON He d-doesn’t want to rule the world d-does he?… He wants the world to rule itself!
TONY What a waste… Tell me about the mirror. What’s the point of that, if not to razzle-dazzle the public?
ANTON (smiles sardonically) You’re way off the mark. (taking a swig) It’s a b-bloody great mystery… wrapped in a b-brown p-paper b-bag enema…or do I mean, enigma…
He pulls himself up and starts to stagger off.
TONY Er… one more thing….Does `first to five’ mean anything to you?
ANTON looks at TONY with loathing.
ANTON I thought you were the c-clever one.
He walks away into the darkness.
TONY sits there busily thinking.
EXT RUBBISH TIP DAWN
The morning light suffuses mountains of domestic refuse. Rubbish for as far as the eye can see. Plastic sacks of various colours, many spilling open. A few fires are burning.
Flocks of scavenging sea gulls hover and dive, screaming blue murder.
On one of the many pinnacles of garbage sits a lonely figure. It’s ANTON, depressed, angry, forlorn.
The CAMERA SWINGS ROUND to show, below ANTON, in a valley of waste material, the wagon.
EXT. THE WAGON DAWN
PERCY has spread out the broken scenery assessing the damage. In the shadow of the wagon VALENTINA is changing TONY’S dressings.
VALENTINA Thank God it’s only cuts and bruises. I thought we’d lost you.
TONY If you hadn’t been there…
He holds her hand. Looks deep into her eyes.
TONY (CONT’D) Valentina, your father seems in a terrible state. Is it the police? The show? Maybe I can help.
VALENTINA I don’t know what’s wrong with him, but if it’s about the show…I don’t care. I’m tired of it…let the police arrest us. I’m sick of living like this….
She looks miserable. TONY puts his arms around her. Holds her tightly to him.
TONY Don’t say that. What you’re doing is important. Really important. It’s just… maybe… it should be done in a different way.
He is about to kiss her.
DOCTOR PARNASSUS O/S What sort of “different” way do you suggest?
DR. PARNASSUS, grim faced, head bandaged, steps from behind the wagon.
TONY and VALENTINA quickly disengage.
TONY Oh, hello, good morning sir. How are you feeling? That was a nasty bump on the head you got..
DOCTOR PARNASSUS O/S (beady eyed) “Different?”
TONY Well, sir, I’ve been thinking… It’s clear the show’s not attracting many people. Forgive me but… I see two ways of tackling this problem.
TONY (CONT’D) Either the style of the show is at fault… or the type of audience. I would suggest changing both.
PERCY has appeared, dragging a damaged flat.
PERCY Change the show!? Who the fizzing hell do you think you are?……
DOCTOR PARNASSUS Shhh!
He sits down heavily.
TONY I’m sorry but.. you’re not modern. People want modern. Look.
He holds open a tattered fashion magazine to a page of beautifully photographed models in a fabulously magical setting. He thumbs through more pages of dreamy images.
TONY (CONT’D) This is modern. It works. Trust me, I understand this world. (with a wink) This kind of mind control. Let’s try to meet the public halfway.. the right public.. and in a better part of town.
From behind the wagon ANTON watches forlornly. Alone and unnoticed by the others.
PERCY What about the filth?
TONY (puzzled) What?
PERCY The filth. The police.
TONY There’ll be a better class of police too.
PERCY That’ll be the day.
TONY The trick is not to hide. Change your colours. Be bold. Go where they would least expect to find you. I think we have been brought together for a reason. I don’t believe in coincidence. You saved my life. Now let me do something in return.
PARNASSUS confers with PERCY.
DOCTOR PARNASSUS Our time’s nearly up… This could be what we need.
TONY (to Valentina) This can be my birthday gift to Valentina.
VALENTINA smiles and nods to PARNASSUS.
DR. PARNASSUS Well then… (with a burst of energy) For God’s sake let’s do it!!!
PERCY (sighs) Yeah, okay, but what exactly do we do?
TONY Well… First of all, I want you to give me your money. All of it.
What?! PARNASSUS, PERCY, and VALENTINA look at each other.
Then PARNASSUS sees something beyond the wagon…ANTON, downcast, heading off through the swirling plastic bags and flying rubbish… a battered suitcase in his hand.
DR. PARNASSUS Anton! Where are you going?
No answer from ANTON.
VALENTINA runs after him but, he marches on silently.
VALENTINA What are you doing? Didn’t you do enough damage last night? (pummmelling his back) Anton… I’m the one who wants to run away! (he slows) Are you trying to wreck my birthday, or what?
Anton stops, still not looking at VALENTINA he slowly drops his suitcase.
