Finding Neverland
Transcript written by and used with the courtesey of Angela Sugden
Voices Lights up. 5 minute call please. Places. Everyone to their places.
Charles Opening nights? I love opening nights. How are you?
Man 1 Good to see you.
Man 2 Good evening, Charles, this is my wife.
Charles Oh, Lydia, Herbert, may I give you a peck?
Man 3 One of Mr Barrie’s finest?
Charles Oh, that genius Gusmann has done it again, it’s the best thing I’ve produced in 25 years.
Man 3 Really?
Charles I already have investors interested back home in New York.
Man 3 See you on Broadway.
Voice 1st position, people. Standing by please, ladies and gentlemen, if you could take your opening positions please. Beginners please take your opening positions. Audience are coming in, standing by.
Usher Good audience.
James Sorry?
Usher Good audience, tonight.
James That’s great. Thank you. How much longer?
Usher 10 minutes.
Charles I love opening nights. I want a dance with your wife at the after party. Oh, my goodness.
John Good evening, sir.
Charles How are you, John?
John Very well.
Charles It’s the best thing that I’ve produced in 25 years. Hello, George, how are you?
Man Healthy and wealthy I see.
Charles You’ve rearranged a holiday for me. I won’t forget.
Man For you, Charles.
Charles You won’t regret it.
Man I’m sure.
Mrs Snow Have you got the tickets?
Mr Snow Yes, they’re in my pocket.
Mrs Snow Oh, there’s Mrs Barrie.
Mary Barrie Mr & Mrs Snow.
Mrs Snow We were so hoping to speak with your husband before the show.
Mr Snow Have you seen him?
Mary I’m not sure where he is actually.
Mrs Snow We do miss seeing you on stage, you were so wonderful.
Mary Yes? Well it’s been some time now. Are you all right to find your seat?
Mrs Snow Oh yes, yes. See you at the party then.
Mary Excuse me. Would you find Mr Barrie and remind him that they’re doing his play this evening.
Usher Yes, Madam.
Mary Thank you.
Charles Let’s close the doors.
Actor 1 Really, I mustn’t inconvenience you in this way. I can wait quite well in the shop.
Actor 2 ‘Tis no inconvenience, the shop is chilly.
Actor 1 And there is a fire here. Really, uncommonly good.
Usher Sorry, sir, um, Mrs Barrie wanted me to remind you that the play’s begun, though I imagine you know that.
James They hate it.
Usher Sir?
James It’s like a dentist’s office out there, why?
Usher I wouldn’t say they hate it, sir.
James What do you think? Do you like it?
Usher I’ve just been hiding, sir.
James Yes or no, I’m not bothered.
Usher I’m not really qualified to. . .
James Do you like it? Is it crap?
Usher Crap, sir?
James Go on, say it, just say it. Its shite isn’t it? Go on, say it.
Usher I don’t know if I’m. . .
James It’s bulls’ pizzle, Mr Barrie, go on, say it.
Usher It’s bulls’ pizzle, Mr Barrie.
James I knew it.
Usher No, I haven’t even seen it.
James I knew it. Thank you. Thank you very much.
Man 1 Absolute rubbish from start to finish.
Man 2 Yes, I found it fearfully dull.
Man 3 You can say goodbye to your investment, old boy.
Charles Good to see you, my apologies.
James We’ll get them with the next one, Charles, I promise.
Charles Of course we will, James.
James I know you put a lot into this one.
Charles A fortune James, but I’m fortunate because I can afford to lose a fortune.
James Can you?
Charles No, I can’t. How are you?
James Arthur
Arthur James. You were sorely missed at the last club meeting.
James Was I?
Arthur We were beginning to wonder which is your hobby, writing or cricket.
James You don’t say.
Mary You wanted to speak with Mr Barrie didn’t you?
Mrs Snow Well yes, but we shouldn’t interrupt them, should we?
Mary I don’t see why not.
Arthur If you ask me, the problem lies in our batting order.
James You’re absolutely right.
Mary James.
James Hello, darling.
Mary You remember Mr & Mrs Snow, don’t you?
James Mrs Snow.
Mrs Snow Mr Barrie.
James Mr Snow.
Mary So, the Snows have been waiting to meet with you all evening.
Mrs Snow Oh, yes.
James Is that right?
Mrs Snow Your play this evening. . .it was remarkable, wasn’t it?
