The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
script used with courtesy of IMSDb
Written by
Terry McKeown & Charles Gilliam
May 26th, 2007
LONDON 2007.. NOW
EXT NIGHT URBAN TERRACE
A row of rundown terrace houses. Some are boarded up. Not all the street lights work. Those that do cast shadows of parked vehicles glistening in the rain.
A front door opens and DON appears with rubbish which he puts in a bin. He hears something and looks up to see four big horses pulling a hulking great wagon down the middle of the street. The wagon is a gigantic windowless box. The horses are harnessed and there are reins but no sign of a driver. It’s a very weird sight. DON, unable to take his eyes off this amazing apparition shouts back into the house from where light from a TV flickers.
DON Carol!… Carol!
CAROL (V.O.) What?
DON Come here! Quick!
CAROL (V.O.) What is it?
DON Quick!
CAROL (V.O.) (irritated) I’m trying to watch this! It’s the last episode!
DON (annoyed) Come here!!!
CAROL appears in the doorway.
CAROL What is it?
But the wagon and horses have gone.
DON It’s gone!
CAROL, disgusted, swats him on the head with the flat of her hand and goes back inside.
EXT/INT NIGHT PARKED CAR IN STREET
A YOUNG COUPLE are snogging in the back of a parked car. Music is playing on the radio.
They are interrupted by heavy vibrations and the terrifying sight of the huge looming horse-drawn box as it trundles past.
EXT NIGHT THE TOWN HALL CLOCK
The clock shows and strikes 2am.
EXT NIGHT A DINGY BACK STREET
The wagon has stopped. The back begins to open, top, bottom and sides, like a dark menacing flower unfolding its petals.
Shadowy FIGURES manoeuvre the side panels and begin to raise the roof.
While this is happening THE CAMERA tracks around to reveal a garishly lit club across the street.
A group of DRUNKEN YOUTHS emerge from the club, staggering, laughing, shouting, drinking, breaking bottles, and throwing up. The LADS grope the GIRLS. Everyone’s having “a great time”.
They see the wagon and stop, unsteadily, in their tracks.
MARTIN What the…!
We now see what they see. The wagon has been converted into a stage. We’re looking at an old fashioned and very shabby travelling theatre. Electric footlights are powered by a clanking generator. The pediment above the stage carries the words: THE ASTONISHING IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR PARNASSUS.
PERCY, a dwarf, dressed as a medieval demon and rigged out as a one-man band plays a fanfare introducing a young man (ANTON, 18-19 years old) who emerges from the back of the stage dressed as MERCURY, the messenger of the gods, with wings on his helmet and sandals.
ANTON/MERCURY Ladies and Gentlemen… Step up! Step up!… I, Mercury, the messenger of the gods, invite you… tonight, for one night only… at this very venue… to enter the mind, the very great mind, of Doctor Parnassus!
PERCY does a roll on the drum as a curtain behind ANTON/MERCURY rises to reveal DOCTOR PARNASSUS – he appears to be an Indian holy man – long scraggly beard, chalk white make up, a large red circle on his bald head, a crown of yellow flowers, strings of beads, and partially covered in a loose-fitting swath of white cloth – apparently levitating several feet above the stage. (He’s sitting on a glass plinth). DOCTOR PARNASSUS is seemingly in a trance. A bronze tripod containing burning incense stands beside him.
ANTON/MERCURY (CONT’D) Doctor Parnassus… as old as time… yes, ladies and gentlemen, more than a thousand years old … he has the power to empower your mind. A secret learned in the mystic East. Let Doctor Parnassus open your imagination. Let him guide and transport you to worlds and possibilities you never dreamt of… If you dare. But… Beware… there are dangers. You will have to choose. Will your soul fly?… Or will it be dashed on the rocks of darkness? The choice is yours and yours alone. Transcend the heights on Beauty’s wing.
