INT. FLAMINGO HOTEL SUITE – DAY
DUKE
WHAT?
(hand over the PHONE)
What was that crazy bitch said to
him?
(screams)
There’s a war on, man! People are
being killed!
CLERK (V/O)
Killed?
DUKE
IN VIETNAM! ON THE GODDAMN
TELEVISION!
CLERK (V/O)
Oh… yes… yes… This terrible
war. When will it end?
DUKE
Tell me. What do you want?
In the background GONZO is upturning a sofa to retrieve his
stash from the lining.
CLERK (V/O)
The woman who left that message for
you sounded very disturbed. I
think she was crying…
DUKE
Crying? Why was she crying?
CLERK (V/O)
Well, uh. She didn’t say Mr. Duke.
But since I know you’re here with
the Police Convention…
DUKE
Look, you want to be gentle with
that woman if she ever calls again.
We’re watching her very carefully…
this woman has been into laudanum.
It’s a controlled experiment, but I
suspect we’ll need your cooperation
before this thing is over.
CLERK (V/O)
(hesitantly)
Well, certainly… We’re always
happy to cooperate with the police…
83.
DUKE
Don’t worry. You’re protected.
Just treat this poor woman like
you’d treat any other human being
in trouble.
CLERK (V/O)
What? Ah… yes, yes, I see what
you mean… Yes… so, you’ll be
responsible then?
DUKE
Of course. And now I have to get
back to the news. Send up some ice.
He hangs up. GONZO zaps TV channels — commercials.
GONZO
Good work. They’ll treat us like
goddamn lepers after that.
DUKE
(slowly, carefully)
Lucy is looking for you.
GONZO
(laughing)
No, she’s looking for you.
DUKE
Me?
GONZO
She really flipped over you. The
only way I could get rid of her was
by saying you were taking me out to
the desert for a showdown — that
you wanted me out of the way so you
could have her all to yourself.
(laughing again)
I guess she figures you won. That
phone message wasn’t for me, was it?
A look of stunned realization from DUKE…
INT. FANTASY COURT ROOM – DAY
LUCY is on the witness stand.
LUCY
Yessir, those two men in the dock
are the ones who gave me the LSD
and took me to the hotel.
84.
A doomed DUKE and GONZO await their fate.
LUCY
I don’t know for sure what they
done to me, but I remember it was
horrible.
JUDGE
Twenty years… and Double
Castration!
The JUDGE bangs his gavel.
INT. HOTEL FLAMINGO SUITE – DAY
DUKE is madly stuffing his suitcase.
GONZO
Wait! You can’t leave me alone in
this snake pit. This room is in my
name.
DUKE KEEPS PACKING. GONZO is looking worried.
GONZO
OK, goddamnit!… Look… I’ll call
her. I’ll get her off our backs.
You’re right. She’s my problem.
DUKE
It’s gone too far.
GONZO
Relax. Let me handle this.
(dials the PHONE,
snaps angrily at DUKE)
You’d make a piss-poor lawyer.
…Room 1600, please.
(to DUKE)
As your attorney, I advise you not
to worry.
(nods towards bathroom)
Take a hit out of that little brown
bottle in my shaving kit.
DUKE goes in the bathroom. He finds a little bottle — a
label: “DRINK ME.”
DUKE
What is this?
85.
GONZO
You won’t need much. Just a little
tiny taste, that stuff makes pure
mescaline seem like ginger-beer.
Adrenochrome.
DUKE stares wonderingly at the bottle.
DUKE
Adrenochrome…
GONZO
(into PHONE)
Hi, Lucy? Yeah, it’s me. I got
your message…what? Hell, no, I
taught the bastard a lesson he’ll
never forget… what? No, not
dead, but he won’t be bothering
anybody for a while. Yeah. I left
him out there, I stomped him, then
pulled all his teeth out…
DUKE (V/O)
I remember thinking, “Jesus, what a
terrible thing to lay on somebody
with a head full of acid.”