James Was it? Thank you, that’s very kind of you. I’m glad you liked it.
Mr Snow How did you feel it went?
James I think I can do better.
Mr Snow Really?
James Mary, hello.
Mary Yes, James?
James I’m headed off to the park if you’d like to join me. It’s a beautiful morning.
Mary You’ll be working, won’t you?
James Perhaps, yes.
Mary I’ll let you to your work then.
Emma Morning, Mr Barrie.
James Morning, Emma.
Emma Have a good day, sir.
James And you. That’s it, go on boy. That’s right. Good boy. Grab it.
Sylvia Who do you belong to?
Michael Excuse me, sir, you’re standing on my sleeve.
James Am I? So sorry. I might point out you’re lying under my bench.
Michael I have to I’m afraid. I’ve been put in the dungeon by the evil Prince George. I’m sorry if it bothers you.
James Well if you’re trapped in the dungeon there isn’t much to be done, now is there? Perhaps I could slide a key to you through the bars?
Michael I wouldn’t risk it, sir. The evil Prince George has tortured many men.
George I’m sorry, is he bothering you, sir? My brother can be an amazingly irritating sort of person.
James Ah ha, Prince George I gather? I understand you are the horrible tyrant who imprisoned this unfortunate wretch.
George Not horrible really, but a firm ruler yes, kind and tolerant.
James And what precisely has, er. . . What did you say your name was?
Michael Michael.
James What precisely is Michael’s crime?
George He’s my younger brother.
James Ah! Fair enough. Sorry, lad, cannot free you.
Michael That’s all right.
Jack Do you mind us playing with your dog?
James No, go on.
George This is Jack, second in line to the throne, and that one’s Michael, he’s only five.
Michael And I’m in prison for it.
Sylvia I’m so sorry. Are my boys bothering you?
Michael We’re not bothering him, Mum.
James No.
Sylvia Michael, darling, come out from under there.
Michael I can’t, I’m in prison.
Sylvia Oh, I see.
James J M Barrie, pleased to meet you.
Sylvia J M Barrie the author? What a pleasure, Sylvia Llewellyn-Davies.
Jack Are you a writer?
James I am.
Sylvia He’s a playwright, Jack, quite a famous one at that. I apologise, I imagine you are writing.
James No, not at all.
Sylvia Where’s Peter?
George What have you written, Mr Barrie?
James Well, currently, I make my living entertaining Princes and their courts with my trained bear, Porthos. If you command your brother Peter to join us, I am willing, Prince George, to give you just such a performance in exchange for the freedom of this prisoner of course.
George Very well.
James Very well. Now, I want you to pay particular attention to the teeth. Some unscrupulous trainers will show you a bear whose teeth have all been pulled, while other cowards will force the brute into a muzzle. Only a true master would attempt these tricks without either measure of safety.
Peter What did you bring me over here for?
Sylvia Peter.
Peter Because this is absurd, it’s just a dog.
Sylvia Come on, darling.
James Just a dog?! Porthos, don’t listen to him. Porthos dreams of being a bear, and you want to dash those dreams by saying ‘he’s just a dog’. Tut tut. What a horrible candle-snuffing word. That’s like saying ‘he can’t climb that mountain, he’s just a man.’ Or ‘that’s not a diamond, it’s just a rock.’ Just!
Peter Fine then, turn him into a bear, if you can.
Sylvia Peter, where are your manners.
James With those eyes, my bonnie lad, I’m afraid you’d never see it. However, with just a wee bit of imagination – I can turn around right now, and see, the Great Bear, Porthos. Dance with me.
Sylvia Thank you, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a performance quite. . . quite like it.
James We’re here every day, and the bear is always more than happy to perform.
Sylvia Perhaps we will see you tomorrow then.
James Perhaps.
Sylvia Peter, jump up, darling, quick.
George Bye.
Jack Bye.
Michael Bye.
James Bye.
Sylvia Peter, didn’t you enjoy that?
Peter I’ve seen better.
James Well, Michael wanted the bear kept prisoner with him, and Peter insisted that Michael was hardly prisoner and Porthos simply wasn’t a bear at all. I do very much hope to see them tomorrow.
Mary What’s her name?
James Sylvia, erm, Mrs Something-Davies.
Mary Llewllyn Davies?
James You know her?