A young woman, VALENTINA,(wearing a wig of long blonde hair and a white, flowing costume which gives her prominent hips and breasts) stands facing an elaborately framed full-length mirror nestled upstage amongst cut-out trees representing a forest… This is `Beauty’. She turns and steps forward.
ANTON takes her hand. They make a couple of dance steps together. They look enchanting and enchanted.
ANTON/MERCURY (CONT’D) (to the audience) Or, if you must…
Now PERCY, in demon costume, leaps from behind the scenery .
ANTON/MERCURY (CONT’D) … scour the squalid depths with Putrid’s brother, Stench!
PERCY indicates a ticket dispenser attached to the front of the stage.
PERCY Take a ticket and join the queue! Only five quid a go! There’s no greater bargain on planet earth!
A beer bottle lands on the stage
The DRUNKEN YOUTHS cheer.
ANTON/MERCURY You choose… Fulfilment, grace and light or… Waste, filth and darkness. (under his breath, watching the drunk, MARTIN, with contempt) No prizes for guessing what you’ll do.
MARTIN has begun, with difficulty, to clamber onto the stage.
His MATES laugh and shout encouragement.
ANTON (not in character.. he stutters) No. Sorry. That’s n-not allowed. You have to t-take a t-ticket first.
ANTON tries to prevent MARTIN from getting on stage. But MARTIN thumps ANTON and pulls him into the `audience’.
MARTIN’S drunken MATES laugh and applaud.
MARTIN is now on stage and heading for DOCTOR PARNASSUS who is still in a trance.
PERCY tries to head him off but MARTIN shoves PERCY off the stage. PERCY lands on the ground with a crash.
More laughter from the MOB.
MARTIN (drunkenly to PARNASSUS) Hey you…I wanna audition. I wan… I wanna be a star… I wanna…
MARTIN is on the verge of tweaking DOCTOR PARNASSUS’ nose or pulling his beard when VALENTINA diverts him.
VALENTINA Stop! Get off the stage!
MARTIN turns his bleary focus to VALENTINA.
MARTIN Thas a nice pair of jugs.
MARTIN’S mates roar their approval.
VALENTINA Get off the stage!
MARTIN No. I wan you… I wan you…
MARTIN lunges at `Beauty’ who retreats up stage.
MARTIN blunders into the scenery as he pursues `Beauty’ who stays just out of reach. She takes cover behind a cut-out tree.
ANTON and PERCY climb back onto the stage as MARTIN continues to chase `Beauty’. VALENTINA evades him by ducking through the mirror (made of flexible reflective material slit down the middle). MARTIN crashes after her.
ANTON and PERCY exchange worried looks. They look at DOCTOR PARNASSUS. Should they wake him from his trance? They decide not to but it’s a difficult decision.
INT/EXT MAGICAL FOREST
The stage set, which was clearly only a few feet deep, now seems much deeper and to contain many more cut-out trees.
`Beauty’ weaves in and out of the 2 dimensional trees as MARTIN chases her further into the increasingly magical forest. Beauty’s costume has been transformed into something wonderful. (A rainbow studded with diamonds?)
VALENTINA comes into view. MARTIN is in hot pursuit.
MARTIN Come here you little sexpot!
VALENTINA stops, turns, smiles sweetly and slams her fist hard into MARTIN’S gut. He doubles up. VALENTINA pauses for a moment, contemplating doing some serious damage, before striding off.
MARTIN staggers to his feet.
MARTIN (CONT’D) Come back! You bitch!
He rushes after her but, trips on a root (a real 3 dimensional tree root) and pitches face first to the ground. Recovering, he looks up. Shock. He is surrounded by a dark, terrible, and very REAL forest. `Beauty’ has vanished.
EXT THE STAGE NIGHT
VALENTINA, `Beauty’, slips back on stage through the mirror. Her costume has reverted to its original state. She examines her knuckles on the hand with which she punched Martin.
ANTON looks at her. She shrugs. DR. PARNASSUS is still in a trance, his lips moving soundlessly. ANTON watches DOCTOR PARNASSUS in awe. `Beauty’ sighs. She’s had enough.