DUKE dips a match head into the brown bottle — studies
it — TASTES IT — NOTHING — TASTES SOME MORE…
GONZO
(to PHONE)
But here’s the problem. That
bastard cashed a bad check
downstairs and gave you as a
reference. They’ll be looking for
both of you. Yeah, I know, but you
can’t judge a book by its cover,
Lucy. Some people are just
basically rotten… Anyway, the
last thing you want to do is call
this hotel again; they’ll trace the
call and put you straight behind
bars… no, I’m moving to the
Tropicana right away. I have to
go, they’ve got the phone tapped.
Yeah, I know, it was horrible, but
it’s all over now… OH MY GOD!
THEY’RE KICKING THE DOOR DOWN!
(throws the PHONE
down; shouts)
No! Get away from me! I’m innocent!
It was Duke! I swear to God!
(MORE)
86.
GONZO (CONT’D)
(stomps the PHONE; moans)
No, I don’t know where she is.
You’ll never catch Lucy! She’s
gone! I swear, I don’t know where
she is! DON’T PUT THAT THING ON ME!
(slams the PHONE down)
GONZO sits back in his chair… watching MISSION IMPOSSIBLE.
GONZO
Well. That’s that. She’s probably
stuffing herself down the
incinerator about now. That’s the
last we should be hearing from Lucy.
(fumbling with the
hash pipe)
Where’s the opium?
DUKE stares at the back of GONZO’s neck. SOMETHING VERY
STRANGE IS HAPPENING TO HIM…
DUKE (V/O)
I remember slumping on the bed, his
performance had given me a bad jolt.
For a moment I thought his mind had
snapped — that he actually believed
he was being attacked by invisible
enemies. But the room was quiet
again.
DUKE CLUTCHES THE BROWN BOTTLE.
DUKE
Where’d you get this?
GONZO
Never mind, it’s absolutely pure.
DUKE
Jesus… what kind of monster
client have you picked up this time?
There’s only one source for this
stuff — the adrenaline gland from
a living human body!
GONZO turns to smile at DUKE.
87.
GONZO
I know, but the guy didn’t have any
cash to pay me. He’s one of these
Satanism freaks. He offered me
human blood — said it would take
me higher than I’ve ever been in my
life.
(laughs — struts
round DUKE — eyes
bright with expectation)
I thought he was kidding, so I told
him I’d just as soon have an ounce
or so of pure adrenochrome — or
maybe just a fresh adrenaline gland
to chew on.
DUKE (V/O)
I could already feel the stuff
working on me — the first wave
felt like a combination of mescaline
and methedrine — maybe I should
take a swim, I thought…
DUKE sees that GONZO is TOYING WITH HIS HUNTING KNIFE…
GONZO
Yeah, they nailed this guy for
child molesting. He swore he
didn’t do it. “Why should I fuck
with children?” he says. “They’re
too small.” Christ, werewolf is
entitled to legal counsel. I
didn’t dare turn the creep down.
He might have picked up a letter
opener and gone after my pineal
gland!
GONZO JABS WITH THE RAZOR BRIGHT KNIFE. DUKE’S BODY IS
GOING RIGID — HE SPEAKS THROUGH GRITTED TEETH.
DUKE
Why not? We should get some of
that. Just eat a big handful and
see what happens.
GONZO
Some of what?
DUKE
(spitting words)
Extract of pineal!
88.
GONZO
(STARING AT DUKE WITH
A STRANGE SMILE)
Sure. That’s a good idea. One
whiff of that shit would turn you
into something out of a goddamn
medical encyclopedia.
GONZO GROWS HORNS — HIS FACE BECOMES A MEXICAN DEMON MASK.
GONZO
Man, your head would swell up like
a watermelon, you’d probably gain
about a hundred pounds in two
hours…
A CLOVEN HOOF BURSTS THROUGH GONZO’S SHOE.
DUKE
Right!
GONZO
… grow claws… bleeding warts.
GONZO’S CHEST EXPANDS — BONY RIBS BURSTING HIS SHIRT.
DUKE
Yes!
GONZO
… then you’d notice about six
huge hairy tits swelling up on your
back…
A TAIL LASHES, HOOFS STRIKE THE FLOOR. GONZO TOWERS — A
FLAME RED DEMON!
DUKE
Fantastic!
DUKE is now so wire that his hands are CLAWING UNCONTROLLABLY
at the bedspread, JERKING IT RIGHT OUT FROM UNDER HIM. His
heels are dug into the mattress with both KNEES LOCKED,
EYEBALLS SWELLING.