Mary I know who she is of course. Why she’s of DuMaurier family see. Her father was the artist, her brother’s the actor. And there’s something. . . tragic that happened with her husband. Oh, yes, he died, cancer of the jaw I believe.
James That’s horrible.
Mary Yes, apparently he left her with four boys and no income to speak of. Why, if it wasn’t for her mother’s help. . . James, we should have them to dinner.
James Should we?
Mary Absolutely, I’ve always wanted to meet Madam DuMaurier, why, she know practically everyone there is worth knowing.
Peter What are you writing about?
James Oh, nothing of any great consequence.
Peter I can’t write.
James Have you ever kept a journal? Ever tried your hand at writing a play? Well then, how do you know?
Peter I know, that’s all.
James I see. Where’s your mother today and the rest of the boys?
Peter Home. Mother’s got a bit of a chest cold. I’m sure everyone would be happy to see you though, one afternoon. I should leave you to your writing.
James Peter. I’ll see you later then. Why didn’t you tell me, Charles? You knew it wasn’t any good.
Charles Why didn’t you tell me, James? You knew it wasn’t any good. Huh? I took an extended lease on the theatre, keeping the actors on.
James I don’t have another play.
Charles You will, won’t you?
James We’ll see.
Man Need you to sign for the storage, Mr Frohman.
James It was never meant to be taken seriously.
Charles You know what happened, James. They changed it.
James Who changed what?
Charles The critics, they made it important. Huh. What’s it called? What’s it called?
James Play.
Charles Play.
Boys Bang, bang, bang, etc
Jack Return the boy to us you nasty Indian.
James Our people teach boy Indian ways, make him great warrior, our chief ‘Running Nose’ never let him go.
Boys Bang, bang, bang, etc
James Me wounded, Peter. Time’s short. You go, spread wings and soar like eagle above enemy. Fly back to our chief, tell him of my brave defeat.
Peter That’s crazy, Indian’s can’t fly.
James ‘Course they can, go on, go on, go on.
Jack Listen to us boy, this Indian kidnapped you.
James Not true! Me kidnap no-one. You ‘lost boy’. I teach you ways of the brave. I take you as my own son.
Peter You are not my father.
Boys Bang, bang, bang, etc
Jack I’ve got him.
Peter Let me go!
George Stop it you two.
Jack Ooh, we are awful, aren’t we?
Peter I’m warning you.
Jack Ooh, I’m scared. Wants to have a bit of fun for a change.
George Stop it you two.
Sylvia Jack! Peter.
James I’m terribly sorry.
Sylvia Oh, it wasn’t your fault.
James Afraid it might have been.
Sylvia To be honest, I’m just happy you got him to join in the game.
James Oh yes, I was a tremendous success.
Sylvia Mr Barrie, it’s more than I’ve been able to achieve. Peter’s a different boy since his father died. I don’t think he’s even had a good cry about it.
James Well, grief affects us all in different ways, doesn’t it?
Sylvia Yes it does.
James Oh, by the way, my wife would like to invite you and the boys over to dinner, erm, your mother as well.
Sylvia Oh, how kind, that would be lovely.
Mary Well, don’t you all look lovely in your little suits? And Mrs DuMaurier, what a shame it is that we’ve not met until this evening.
Mrs Du Maurier How kind of you to say so.
Mary Not at all. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been to a charity, or a. . . social event, and seen your name listed among the Stagehands. It’s the very thing I would love to do myself, if I could just find the time.
Mrs Du Maurier My problem is in finding the time to do everything else. At the moment I’m running two households. Sylvia believes she can get by without a housekeeper.
Sylvia Mother!
Mrs Du Maurier My house is quite large enough for us all, but the idea of living with me seems. . .
Sylvia Not now please mother.
George We help her keep the house in order.
Mrs Du Maurier Don’t interrupt, George. Where did you get your manners?
George Sorry, Grandmother.
Sylvia Well. . .
Mrs Du Maurier Mr Barrie, I understand you’ve become playmates with my grandchildren.
James Oh, they indulge me really.
Sylvia On the contrary. The other day we took to an exploration of Darkest Africa in our garden. Till Mr Barrie was taken ill by the bite of a. . . What was it?
James Tsetse fly. Quite horrible.
Jack Yes, and he swelled to the size of a hippopotamus.