VALENTINA (CONT’D) Please. We need you.
Moved, ANTON turns to her. She smiles sweetly.
VALENTINA (CONT’D) How much money have you got?
EXT BOND STREET EVENING
Close up on Parnassus’s glass plinth..now open-topped and sitting on the edge of the stage… full of the troupe’s savings. A sign proclaims “Please Take Generously”
Directly behind the glass box is a half-globe with the continent of Africa featured. Sitting on top is Percy playing something ethnic but tasteful on a flute with one hand…his other is held out pathetically… a beggar. He’s blacked up and dressed in rags. He doesn’t look happy. He sneaks nervous glances at the glass box of money.
The wagon, newly painted in sleek and stylish black and white, stands in Bond Street or some similarly fashionable street with expensive shops and art galleries. RICH WOMEN anxious to be conspicuous in their consumption of wealth glide past.
New signs proclaim `The Choice Is Yours’ `The Imaginarium – More Exclusive than ever’.
The stage, hung with soft,flowing, gauzy fabric, has been chromatically divided in half – one side black, the other white.
On the dark side a bloated, sun-glassed woman consuming vast quantities of food reclines on an elaborate lounge. She is, in fact, a very uncomfortable ANTON in full and fulsome drag.
Center stage stands DR. PARNASSUS dressed as a stylized doctor with head reflector. In his hand is a staff with an elaborate sun on the top. He is blindfolded.
On the white side of the stage stands the mirror and a stylized Tree of Knowledge with bright red apples. Under the tree, and reflected in the mirror, sits VALENTINA as Eve…naked except for a long wig that maintains her modesty. She gracefully combs her hair.
Above the mirror is a sign proclaiming “The Naked Truth”.
DR. PARNASSUS, peeking under his blindfold, is distinctly uncomfortable by his daughter’s lack of attire.
TONY, in a beautifully cut white suit, and wearing his `romantic’ Venetian carnival mask sits in profile in a dreamy pose on the edge of the white side of the stage.
Nobody speaks. They pay no attention to the crowd.
A few women stop, curious. One of them takes out some money and puts it in the glass plinth and turns to go.
TONY (retrieving the money) Excuse me, madam. I’m afraid we can’t accept this.
The woman stops, confused. Tony hands her back her money.
TONY (CONT’D) We are here to give…not take. We are here to help those in need. If it’s money you need, then here it is. (referring to the glass plinth) If it’s the flowering of the soul you need, then here we are but, unfortunately we are booked solid at the moment. But thank you.. I can see you have a generous spirit.
TONY returns to his pensive pose. The women look at each other.
WOMAN Excuse me but, how does this work? What does it cost?
TONY Cost? Money is no good in the Imaginarium. This is a refuge for hearts in need of truth. A place for souls to be purified.
WOMAN 2 How long does that take? I’m running late.
TONY Madam, why should you care about time? What are your dreams worth in minutes?
The women grow pensive.
TONY (CONT’D) There are hard choices to be made in life. (he indicates the tableaux) What about the dreams of the less fortunate in the world. Do you have time for their dreams? Or are you like I once was…do you just despair? Despair at all that is wrong in the world.. (getting to his feet) …despair at your inability to do anything to change it.. to make it better…I despaired so much at the powerlessness of my own existence that I took the easy way out…the coward’s way…I committed suicide! Yes, that’s right, I killed myself. Can you understand my despair? But I was saved…saved by a miracle…The Imaginarium…and Doctor Parnassus. He brought me back from the dead. He gave me a new life. A reason to live. He has given me power to dream again… to dream of a better world.
During his speech, more and more people have gathered. Some are actually weeping. They are press forward putting money in the plinth. Tony tries to stop them but, they insist. VALENTINA, ANTON, PERCY, and DR. PARNASSUS are astonished by TONY’S performance.
VOICES IN CROWD Stop pushing!/Excuse me, can one make a booking?/Are you taking bookings?/Stop pushing at the back!/Form a queue!
TONY Please, I’m sorry but, we’re booked solid at the moment.
A Louis Vuitton-dressed woman (60+ years old)at the back of the crowd shouts:
LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN Is that child up for adoption?
She points at the blacked up PERCY.
LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN (CONT’D) I want to adopt that unfortunate black child. It shouldn’t be working like this. It should be in school.
PERCY is appalled.
LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN (CONT’D) Who’s in charge here?
The LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN looks around as a couple of POLICE OFFICERS arrive on the scene.
TONY spots them too and heads off the LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN as she makes towards them.
TONY Madam, congratulations, you have been chosen.
The other WOMEN gasp.
LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN What?