GONZO-DEMON LOOMS AGAINST THE CEILING.
GONZO
you’d go blind… your body would
turn to wax… they’d have to put
you in a wheelbarrow and…
GONZO’S VOICE FADES AWAY — DUKE’S frenzied gaze reveals
GONZO REVERTED TO NORMAL HUMAN SHAPE AND SIZE.
89.
GONZO
Man I’ll try about anything; but
I’d never touch a pineal gland.
DUKE
FINISH THE FUCKING STORY! What
happened?! What about the glands?
GONZO, a small smile on his lips, backs away warily…
towards the TV — NOW A HUNDRED FEET AWAY IN THE DISTANCE…
GONZO
Jesus, that stuff got right on top
of you, didn’t it.
VEINS stand out on DUKE’s forehead. He is purplish-red.
OVER THE TOP! Too late, he realizes he is NEAR DEATH!
DUKE
Maybe you could just… shove me
into the pool, or something…
GONZO shakes his head disgustedly.
GONZO
If I put you in the pool right now,
you’d sink like a goddamn stone.
You took too much. Jesus, look at
your face, you’re about to explode.
GONZO sits back down… watching the TV.
GONZO
Don’t try and fight it, or you’ll
get brain bubbles. Strokes,
aneurysms. You’ll just wither up
and die.
DUKE FALLS TO THE GROUND, WRITHING, CATATONIC, SINKING INTO
PARALYSIS.
AND THE SOUND, SUDDENLY AND STRANGELY, OF THE VOICE OF
RICHARD NIXON AND HIS DISTORTED FACE ON THE TV SCREEN.
NIXON
Sacrifice… sacrifice…
sacrifice…
DUKE PASSES OUT.
BLACK SCREEN
90.
INT. FLAMINGO HOTEL SUITE – NIGHT
Darkness. Insanely, somewhere NILSSON plays — “Put the
lime in the coconut and mix em all up…”
DUKE (V/O)
What kind of rat-bastard psychotic
would play that song — right now,
at this moment?
DUKE opens his eyes and the hotel suite rushes in. He lies,
awkwardly twisted — unable to move. He could have been
there days — months.
DUKE (V/O)
When I came to the general back
alley ambiance of the suite was so
rotten, so incredibly foul. How
long had I been lying there? Hours?
Days? Months? All these signs of
violence. What had happened?
DUKE moves his eyes — taking in his surroundings: Like THE
SIGHT OF SOME DISASTROUS ZOOLOGICAL EXPERIMENT involving
whisky and gorillas. Blue and red Christmas tree lights
replace lightbulbs, used towels hanging everywhere,
pornographic pictures ripped out of a magazine are plastered
on a shattered mirror.
DUKE (V/O)
There was evidence in this room of
excessive consumption of almost
every type of drug known to
civilized man since 1544 AD.
DUKE manages to move — stiffly gets to his bare feet —
HOBBLES ROUND THE TRASHED ROOM like a newly risen ape.
DUKE (V/O)
But what kind of addict would need
all these coconut husks and crushed
honeydew rinds? Would the presence
of junkies account for all these
uneaten french fries? These
puddles of glazed ketchup on the
bureau? Maybe so, but then why all
this booze? And these crude
pornographic photos smeared with
mustard that had dried to a hard
yellow crust…
DUKE peers into Gonzo’s room — HIS BED LIKE A BURNED OUT
RAT’S NEST — blackened springs and wires.
91.
DUKE (V/O)
These were not the hoof prints of
your normal god-fearing junkie. It
was too savage, too aggressive.
QUICK FLASHBACK:
GONZO SMASHES THE TEN FOOT MIRROR WITH A HAMMER:
BACK IN THE ROOM:
DUKE stares at the smashed mirror.
DUKE (V/O)
Grim memories and bad flashbacks.
In the bathroom, DUKE’S unlaced boots CRUSH BROKEN GLASS IN
VOMIT AND GRAPEFRUIT RINDS.
DUKE unzips and pisses. THERE IN THE TOILET BOWL IS THE
MAGNUM .357!