Michael Fingers like sausages!
George And we had to float on him down the river, like he was a. . . a great bloated raft.
Jack But the fishing was good, wasn’t it?
Mary James. Please.
James Sorry. Bye.
Mrs Du Maurier Thank you so much.
Mary Bye.
Mrs Du Maurier Pleasant.
Mary A lovely evening.
George Bye.
James Thank you. Night.
Mary Night.
George Night.
Mary Well, that was a disaster.
Mrs Du Maurier Painful, utterly painful to see.
Sylvia Don’t know what you mean, I had a lovely time.
Mary Oh, James, please, “My problem is in finding the time to do everything else.” I’ve never felt so judged in my life.
James Judged? What do you mean?
Mrs Du Maurier A grown man, for heavens sake, playing all day long with children?
Mary In any case, I hardly think they’ll be the social contact we’d hoped for.
James I hadn’t really thought of them that way, just enjoy their company.
Sylvia He’s been a good friend to us, mother.
Mrs Du Maurier Yes, but what does that mean?
Mary Surely you don’t intend to keep spending your afternoons with those children, do you?
James So today, ladies and gentlemen, using only the wind and his own physical strength, George Llewellyn Davies will test the very limits of the atmosphere using his tethered craft. Go on, boy.
Sylvia Go on, George.
Jack You’re gonna break it, George.
Michael George, stop.
George Just needs a bit more speed.
Michael I want to do it.
James Hold off a bit, George. I think it’s in need of a tail.
Sylvia Oh, wait. Here, James, this will do.
James That’s a good idea.
George No, it’s not heavy enough.
Michael I want to do it.
Jack Are you coming, Peter?
James Porthos!
Sylvia It’ll work this time.
James Porthos. Give us your bell, that’s good. Here. Michael?
Michael Yeah?
James Now, would you like to give it a go?
Michael Yes please.
Jack Oh, he can’t run fast enough.
James ‘Course he can.
Sylvia Let him try, Jack.
James George, you hold the kite.
Sylvia George, come on boys lets go back up to the top. Michael. Come on, Peter. Right, George, hold it up. Darling, you’ve got to run now, ready? Ready? Run. Run, Michael.
Jack Run. Oh, I told you this wasn’t going to work.
Peter I don’t think he’s fast enough.
James It’s not going to work if no-one believes in him.
Sylvia Now give him a chance.
James Michael, go back to your starting position.
Sylvia Come on, darling, we’ll try again.
James George, you take the kite.
George If it’ll help.
James Now, this time, I don’t want a flea’s breath of doubt. We must get that kite in the air.
Sylvia Right, look I think I feel a bit more breeze.
James Ready, Michael? Go on, go on.
Jack You can do it, Michael.
Sylvia You’ve got to run, Michael, run, run.
James That’s it!
Boys Yeah.
Jack You did it. Keep running.
Peter What are you writing about now?
James Oh, just making notes. I’m never really certain what they’re about till I’ve read over later.
Peter Something about the kite?
James Now why do you ask that?
Peter I don’t know. If I were a writer, I think I could tell a whole story about flying the kite today.
James Perhaps you should then, that’s a fantastic idea. Why not give it a try?
Jack I hope you haven’t been talking about anything too serious with this one.
Peter No, talking a bit of silliness really.
Michael Can we have him for supper?
Sylvia Have him to stay for supper, Michael, we’re not cannibals. You are welcome, you know.
Mrs Du Maurier Sylvia, Mr Barrie, where have you been?
Sylvia Erm, flying a kite, mother, and having a wonderful time. I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were coming this evening.
Mrs Du Maurier No? Well apparently you forgot then. I’ve brought some supper along for us all.
Sylvia You didn’t need to do that.
Mrs Du Maurier Well, there’s no food in the house, is there? Really, you don’t need to wait till the cupboard is bare!
Sylvia Please, Mother. Come on, darling.
Mrs Du Maurier Wipe feet. There’s been enough tracking round here. George, I thought you said you were going to help your mother take care of the house? Coat, Michael, please. Yes. And. Coat hanger. Very good.
Michael Will we see you tomorrow?
Mrs Du Maurier No, you’re going to be helping round the house tomorrow.
Sylvia Mother, there is absolutely no need for this.
Mrs Du Maurier You can’t do everything yourself. Look at you, you’re horribly flush. Wearing yourself out.