INT/EXT MAGICAL FOREST
MARTIN is lost and terrified in the dark forest.
MARTIN Mum…Mum!…
His voice echoes through the giant trees. But his cries are interrupted by another sound…a Tarzan-like howl.
MARTIN spins around. Strange creatures are swinging on vines through the giant trees. They are all around him. They look like HANDS… with little heads and arms where the wrists should be. They are all howling and jabbering.
From behind, a HAND CREATURE swings down and grabs MARTIN by the collar, hoisting him high into the air.
Clearing the trees, MARTIN sees he is not alone. There are many other people – all in the clutches of HAND CREATURES swinging on “vines”.
But, the “vines” are actually long, slim tentacles… dangling from enormous, luridly coloured JELLYFISH that float through the dark, frightening, sky.
From some of the tentacles, bottles of booze dangle – just out of reach of the struggling crowd – all desperate for a drink.
MARTIN (CONT’D) Please… I’ll never…! Never again!. Honest!… From now on… I swear!.. Not a drop!
With a smile of satisfaction, the HAND CREATURE stops jabbering and let’s go of MARTIN’S collar.
Down he plummets. The ground rushes up. MATRTIN is as good as dead. But when he hits the ground, rather than going SPLAT!!, he bounces high in the air, turns a couple somersaults and lands on his feet.
He can’t believe what has just happened… and then he hears music. Beautiful, ethereal music.
In the distance a light is glowing. It’s the sun, rising above a majestic mountain pass. Cut into the rock, is a long stairway winding up to the summit.
The HAND CREATURE swings down, gives MARTIN the “thumbs up”, and points encouragingly toward the stairway.
Reformed and determined, MARTIN heads for the stairs. But on reaching them he discovers that each one is 6 feet high. The stairway is ridiculously steep and difficult. Letters are carved into the first stair…”THE 12X12 STEP PROGRAM…GOOD LUCK”. This is going to be tough.
The sound of a honky-tonk piano makes him turn. Behind him the sky is dark. A roadside bar/nightclub with flashing neon lights has appeared. He hesitates. He could use a drink before the long climb. He heads for the club.
The door to the club is opened by a mechanical fairground figure of a jolly smiling man (MR NICK) distinguished by a bowler hat and a red waistcoat.
MR NICK Hi there. C’mon in. Looks like you could use a drink.
MARTIN, relieved and reassured by the welcome, steps inside. The door closes followed by the sound from within of much gaiety and laughter.
THE CAMERA pulls back as the nightclub suddenly EXPLODES IN A
BALL OF FLAME.
EXT DINGY BACK STREET
The sound of police sirens. We are back outside in front of the theatre.
DR. PARNASSUS rises unsteadily, coming out of his arduous trance…. `Beauty” moves to support him as, exhausted, he loses his balance and snaps out of his trance.
DOCTOR PARNASSUS (holding his head) Valentina…
VALENTINA (indignant) He was chasing me.
DOCTOR PARNASSUS (angry) You don’t go through the mirror.
VALENTINA I had to get away.
DOCTOR PARNASSUS You hit him.
VALENTINA Self defence.
DOCTOR PARNASSUS You’re out of control. Ever since your mother died…
VALENTINA When I was three!
DOCTOR PARNASSUS I don’t want to talk about it!
VALENTINA (indignant) You brought it up!
DOCTOR PARNASSUS turns on ANTON.
DOCTOR PARNASSUS We don’t accept drunks!
ANTON We c-couldn’t stop him.
DOCTOR PARNASSUS People must be in their right minds when they make the choice.
ANTON I know. I’m s-sorry.
DRUNKEN GIRL (V.O.) Martin!…
The POLICE are dealing with a drunken mob of nightclub REVELLERS, making arrests.
A distraught, hysterical, DRUNKEN GIRL is looking for MARTIN.