TONY Come forward and enter the Imaginarium.
LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN But, I haven’t paid.
TONY We don’t want your money. We want your hopes and dreams. You may make a donation later, if you wish.
LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN But…
TONY This is a rare moment. Very few are chosen. Don’t miss this once-in-a- life-time opportunity. This way. Please.
He ushers the uneasy LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN onto the stage and guides her upstage. PARNASSUS goes into his trance.
TONY (CONT’D) Believe me Madam, you’re the luckiest woman in the world.
The LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN steps into the mirror. TONY hesitates..a moment of uncertainty. VALENTINA encourages him with a smile. He steps through.
Across the street a clock begins striking the hour.
and show on.
POLICEMAN Alright, I think it’s time to move on, folks.
But on spotting the naked VALENTINA who winks at them, they agree between themselves to give the show a bit longer.
INT/EXT IMAGINARIUM
TONY and THE LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN are astonished to find themselves in the romantic, soft-focus, pastel-colour setting of a soothing, sophisticated, shampoo commercial.
Soft fabrics waft, cleansing waterfalls cascade, rose-petals float through the air, beautiful girls swing from swings attached to clouds – all in delicious slow motion.
LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN (overcome) Oh… how gorgeous…
THE LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN takes TONY’S hand and looks at him meaningfully.
TONY, disorientated, takes a moment to regain his composure. He smiles and, with an effort, puts his arm around THE LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN’S wide waist. He looks into her eyes. She’s in love.
LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN (CONT’D) (moans softly) Ohhh… What bliss… and I don’t even know your name…
TONY Tony…
LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN Tony. How dashing.
A bar or two of tango encourages them to take a couple of intimate tango dance steps.
Now gently wafting curtains part to reveal.. down a flower strewn path and over a bridge… a sleazy motel with a shingle over the door reads: “The One Night Stand Motel”. In the office window sits MR. NICK
LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN (CONT’D) Oh, goodness me!
She bats her eyelashes at TONY and begins, knowingly, to pull him towards the motel.
TONY (resisting) If I’m not wrong, I fear you must go alone.
THE LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN pouts playfully, pulling him onwards.
LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN Why would I want to go without you darling?
TONY It’s one of the rules… One imagination at a time, free from the influence of another.
LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN (petulant) Boring.
They have reached the bridge. Stairs descend to a stream.
TONY Oh..look… another possibility..
Below them a gondola rests in the stream as small, flower bedecked barques float past with framed pictures of romantic heroes who died young; Keats, Shelly, Byron, James Dean, Rudolph Valentino, Marilyn Monroe, Buddy Holly, Princess Diana… the stream continues off into the distance to a dark, towering Egyptian pyramid.
TONY is as bemused as THE LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN.
TONY (CONT’D) You must make a choice…and… actually, to be honest, I’d strongly recommend this one.
LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN But… Rudolph Valentino, James Dean, Princess Di?… all these people… they’re dead.
TONY (thinking fast) Exactly. To be reborn, first you must die. All of them have achieved a kind of immortality. And we love them all the more for it. They won’t get old or fat. They won’t get sick or feeble. They are beyond fear. They are forever young. They are gods. And you can join them.
LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN (softening) You’re such a wonderful speaker.
The gondola awaits….with a beautiful male model at the helm. THE LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN smiles at him.
TONY There’s not a moment to lose.
But as she hesitates a dark shadow rises over them. TONY, looking past the WOMAN”S shoulder, sees the dark waters of the stream rise up transforming into a GIGANTIC KING COBRA that towers menacingly over them. It’s wearing a BOWLER HAT… and it’s angry.
TONY (CONT’D) But your sacrifice must be pure. You have to let go of all these worldly goods.
He helps THE LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN remove her necklace, earrings, bracelets, rings, broach, in double quick time and guides her onto the gondola, blowing a kiss after her.
TONY (CONT’D) Remember nothing is permanent… not even death.
He turns back to see the GIGANTIC KING COBRA shrinking back below the bridge, transforming itself back into the waters of the stream. From under the arch of the bridge hangs a rope. At its end.. a hangman’s noose.
TONY stares at it darkly disconcerted.
EXT. STAGE EVENING
TONY re-enters the stage through the mirror, looking at DR. PARNASSUS who has just come out of his trance with astonishment
TONY (gobsmacked) That was so… I had no idea… It’s just… incredible.
…And then he realizes the clock is still striking the hour realizing that only a few moments have passed since he entered the mirror.
TONY (CONT’D) ..how do you do this?
DOCTOR PARNASSUS (ignoring him and with a big theatrical gesture) Hooplah!