Sylvia Thank you for a lovely day, James. Excuse me, mother.
Mrs Du Maurier So, from tomorrow we’re going to have some discipline around here. And not one of you will escape.
Sarah Good evening, Mr Barrie.
James Good evening, Sarah.
Emma Good evening, Mr Barrie.
James Evening, Emma.
Mary You missed supper.
James Perhaps I’ll have something later, I’ve a bit of writing I want to do.
Mary Are you sure? It was a lovely meal. Duck. Sarah let Emma cook this evening.
James Is that right? Listen, what would you think of loaning Emma out to the Davies for the occasional evening? They don’t actually have a cook.
Mary I take it Mrs Davies enjoyed the meal she had here?
James I imagine she could use an extra hand now and again, that’s all.
Mary Huh? That’s very charitable of you. Perhaps we can send over some of the silver as well. And, what about linen? I wouldn’t be surprised if some of hers was looking a bit shabby.
James Please Mary, stop.
Mary Maybe she can send over some of the things we’ve run short on. . . My husband for example. We rarely see him in this house.
James That hasn’t seemed to bother you for some time now. Lords and ladies, King Michael, the benevolent. Protector of the Realm.
Peter That sceptre’s made of wood.
James Yes, well, we dream on a budget here, don’t we?
Peter No, I mean, everyone thinks it’s made of gold, but it’s just an old hunk of wood.
James The means to an end, Peter. What we’ve done is taken an old hunk of wood, and transformed it for all the world to see, into the most magnificent gold. Here you go.
Peter What’s this?
James All great writers, begin with a good leather binding, and a respectable title. Open it.
Peter The Boy Castaways, being a record of the terrible adventures of the brothers Davies, faithfully set forth by Peter Llewellyn Davies.
James Kipling would swallow is own ear for a title like that.
Michael Stab him George, you can do it.
Peter I still have no idea what to write.
James Write about anything. Write about your family. Write about the talking whale.
Peter What whale?
James The one that’s trapped in your imagination and desperate to get out. Come sit down. I have actually begun writing about the adventures of the Davies brothers myself.
Peter A play?
James A play indeed. Yes. And I would be extremely honoured if you would allow me the use of your name for one of the characters.
Peter I don’t know what to say.
James Say yes. Good man.
Peter I won’t go to bed. I won’t. I won’t.
Sylvia You should have been in bed half an hour ago young man. I’m afraid I’ve grown hopelessly lax in my discipline.
James Nonsense, young boys should never be sent to bed, they always wake up a day older. And then before you know it, they’re grown.
Sylvia Their father would have been horrified, ‘course he would never have allowed a dog in the house either. He’d’ve tied him up in the yard. Right, last one in bed’s a hairy toad. You mean a lot to my boys, you know. Especially Peter.
James It seems to me that Peter is trying to grow up too fast. I imagine he thinks that grown-ups don’t hurt as deeply as children do when they. . . when they lose someone. I lost my elder brother David when I was just Peter’s age. And it nearly destroyed my mother.
Sylvia James, I’m so sorry. Your poor mother. I can’t imagine losing a child.
James Aye. She didn’t get out of bed for months, she wouldn’t eat. I tried everything to make her happy, but. . . she only wanted David. So, one day, I dressed myself in David’s clothing, and went to her.
Sylvia You must have frightened her to death.
James I think it was the first time she ever, actually. . . looked at me. And that was the end of the boy James. I used to say to myself, he’d gone to Neverland.
Sylvia Where?
James Neverland. It’s a wonderful place. I’ve not spoken about this before to anyone. Ever.
Sylvia What’s it like, Neverland?
James One day I’ll take you there.
Charles Wait a minute, James, he’s a fairy?
James Er, no. He’s the irrepressible spirit of youth. Tinkerbell’s the fairy.
Charles Tinkerbell’s a woman?
James She’s not a woman, she’s a fairy. He is a boy who stays young forever.
Charles James, how does anyone stay young for ever? It doesn’t work.
James He just believes, Charles, he imagines life the way he wants it to be. And he believes in it long enough and hard enough that it all appears before him. Do you see?
Charles James, I’m your friend. You’re coming off a flop. You have a man who is a fairy. . .
James No, boy.
Charles Yes, okay. And this girl calls herself Tinker. And you have a pirate ship on stage, surrounded by tons and tons of water. That’s a lot of water.