DRUNKEN GIRL (CONT’D) Martin!… Martin!…
She sees `Beauty’.
DRUNKEN GIRL (CONT’D) He went with that cow! I’ll scratch her eyes out!
A POLICEWOMAN grabs the DRUNKEN GIRL and drags her, struggling, into police van.
MARTIN’S FRIENDS are searching for him around the stage.
FRIEND OF MARTIN Marty!? Marty, where are you? (a POLICEMAN grabs him)) Oi! Leave off..it’s them..they’ve got our mate back there.
POLICEMAN (to PARNASSUS) You! Gunga Din! What do you think you’re playing at!?
DR. PARNASSUS `Playing’? We don’t `play’! What we do is deadly serious!
DR. PARNASSUS pushes aside the mirror to reveal a door in the back wall of the shallow stage. It is swinging open.
DOCTOR PARNASSUS Gone. Will we miss him? I don’t think so.
The POLICEMAN looks and frowns.
DOCTOR PARNASSUS (CONT’D) (to the POLICEMAN condescendingly) Don’t worry if you don’t understand it immediately.
PERCY, wisely, decides to head off conflict. He steers DOCTOR PARNASSUS away from the POLICEMAN.
PERCY (to POLICEMAN) He’s doing his bit to save the human race. He thinks it’s got a future. Quaint, eh? I keep telling him to get a proper job. (shaking his empty collection cup) Check it out.. another night with nothing in the kitty.
POLICEMAN I want you freaks out of here. Now. If I ever see you in this parish again I’ll do you.
DOCTOR PARNASSUS bows exaggeratedly, with a hint of mockery.
The POLICE OFFICER suspects that DOCTOR PARNASSUS is taking the piss, but decides not to press it. Instead, he knees MARTIN’S struggling friend to the ground.
EXT BACK STREETS DAWN
The sky is grey with the first light of dawn. The wagon rolls off down the dark street as a dustcart rumbles into view and its CREW begin emptying bins and picking up rubbish.
EXT A HOLIDAY FAIR NIGHT
Shooting galleries. Music. Loud aggressive rides. PEOPLE milling around.
The wagon is parked at the edge of the fair. The stage is set. ANTON dressed as Mercury is trying to attract an audience, without much success.
ANTON Step up! Step up! For one night only! The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus! Not to be missed!
On stage is DOCTOR PARNASSUS, `levitating’ and in a trance, as before. Incense smoke swirls around him.
ANTON (CONT’D) Test your imagination! Envisage the sublime. Let Doctor Parnassus be your guide. Discover the heights of Wisdom…
VALENTINA dances forward, looking fabulous as `Wisdom’.
ANTON (CONT’D) … Or, if you will, visit the doldrums with all that’s vile and stinks.
PERCY steps forward, once again in his mediaeval demon costume.
PERCY (indicating ticket machine) Take a ticket and wait your turn. Twenty quid a go, reduced to five for one night only!
ANTON The world is full of wonders, beauty, enchantment, for those with eyes to see…
He magically produces a bouquet of flowers. Throws it into the air.. it transforms into beautiful doves.
This impressive trick is totally ignored by a group loudly arguing just in front of the stage – THE FAMILY FROM HELL.
LINDA (aged 7) Mum… Mum… I want to go on the wall of death?
MUM Stop going on, Linda! You’re not old enough!
DAD They won’t let you, darling.
LINDA But I want to!!! I want to!!!
DR. PARNASSUS stirs from his trance. He’s had enough of this.
DR. PARNASSUS Excuse me! Excuse me! Would you mind…
LINDA It’s not fair.
UNCLE BOB It’s the fair, but it’s not fair!
UNCLE BOB laughs uproariously. LINDA pushes him into AUNTY
FLO.
AUNTY FLO Ow! Bloody hell!
Diego – aged 9 and absorbed in his portable video game wanders away from the family.
DAD Leave her alone!
DR. PARNASSUS Please! This is The Imaginarium! It requires respect, concentration… Kindly go elsewhere and take your detritus with you?