The LOUIS VUITTON woman reappears, sitting on a cut-out cloud descending from the ceiling of the stage. She looks radiant.
She is weeping, completely overcome by her experience. PARNASSUS steps forward and helps her to her feet. She kisses his hands in gratitude.
LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN Thank you, thank you, that was so beautiful, I feel so… thank you so much…
DOCTOR PARNASSUS (graciously) Thank YOU, dear Lady, you give me strength to continue
Born again, tearful but transcendent, the LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN produces her cheque book and begins to write a cheque.
TONY is frozen, confused. The crowd is still… stunned by the LOUIS VUITTON WOMAN’s transformation as she deposits the cheque, her handbag, her expensive coat in the glass box and glides benignly through the crowd… which parts in awe.
Pause… and then the other WOMEN rush the stage. Mayhem is narrowly averted as TONY and PERCY manage to coral them into a more-or-less orderly queue.
Across the street, standing in the doorway of a shop selling luxury goods, is MR NICK. He watches events, intrigued…
…as TONY escorts a second woman through the mirror, and a third, they descend, ecstatic, emptying the contents of their handbags, their pearls, earrings and diamond rings into the glass box.
TONY pays off the cops who move on.
TONY, getting more and more flamboyant, forgets to lower his mask each time he re-enters the stage. And now a fourth woman descends. Four successes for DOCTOR PARNASSUS.
DR. PARNASSUS (aside to Percy) One more to go and we’re free.
DOCTOR PARNASSUS spots MR NICK across the street, smiles, holds up four fingers.
MR NICK gives a little `I’m not impressed’ smirk and turns away and pretends to be interested in the luxury goods in the shop window as four large dark heavy RUSSIAN MEN, all laden with luxury shopping walk past.
One of the RUSSIANS stops..looking at the show..at TONY whose mask is sitting on top of his head. The leading RUSSIAN pulls him on.
VLADIMIR (IN RUSSIAN) SUBTITLED C’mon..What are you watching that crap for.
SERGE (IN RUSSIAN) (pointing at TONY) It’s him!
VLADIMIR (IN RUSSIAN) Who are you talking about? (following SERGE’s pointed finger) Impossible.
SERGE (IN RUSSIAN) I’m sure.
They start pushing through the crowd.
TONY, reaching down to help an elderly lady up to the stage, looks up and sees the RUSSIANS heading through the crowd..
Panic!! He pulls the mask down and begins to back up.
But it’s too late, they’ve definitely seen him.
He spins around and rockets upstage, past DR. PARNASSUS who is deep into his trance.
TONY dives through the mirror much to the amazement of
VALENTINA, ANTON, PERCY.
The RUSSIANS chase after him, shoving the queuing WOMEN aside, smashing the scenery and knocking ANTON into the wings.
INT/EXT SHAMPOO COMMERCIAL LANDSCAPE
The RUSSIANS charge through the shampoo-commercial landscape. No TONY.. Just slo-mo fashion models and soft wafting fabrics and aromatic breezes.
VLADIMIR (IN RUSSIAN) Where did he go?
PIOTR (IN RUSSIAN) You tell me… It can’t be him. He’s dead. We killed him.
SERGE (IN RUSSIAN) So why did he run?
GREGOR (IN RUSSIAN) There he is!!
In the distance, TONY is hiding behind some billowing fabric. On being spotted, he takes off up a hill.
The RUSSIANS race toward the hill only to crash into a solid wall – painted as a landscape with TONY frozen in mid stride. Looking off to their right they see Tony heading up another hill. But as they rush in that direction another wall rises up blocking them. Again it is painted with a hill and TONY frozen in midstride. A third and fourth wall rise up.. surrounding and trapping the RUSSIANS.
There is a cell door in one wall. Like crazy animals they start throwing themselves against the door trying to break it down. It won’t budge.
While the others batter the door, GREGOR, who has been somewhat affected by the soft shampoo commercial world, sits quietly in a corner picking pretty flowers.
Exhausted, the other RUSSIANS collapse on the ground.
GREGOR gently breathes in the aroma of the flowers and exhales. As he does the door swings open. The other RUSSIANS gape at him… then barrel out the door.
Outside is a new, beautiful, landscape – the sky dotted with white fluffy clouds. Extending from the ground to each cloud is an incredibly long ladder. On each ladder is a person climbing upwards.
The RUSSIANS spot Tony. He is already a hundred feet up a ladder and climbing.
Unfortunately, their way is blocked by an over-bright, hyper- active, wide-eyed sales girl.