DUKE (V/O)
Something ugly had happened. I was
sure of it…
DUKE stares at the golden stream SPLASHING ON THE GUN.
The SOUNDS OF VOMITING come from a closet near the front door.
DUKE looks into the room. He sees GONZO’s ass sticking out
of the closet. He opens his mouth to speak when, IN THE
SMASHED MIRROR HE SEES THE FRAGMENTED REFLECTION OF HIMSELF…
sleeping on the sofa.
The ominous SOUND OF A KEY TURNING in the room lock.
A hellish scream wakes up the SLEEPING DUKE. He sees GONZO
grappling naked with the maid — gun to her head. GONZO is
muffling her screams with an ice bag.
MAID
Please… please… I’m only the
maid. I didn’t mean nothin!…
DUKE
(jumps up from the
bed, flashing his
press badge)
YOU’RE UNDER ARREST!
92.
GONZO
(to DUKE)
She must have used a pass key. I
was polishing my shoes in the
closet when I noticed her sneaking
in-so I took her.
DUKE shakes his head.
DUKE
(barks at the MAID)
What made you do it? Who paid you
off?
MAID
Nobody. I’m the maid!
GONZO
You’re lying! You were after the
evidence. Who put you up to
this — the manager?
MAID
I don’t know what you’re talking
about!
GONZO
Bullshit! You’re just as much a
part of it as they are!
MAID
Part of what?
DUKE
The dope ring. You must know
what’s going on in this hotel. Why
do you think we’re here?
MAID
(blubbering)
I know you’re cops, but I thought
you were just here for that
convention. I swear! All I wanted
to do was clean up the room. I
don’t know anything about dope!
GONZO laughs.
GONZO
Come on, baby don’t try to tell us
you never heard of the Grange Gorman.
93.
MAID
No! No! I swear to Jesus I never
heard of that stuff!
DUKE
Maybe she’s telling the truth.
Maybe she’s not part of it.
MAID
No! I swear I’m not!
GONZO
(long pause)
In that case, maybe she can help.
MAID
Yes! I’ll help you all you need!
I hate dope!
DUKE
So do we, lady.
GONZO
(helping her up)
I think we should put her on the
payroll. See what she comes up with.
DUKE
Do you think you can handle it?
MAID
What?
GONZO
One phone call every day. Just
tell us what you’ve seen. Don’t
worry if it doesn’t add up, that’s
our problem.
GONZO hustles the MAID to the door.
MAID
You’d pay me for that?
DUKE
You’re damn right. But the first
time you say anything about this,
to anybody — you’ll go straight to
prison for the rest of your life.
What’s your name?
MAID
Alice. Just ring Linen Service and
ask for Alice.
94.
GONZO
Alright, Alice… you’ll be
contacted by Inspector Rock.
Arthur Rock. He’ll be posing as a
politician.
DUKE
Inspector Rock will pay you. In
cash. A thousand dollars on the
ninth of every month.
MAID
Oh Lord! I’d do just about anything
for that!
GONZO
You and a lot of other people.
DUKE
The password is: “One Hand Washes
The Other.” The minute you hear
that, you say “I fear nothing.”
MAID
I fear nothing.
She repeats the password several times while they listen to
make sure she has it right.
GONZO
Oh, and don’t bother to make up the
room. That way we won’t have to
risk another of these little
incidents, will we?
MAID
Whatever you say, gentlemen. I
can’t tell you how sorry I am about
what happened…
GONZO
Don’t worry, it’s all over now.
Thank God for the decent people.
She smiles, repeating to herself “One Hand Washes The Other”
as GONZO hangs the DO NOT DISTURB sign and shuts the door.
CUT BACK TO THE PRESENT.
A grimy tape runs through a grunged-up portable tape recorder.
GONZO ON TAPE
… Thank God for the decent people.
95.
DUKE sits in the middle of the wrecked suite with his
mangled tape recorder in front of him.
DUKE (V/O)
Memories of that night are extremely
hazy…
DUKE fast forwards through the tape — SEARCHING: “Awwww,
mama… can this really…be the end…?”
EXT. SAFEWAY SUPERMARKET – DAY
The WHITE WHALE waits — gleaming — beautiful.