MUM Is he insulting us?
DAD (to the DR. PARNASSUS, threateningly) Oy!
PARNASSUS ignores him and resumes his trance.
Unnoticed by all, DIEGO has somehow managed to climb onto the stage and is peering at the mirror.
MUM (looking around) Diego!? Where’s Diego?
VALENTINA turns her head just in time to see DIEGO vanish through the mirror.
She starts to go after him, then hesitates.
VALENTINA (trying to get ANTON’S attention) Pssst!
ANTON looks across the stage to her. She mimes that a certain someone has gone into the mirror. ANTON considers waking DOCTOR PARNASSUS but thinks better of it. Instead he heads off upstage and through the mirror in pursuit of Diego. VALENTINA takes over the pitch.
VALENTINA (CONT’D) Ladies and Gentlemen, let Dr. Parnassus be your guide…
INT/EXT MAGICAL LANDSCAPE
ANTON moves through the cut -out trees and into a fantastic, brightly coloured landscape of Dr. Seuss-like hills and valleys. The sky if full of cloud-sized soap bubbles.
Diego is in the distant using his game controller to make the bubbles bang into each other…trying to burst them.
We can hear VALENTINA trying to continue the pitch in the face of the family from hell. Their baby has now started wailing.
Cracks in the ground begin to appear under ANTON”S feet.
VALENTINA (V.O.) Beauty, Truth, Wisdom, Justice… without imagination all are dead.
The landscape, in response to DR. PARNASSUS’ rage suddenly rips apart, fragmenting and spinning with ANTON inside it.
DR. PARNASSUS (V.O.) (CONT’D) (enraged)
Things fly in all directions.
INT/EXT MAGICAL LANDSCAPE
ANTON, recovering, struggles out from between giant blocks of stone. The world has gone dark.
He hears DIEGO crying somewhere in the distance and starts to clamber over the shattered monoliths..
Reaching the top, ANTON sees DIEGO on the peak of a distant rocky pinnacle surrounded by bottomless chasms. There are what appear to be two suspension bridges spanning the void on either side of the pinnacle.
lost inside a video game he can’t control? He presses the buttons on his gaming device – to no avail.
One of the bridges leads to a bluff where war games are under way… all very video-game-like. Thrilling aggressive music blares forth.
MR NICK appears, still in red waist-coat and bowler hat, but this time in the form of a CUT-OUT shooting target with a bull’s-eye on his chest.
MR NICK Come on laddy, cross the bridge! Join up! Be a man. Kill the enemy. Impress your dad. Unlimited ammo. Great fun. Pow! Pow! Pow!
As he speaks bullets fly. Each time MR.NICK gets shot and is knocked flat, he pops back up continuing his spiel.
The other bridge appears to be made of black and white piano keys and looks very rickety and unsafe. The piano key bridge descends into a great cavern where hundreds of BOY AND GIRL PIANISTS are practising on hundreds of pianos, all playing the same tune – the tune DR. PARNASSUS is humming, but with stern, demanding, PIANO TEACHERS in attendance.
PIANO TEACHERS No, no, start again! Again! From the top! Again! Practice! Practice!
DIEGO doesn’t know what to do.
Behind him rises a strange Mongolfier balloon. DR. PARNASSUS’s face is repeated again and again around its circumference. ANTON’S in the basket.
DIEGO catches sight of ANTON.
DIEGO Help! (indicating gaming device) It doesn’t work! It’s broken!
ANTON What?
DIEGO The game!
ANTON What g-g-game?
DIEGO The game! The video game! The one we’re in!
ANTON I d-d-don’t know what you’re t-t- talking about.
DIEGO Help me!
ANTON (miserable ) I c-can’t.
DIEGO What?
ANTON I’m n-not supposed to be here.
DIEGO What am I going to do?
ANTON That’s the p-point. It’s up to you.
DIEGO (dismayed) But… Don’t leave me! Don’t let me die!