SALES-GIRL Hi! Hello! Today’s special! Reach for the clouds! Discover your true potential! Gift certificates are available at…
The RUSSIANS roughly shove her aside. As they rush past, GREGOR pauses, hands her his flowers.
GREGOR Relax…smell the flowers.
Reaching the base of TONY’S ladder, the RUSSIANS start climbing.
Seeing the threat, TONY kicks hard and breaks the rungs below him.. setting off a domino effect with more rungs breaking downward towards the RUSSIANS. Snap! Crack! Rungs break in their grasp.. they fall.
The RUSSIANS land in a tangled heap as the domino effect continues down to the base of the ladder.
Laughing down at them, TONY turns to continue climbing – only to see the domino effect heading down from the top of the ladder… towards him.
THE LADDER COMPLETELY SEPARATES IN TWO.
Tony struggles to maintain his balance – and somehow manages to get his feet on the two halves of a broken rung. Then, as if he were on giant stilts, starts to stride away.
The RUSSIANS chase after him but, his giant strides leave them far behind. Smugly, TONY looks back just as one of the legs of his ladder snags on a fallen log. He loses his balance… and plunges hundreds of feet earthward.
From nowhere, ANTON (still dressed as a fat woman) appears.. running to catch the plummeting TONY. He does and Whomp!!.. is flattened. Knocked out cold. TONY is unscathed.. his fall broken by ANTON’S padding.
But, the RUSSIANS arrive, grab TONY, start to beat him up.
SERGE You thieving scumbag! We break every bone in your body!
They scrawl strange symbols on TONY’S forehead.
TONY No! Wait! I can explain! Give me a chance!
VLADIMIR We want our money or you die again! This time for good!
ANTON struggles to his feet.
ANTON Stop it! L-leave him alone!
The RUSSIANS turn and, thinking ANTON is a fat, bossy, middle- aged woman, hesitate.
ANTON (CONT’D) Stand b-back! I’m warning you!
Foolishly, he whips off his wig and assumes a manly martial arts pose. The RUSSIANS look at each other. Then, utterly ignoring ANTON, turn their attention back to beating TONY.
GREGOR walks calmly over to ANTON who is in attack mode.
GREGOR (bending down and picking a flower, he offers it to
ANTON) Relax. Smell the flowers.
Confused, ANTON takes the flower, sniffs and then… GREGOR floors him with a powerful punch on the nose
Meanwhile, the RUSSIANS have a noose around TONY’s neck and have looped the rope over a tree branch. TONY struggles to pull out the metal pipe he keeps on a string around his neck. He gets it to his mouth as if to swallow it when…
… the ground erupts and a giant London policeman’s helmet rises up (we are talking 20 feet tall)and revolves – revealing DR. PARNASSUS’ carved and painted face beneath.
The mouth drops open and a great red tongue rolls out like a welcoming red carpet. From inside the giant mouth a smiling policeman beckons the RUSSIANS to come on in..
The terrified RUSSIANS let go of the lynching rope.
TONY drops to the ground and, with a whistle, the brass pipe flies out of his mouth.
Behind the RUSSIANS a painted backdrop unfurls..it reads “JOIN THE FUZZ.. WE LOVE VIOLENCE”.. and a chorus line of LONG-LEGGED GIRLS in mini-skirted police outfits appear – high-kicking a snappy song and dance number.
The astonished RUSSIANS don’t know what the fuck is going on.
Suddenly, a friendly OLD WOMAN’S VOICE is heard shouting something in Russian.
Spinning around, the RUSSIANS see an old BABOUSHKA (Russian grandmother) outside a tumble-down cottage waving gaily to them. A stunned pause. Then, pell-mell, they rush to her.
RUSSIANS (IN RUSSIAN) Mama! Mama! Help! Save us!
As they run toward her they get smaller and smaller. She lifts her skirts and all four disappear underneath. And then.. BOOM!.. a muffled explosion balloons the skirts outward. Smoke spews out from below.
Straightening her skirt, the BABOUSHKA looks up, and pulls off her head – revealing MR.NICK’s tiny head poking out of the collar. He smiles smugly.
The giant POLICEMAN DR. PARNASSUS registers disappointment and, like a balloon rapidly deflating, spins off into the sky sending up a cloud of dust obscuring everything.
The dust clears and TONY and ANTON find themselves in a desolate, empty landscape. Nowhere. Nothing.
TONY Did you see me!! I almost reached the clouds! I could have…it was incredible…I was almost there…
ANTON Shut up!
Over a distant rise the wagon appears, pulled by the horses. ANTON drags Tony, babbling and stumbling, towards it.
TONY I made my choice and I climbed… I felt so much potential. I could have done anything. I have to have another chance…another go…I need this…