James It’s a lot of water.
Charles Yes, and that’s a lot of money.
James It is, but we can, we can fake the water.
Charles Oh well, if we can fake the water then I’m sure your play will be a hit. You know what I think I’ll do? I think I’ll imagine life the way I want it to be. . .
James Long enough and hard enough.
Charles Yes, and then the money for the play will appear magically before me.
James That’s right, that’s it.
Charles How does the clock wind up inside the crocodile?
James He swallows it.
Charles Ah, of course he does.
Man How was he?
Mary Well done.
Woman Thank you.
James Finally get the courage to invite the boys to a game and we have to suffer this grave humiliation. It’s perfect actually.
Arthur You spend a good deal of time with them don’t you?
James Every moment I can spare in fact.
Arthur I’m glad for you. Mrs Davies’ll be having a good time of it as well. Should be aware though, James, what some people have been saying. Now, mind you, I wouldn’t bring it up if I thought it would pass.
James Not surprised. What do they say?
Arthur Very well, that you spend much more time with Mrs Davies than you do with your own wife. She is a widow. And, erm.
James And a friend. That’s it, nothing more.
Arthur There have also been questions about, how you spend your time with those boys, and why.
James That’s outrageous. How could anyone think something so evil, they’re children. They’re innocent children. You find a glimmer of happiness in this world, there’s always someone who wants to destroy it. No. Thank you, Arthur, but I don’t think many will give credence to such nonsense.
Arthur Then why is no-one sitting with them? Once you get a bit of notoriety James, people watch you, and they will look for ways to drag you down.
Sylvia Are you sure your wife doesn’t object to us taking over your cottage for the summer? James.
James She doesn’t go there any more.
Sylvia Really? It’s such a relief to get away. You’ll come and visit I hope.
James ‘Course. Are we in?
Sylvia Everyone in?
Jack Can I drive Uncle Jim?
James Er. . . No. Out of the way or I’ll make haggis of you.
Michael Get the sheep out the way.
Jack Are we there yet?
James Almost. Almost there.
Jack I can see the cottage! Shall we explore, Michael?
Sylvia If you’re going outside don’t tear your clothes, please.
James Would you like to see the rest of it?
Sylvia Yes.
James Okay. Hello. Thought you could escape from Captain Swarthy, eh? Off to the ship with you then. Off to the ship son. So now you can either choose to become a pirate with the rest of us. . . Or, we’ll toss you to the shark.
Michael How marvellous.
James Or maybe the crocodiles, eh?
Sylvia No-one’s escaped Captain.
James Excellent work, matey. Now then, now is your only chance to speak. Who amongst you is ready to tie your hopes and dreams to the sea?
Michael I am.
James Not finished yet. And to enter into the most dangerous chapter in your young and soon to be wasted lives? What did you say? What are you doing, son? Are you giggling? On my ship? Giggling? What did you say?
George I said I’m ready Captain.
James What’s your name boy?
George I’m Curly, the oldest and wisest of the crew.
James Cut him loose matey. Welcome aboard Curly. Your job will be to mop the deck. And who be you, young squire?
Jack My name be Nibbs the Cut-Throat, feared by men and greatly desired by the ladies.
Sylvia Jack!
James Welcome aboard Nibbs, you shall polish all the wood surfaces.
Sylvia Grab a hold of that rigging.
James And you lad?
Peter I’m Peter.
James That’s not a pirate name. What about Dastardly Jim, eh?
Peter No, just Peter. I like my name.
James Very well. In punishment for lack of an interesting pirate name, Peter shall walk the plank. Cut ‘im loose.
Mr Reilly Mr Barrie sir. There’s been a mistake here sir. It says here I’m to play the nanny. Don’t imagine I quite fit that part, eh?
James You’re not actually a nanny, you’re a dog.
Mr Reilly What?
James A Newfoundland, we’ll put you in a great big fluffy dog suit.
Mr Reilly Oh right.
Organiser Actually, we don’t have a Tinkerbell cast do we? He could play Tinkerbell.
James Oh heavens, no. Tinkerbell’s a light that moves around the stage. Just a wee light that, that, that moves around the stage.
Stagehand Bit worried about this.