But ANTON has gone.
DIEGO, terrified, tests the bridge to the war games.
MR NICK Attaboy, sonny. Join the men. Nothing to it. Hup two, hup two…
He hesitates…the music from the pianos seems to have an effect on him. He comes to a decision. He drops his gaming device then very hesitantly steps onto the extremely wobbly piano keys.
The CUT-OUT shooting target MR NICK isn’t happy.
MR NICK (CONT’D) No, wait! That’s the wrong choice! That bridge leads to failure and despair. You’ll be dead before you’re thirty. This is the one. This is the bridge to manhood!
DIEGO looks uncertain, unnerved. For a moment we think he might change his mind, but he presses bravely on across the piano bridge.
EXT A HOLIDAY FAIR NIGHT
At last, finally, there’s a bit of a crowd around the theatre, but drawn only by the FAMILY FROM HELL who are making a lot of noise.
MUM (hysterical) He’s been kidnapped! They’ve taken him! It’s that weirdo up there! Do something, Dad, do something!
LINDA I want my brother! I want my little brother!
On stage DR. PARNASSUS, continues to hum in his trance-like state. INSPECTOR OF FAIRS rattles on.
INSPECTOR You cannot perform here without appropriate authorization.
Getting no response from DR. PARNASSUS he pulls out his mobile phone and dials.
INSPECTOR (CONT’D) (with phone to ear) It’s me. I need some support. We’ve got trouble.
ANTON steps out of the mirror. He produces an inflated balloon which he releases and which then flies, zig-zagging out over the audience.
DR. PARNASSUS, wakes in time to see the balloon.
DR. PARNASSUS (delighted with Anton’s `message’) Ha,ha! Success! One little devil out of the fire… makes it all worthwhile!
He magically produces a Tarot Card from the startled INSPECTOR’S ear.
INSPECTOR Where did you say you’re from?
DR. PARNASSUS I didn’t.
He lifts his arm with a flourish whereupon a gloriously painted canvas sky unrolls from the top of the set disgorging DIEGO as it reaches the stage.
DR. PARNASSUS (CONT’D) Hooplah!
DIEGO rolls out, tumbles across the stage and lands next to the rest of his FAMILY. He’s beaming, laughing, full of wonder, transformed by his experience.
MUM Diego! Where have you been? I’ve been worried sick!
DOCTOR PARNASSUS (descending from his glass plinth) And so… a glimmer of hope… Perhaps eternity has not been in vain!…
DAD smacks DIEGO round the back of the head.
DAD And you can wipe that silly expression off your face, you little poof.
LINDA (gleefully) You’re in big trouble! You’re in big trouble!
UNCLE BOB You’ve upset your mum.
AUNTY FLO He’s spoilt our evening.
DAD And where’s your gamer? He’s lost his bloody gamer! Another fifty quid down the drain. You’re not getting another one! Bloody kids! Why do we bother?
THE FAMILY FROM HELL moves off.
DIEGO, full of wonder and oblivious to his family, looks back at PARNASSUS and gives the old man the thumbs-up.
PARNASSUS smiles and raises his thumb in response.
The INSPECTOR OF FAIRS is joined by a POLICEMAN and
POLICEWOMAN.
POLICEMAN What’s the trouble?
DR. PARNASSUS Ah, the fuzz.
POLICEMAN What did you say?
DR. PARNASSUS (charmingly) Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t fuzzy wuzzy?
The POLICE and the INSPECTOR exchange dark looks. Clearly they’re dealing with a dangerous trouble-maker.
INSPECTOR (to Parnassus) Next time I find you doing business without a permit I’ll impound your wagon.
POLICEMAN (to Parnassus) I’ll be doing worse than that…now, bugger off!
DR. PARNASSUS With pleasure.
He bows mock graciously.
INT BACK STAGE DRESSING ROOM A MOMENT LATER
Valentina, half-undressed, is struggling out of her `Wisdom’ costume while at the same time looking at pictures of beautiful homes and gardens in a very battered copy of `Homes and Gardens’. Without make-up and costume she appears much younger.
A movement of something reflected in the dressing-room mirror catches her eye.
In the mirror we see MR NICK, not a CUT-OUT, but the real thing.
VALENTINA (startled, guiltily hiding `Homes and Gardens’) Oh!
She turns, holding her dress to cover her modesty. There’s nobody there.
VALENTINA (CONT’D) Who’s that? Who’s there?
EXT EDGE OF FAIR / THE WAGON CONTINUOUS
ANTON and PERCY are packing-up and closing the wagon.
DR. PARNASSUS, out of his make-up and costume, is smiling and humming to himself as he removes the feed bag from one of the horses.
The horse lifts its head and DR PARNASSUS recoils in shock and horror. Standing directly behind the horse is MR. NICK… a huge grin splitting his face.
MR NICK Hello Parnassus… It’s been a while hasn’t it?
PERCY, winding a rope onto a cleat, hears distant laughter and looks up.
a relatively secluded spot, MR NICK rocking with laughter while DOCTOR PARNASSUS looks stricken. He clutches at the back of a park bench to steady himself.
to help DOCTOR PARNASSUS as the latter slumps onto the bench. MR NICK has vanished.
DOCTOR PARNASSUS (distraught) He’s come to collect.
PERCY I thought so.
DR. PARNASSUS What can I do?…
PERCY (grimly) Nothing.
DOCTOR PARNASSUS There must be something!
He looks over to where VALENTINA is helping close the theatre. PERCY follows his gaze.
PERCY You’re going to have to tell her.
EXT CITY STREETS LATER
The wagon makes its way through city streets.
PERCY is sitting on the roof driving. ANTON is lying on the roof looking up at the stars. VALENTINA is sitting next to him lost in thought.
ANTON Look at that moon. (no response from Valentina) I’ve n-never seen it so b-big. And the stars…It’s so c-clear.
PERCY holds his hand out, palm up.
PERCY (sardonically) Rain.
ANTON (sotto voce) Valentina?
VALENTINA (irritated) Val… Val.
ANTON I c-c-can’t call you Val, P- Parnassus d-doesn’t like it.
VALENTINA He’s not here is he? He’s inside getting pissed.
ANTON Are you happy?
VALENTINA (ironic) Ecstatic.
ANTON produces an old beaten-up copy of `Beautiful Homes’ and starts thumbing through it.
VALENTINA (CONT’D) Hey! That’s mine!
She tries to snatch it from him. He flutters it out of her reach.
VALENTINA (CONT’D) Give it me!
She wrests it from him and hides it just as PERCY looks back at them.
ANTON (sotto voce) Would you really be happy in one of those p-places?… N-not me. Well… m-maybe….with you. (suddenly urgent) Let’s run away. Make a new life together. I’ll retrain. Computers. Stocks and bonds. We could be happy. Just the two of us.
VALENTINA (sotto voce) Anton?
ANTON What?
VALENTINA Shut up.
ANTON Why d-do you always have to p- pretend to be so b-brutal?
VALENTINA I’m not pretending. (coquettishly) Anyway… I’m under age.
ANTON (exasperated) Valentina.
VALENTINA (knowingly, teasing) I shall be twelve on Wednesday.
ANTON Don’t be ridiculous.
VALENTINA Percy? How old will I be on Wednesday?
PERCY Twelve.
VALENTINA See? Parnassus says so too. Are you saying he’s ridiculous?
ANTON No…
VALENTINA (teasing) Yes you are. I’ll tell him.
ANTON He knows I worship him….
VALENTINA He takes advantage.
ANTON I don’t mind. He’s extraordinary… Like you.
VALENTINA Puhlease.
ANTON You are.
VALENTINA Parnassus is a pain. Okay he’s extraordinary but I’m not. I don’t want to be like him. I want to be like other people. Like them. (gesturing to the passing city) You know… normal. Ordinary. You’re so lucky.