Charles Let’s see, got John Darling, Michael Darling, Tiger-Lily, Smee, Skylines, it’s a play for puppets. Tools, Nibbs, Curley. Oh these names are absurd when you see them all together. Captain Hook, Sergeant. . . Oh, hello James. You’re out of your mind.
Mary How were rehearsals?
James Fine, great, they’re going, quite well.
Mary Good.
James Yes, thank you.
Sylvia Hello.
James Hello.
Sylvia How was your journey?
James ‘Twas quite long, I’m exhausted.
Sylvia Let’s get you some tea.
James That’d be nice, thanks.
Michael Can you come to the play-house.
Sylvia In a moment Michael, he’s just arrived.
Michael But I said I’d get him. They always send Peter to do things. I said I’ll do it. It will spoil the surprise.
Sylvia What surprise darling?
Michael It’s a great surprise. We’ve taken most of the day preparing for it, everybody’s waiting for you.
James Then we mustn’t keep them waiting.
Michael Please don’t tell them that I told you the surprise, I said I wouldn’t.
Sylvia Oh well, you didn’t really tell us anything about it, did you?
Michael Yes I did, it’s a play.
James It’s a play!
Peter The Lamentable Tale of Lady Ursula, a play in one act, by Peter Llewellyn Davies. This is just a bit of silliness really.
James I should hope so. Go on.
Peter I just wanted to take a stab at writing, you know, well, the others do a good job of it anyway.
Sylvia Well, let’s see it then.
Peter The Lamentable Tale of Lady Ursula. One morning, just after sunrise, Lady Ursula, the most beautiful daughter of Lord and Lady DuBonne, made her way up the steps of the great cathedral to pray to her blessed saint. Suddenly, as she reached the cathedral doors, the gargoyle that guarded the sacred structure, came to life and swooped down upon her. The people of the village all ran to safety, but Lady Ursula slipped on the cathedral steps and the gargoyle descended upon her, wrapping her in its huge wings and taking her high up into the spires of the cathedral.
Sylvia Go on Peter.
Peter Not long after this sorrowful event, a young knight names J M Barnaby came into the city.
James Sylvia, come on. Do you want some water?
Sylvia No James.
James Back to the house, go on. She won’t discuss it with me at all. She claims it was nothing. I tell you doctor, she couldn’t breathe.
Doctor Well, I can’t very well treat a patient who won’t admit there’s anything wrong.
James You’ll have to make her understand that something is.
Doctor I’ll try and do my best.
James Okay, just here. Put your hand flat like that, okay? And. Ow. And then, like that.
Sylvia Come in.
James The good doctor didn’t feel up to the challenge on this one. He thinks you need to go to hospital for further tests.
Sylvia Nonsense, when would I have the time for that? Besides, this family’s had enough of hospitals.
James Perhaps they can help you.
Sylvia I know what they can do for me. I saw what they did for my husband. No James, no interest in hospitals. Though I’m keenly interested in having some supper.
Peter What did you and mother decide to tell us this time? It’s only a chest cold?!
James We hadn’t decided anything.
Peter Stop lying to me. I’m sick of grown-ups lying to me.
James I’m not lying to you. I don’t know what’s wrong.
Peter Father might take us fishing. That’s what she said, in just a few weeks, and he dies the next morning.
James That wasn’t a lie Peter. That was your mother’s hope.
Peter He barely moved for a week, but I started planning our fishing trip.
James I will never lie to you. I promise you that,
Peter No, all you’ll do is teach me to make up stupid stories and pretend that things aren’t happening, until. . . I won’t, I’m not blind. I won’t be made a fool.
Sylvia What’s this? Peter? Your play. Darling, I wanted to see the rest of it. Magic’s gone out of it a bit now, hasn’t it? All because of a silly chest cold.
Mary James. Well you remember Gilbert Cannan don’t you?
James Good evening.
Mary Mr Cannan has been working on the committee to fight government censorship.
Gilbert I know how involved you’ve been as well.
Mary He wanted to speak to you. I did think you’d be home so much sooner.
James It’s been a long evening Mary.
Mary Yes, well if I’d realised how late it was, of course.
Gilbert I should perhaps talk to you at another time, not so late.
James That’ll be fine.
Gilbert We’ll talk then, eh. Thank you for your patience Mrs Barrie, Mr Barrie. Good night.
Mary Well aren’t you going to speak?