ANTON isn’t sure how to take this.
VALENTINA (CONT’D) (half apologetically) You know what I mean.
She gets up, kisses ANTON on the top of his head and climbs down into the hatch.
Anton looks thoughtful, bruised.
PERCY glances back.
VALENTINA (CONT’D) (popping her head back up) Actually, I’m going to be sixteen. Shall I tell Parnassus I know? I think he knows I know. Silly man. Sweet sixteen.
She disappears down the hatch, then quickly pops back up.
VALENTINA (CONT’D) (mischievously) The age of consent.
INT DOCTOR PARNASSUS’ DEN THAT MOMENT
DOCTOR PARNASSUS’ cabin is tiny. It’s packed with books and memorabilia; Egyptian/Assyrian/Greek/etc., magic trick paraphernalia, and much else.
A hanging lantern suspended from the ceiling throws moving shadows.
DR. PARNASSUS is slumped despondently on a cramped bed. A plate of untouched food sits on a table in front of him.
He has laid out tarot cards. To the right – The Magus.. to the left – The Devil. The next card is The Maiden. He places it carefully beneath The Magus.
He picks up an open bottle of spirits and takes a swig. Clearly he’s already had a few drinks.
VALENTINA O/S (cross with him) You haven’t eaten anything.
DOCTOR PARNASSUS (startled) Valentina…
She comes in.
VALENTINA I go to all this trouble and you leave it.
DR. PARNASSUS I’m not hungry.
VALENTINA Are you ill?
DR. PARNASSUS (anguished) Valentina… my miraculous child.. I have something to tell you.
VALENTINA Now what?
She starts tidying up.
DR. PARNASSUS (avoiding the question) I should never have brought you into this rotten bloody world!
VALENTINA (she’s heard this before) Oh for God’s sake!
DR. PARNASSUS What was I thinking of!
VALENTINA Percy liked the soup.
DR. PARNASSUS (agitated) Why does everybody want to live forever?
VALENTINA That’s normal isn’t it?
DR. PARNASSUS Immortality’s a curse! Any fool can tell you that!
Valentina picks up Parnassus’ nearly empty bottle.
VALENTINA You know it doesn’t agree with you.
DR. PARNASSUS (in difficulty) Valentina…
VALENTINA (losing patience) And I’ll be sixteen on Thursday, so let’s not have any more tosh about that.
DR. PARNASSUS Listen to me!
VALENTINA You think you’re so clever and that everybody else is an idiot! You can’t stop me growing up just by lying about my birthday! It’s ridiculous!
DR. PARNASSUS Shut up! Shut up and listen to me! Listen to me! I need to tell you something, before it’s too late!
DR PARNASSUS reaches up and plucks a glass paperweight out of the air. It’s that kind that contains little models which are engulfed in a snow storm when the paperweight is shaken.
DR. PARNASSUS shakes the paper-weight and watches the `snow’ swirl about.
DR. PARNASSUS (CONT’D) One dark winter’s night… Many years ago…?
VALENTINA Is this going to take long?
THE CAMERA closes in on and `enters’ the paperweight.
DR. PARNASSUS (V.O.) (CONT’D) Many centuries ago, as a matter of fact…
EXT INSIDE THE PAPERWEIGHT NIGHT
A HOODED RIDER moves slowly through the snowstorm, the horse picking its way carefully across a field of virgin snow.
DR. PARNASSUS (V.O.) … I was visited… by someone I had hoped never to meet.
In the distance, rising like a dark mountain, is a strange monastery. Dim light comes from a couple of windows.
We can hear, from far away, the indistinct droning voice of the story teller, a younger DR. PARNASSUS.
THE CAMERA moves up over and way ahead of the HOODED RIDER, continuing through the snowstorm, over fields, forests, valleys, rocks, until it reaches the monastery, high on a rugged hill. Here it enters one of the dimly lit monastery windows, taking us into a dining hall.