James What would you like me to say? Curious how late Mr Cannan stayed I suppose. And let’s see, what comes next? No later than you were out James. And how is Mrs Davies this evening? Oh yes, I would have a great answer to that one, wouldn’t I?
Mary How dare you! This isn’t one of your plays.
James I know that Mary. It’s quite serious. But I’m not ready for this conversation, whatever it may be. Perhaps we can talk in the morning, yes? Good night then.
Smee Er, Mr Barrie, don’t you agree this is a little bit tight?
James No, no, in fact I think it’s quite. . . baggy.
Smee Baggy?
James Quite frumpy. I’d bring it right in just here.
Smee That’s very tight.
James Hm, right there. And put maybe a plank of wood there to straighten him up.
Tailor Oh yeah, yes Mr Barrie.
Smee Plank of wood?
James Some wood there, there in the shoulders. Otherwise it’s marvellous.
Tailor Right sir.
Sylvia You’ll be sick tomorrow.
George I’ll be sick tonight.
Sylvia James, we’re just having some tea. You remember my mother of course.
James Yes, of course, how do you do?
Sylvia May I take your hat?
Mrs Du Maurier Don’t laugh boys.
Sylvia Boys, please don’t run in the house, you’ll break something, come away from that door, come on, come on, come on, come on.
Mrs Du Maurier I’d like a word with you Mr Barrie before you go. We’ll only be a few minutes.
Sylvia Boys, why don’t you go and play in the garden, go on.
Michael Is he in trouble?
Peter Sshh!
Michael Because I’ve been alone with Grandmother and I know what it’s like.
Sylvia Shall we retire into the study?
Mrs Du Maurier Why don’t you join them dear?
Sylvia Very well.
James I do apologise for interrupting.
Mrs Du Maurier Would you close the door please.
James Certainly.
Mrs Du Maurier Sylvia has told me you’ve offered her the services of your household staff.
James Er, well, not exactly.
Mrs Du Maurier That won’t be necessary.
James I’ll leave that to Sylvie of course.
Mrs Du Maurier You’ll leave that to me Mr Barrie. You see I’m moving in here from now on.
James You’re moving in?
Mrs Du Maurier I’m going where I’m most needed. And I can certainly see to it that this house is managed without resorting to your charity.
James It isn’t charity Mrs DuMaurier. I was only trying to help as a friend.
Mrs Du Maurier Have you no idea how much your friendship has already cost my daughter? Or are you really that selfish?
James I beg your pardon.
Mrs Du Maurier Don’t you see, what a visit to the summer cottage of a married man does for a widows future prospects? Sylvia needs to find someone, the boys need a father. And you are destroying any hope this family has of pulling itself together again.
James I’ve only wanted good things for this family Mrs DuMaurier.
Mrs Du Maurier I’ll look after them. You have your own family to concern yourself with.
James What are you suggesting?
Mrs Du Maurier I’m suggesting you protect what you have Mr Barrie. That is precisely what I am doing.
Mary I was so certain what I would find in this. Some little confession would leak out onto the page.
James I don’t write love notes in my journal.
Mary No, still you knew who I meant didn’t you? That’s some comfort actually. Means I know you just a little after all.
James You needn’t steal my journal to get to know me Mary.
Mrs Du Maurier No, I suppose I could just go see the plays. I was hopelessly naïve when I married you. I imagined that brilliant people disappeared to some secret place where good ideas floated around like leaves in Autumn, and I, hoped at least, once, you would take me there with you.
James There is no such place.
Mary Yes there is. Neverland. It’s the best you’ve written James. And I’m sure that Davies will adore the world you’ve created for them. I only wish I were part of it.
James I’ve wanted you to be. I’ve tried. Mary, I always imagined us going off on great adventures once we were together. But we moved into this house and you started, I don’t know, re-arranging the furniture.
Mary What was I supposed to do James? You were always gone.
James I was right here.
Mary Sitting in your parlour staring off into other worlds as though I didn’t exist.
James Look, just give me a bit more time to finish up the play.
Mary To spend with your mews. No I’m tired of waiting James, I’m tired of looking like a fool.
James Well I can’t very well give up the play.
Mary ‘Course not. Just, come home to me at the end of the day. Rehearse and be home for dinner. No more trips to the country, no more long afternoons in the park. If you can’t give us that much of a chance. . . then we must end this. And I will.