DUKE (V/O)
There is a definite obligation,
when you boom around Vegas in a
white Coupe de Ville, to maintain a
certain style.
DUKE and GONZO burst out of the supermarket riding a shopping
basket loaded with COCONUTS, GRAPEFRUIT and TEQUILA. They
send DEFEATED SHOPPERS sprawling.
The trolley collides into the WHITE WHALE. SHOPPERS gather
at the supermarket entrance to watch — baskets loaded with
junk, SCREAMING KIDS and EMPTY WALLETS.
DUKE switches on the music: JUMPING JACK FLASH. He selects
a coconut — ceremonially balances it on the hood. GONZO
pulls out a silver claw-hammer. A sly look at the gathering
CROWD… then he smashes the hammer down on the coconut!
A GASP from the surly SHOPPERS.
DUKE places another coconut. SMASH! Milk and white meat
flies everywhere.
SHOPPER #1
Hey! Is that your car?
DUKE
Sure is.
SMASH! Coconut fragments fly.
DUKE
Any of you folks want the milk?
We’re after the meat. This is
honest coconut essence. Real meat.
SMASH!
96.
SHOPPER #2
Meat, hell! Look what you’re doing
to that car!
GONZO
Fuck the car. They should make
these things with a goddamn FM radio.
SMASH!
DUKE
Yeh… This foreign made crap — is
sucking our dollar balance dry!
SHOPPER #3
Someone should stop them!
SMASH!
DUKE
You poor fools don’t understand, do
you? This car is the property of
the World Bank! That money goes to
ITALY!
SHOPPER #3
Somebody should call the police!
GONZO
Police? Are you people crazy?
GONZO confronts the CROWD, hammer in one hand, a coconut in
the other.
GONZO (CONT’D)
You folks every heard of ole
Patrick Henry? Know what he said?!
Silence — the CROWD uncomprehending of this STONE DEGENERATE.
GONZO (CONT’D)
(ROARS)
GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH!
GONZO brings the hammer down on the hood. CLANG!
A gasp from the CROWD. Getting ugly.
GONZO (CONT’D)
In Samoa we LOVE THE CONSTITUTION!
SHOPPER #3
Bullshit.
97.
The CROWD move in.
SHOPPER #1
Call the goddamn police!
GONZO SWINGS THE HAMMER. CLANG!
SHOPPER #4
Look what they’ve done to that
beautiful car!
DUKE jumps in behind the wheel.
DUKE
This crowd is not rational. They
can’t relate to us. Let’s go!
A final CLANG! GONZO jumps in.
DUKE floors the accelerator — screams at the CROWD.
DUKE
You people voted for Hubert Humphrey!
You killed Jesus!
They swerve round and through the CROWD.
DUKE (V/O)
The crowd broke ranks. Nobody
wants to be run over by a Coupe de
Ville.
INT. HOTEL FLAMINGO SUITE – NIGHT
DUKE FAST-FORWARDS… PLAYS THE TAPE…
VOICE ON TAPE
You found the American Dream? In
this town?
DUKE ON TAPE
We’re sitting on the main nerve
right now…
INT. BAZOOKO CIRCUS REVOLVING MERRY-GO-ROUND BAR – NIGHT
DUKE and GONZO (wearing a single black glove) talk
conspiratorially to a 3RD MAN. A PLACID ORANGUTAN in a bow
tie sits next to him. THE BAR IS REVOLVING FASTER THAN
NORMAL. DUKE IS INSANELY TALKATIVE — WIRED!
98.
DUKE
The manager told me a story about
the owner of this place…about how
he always wanted to run away and
join the circus when he was a kid.
Well, now the bastard has his own
circus, and a license to steal, too.
3RD MAN
You’re right — he’s the model.
DUKE
Absolutely! Pure Horatio Alger…
Say…
INT. FLAMINGO HOTEL SUITE – NIGHT
DUKE playing the tape.
DUKE ON TAPE
… how much do you think he’d take
for the ape?
DUKE fast-forwards again — searching… TRAFFIC NOISES.
SCREECH OF BRAKES.
VOICE ON TAPE
Holy God!…
A TERRIBLE GRINDING NOISE.
EXT. CAR RENTAL AGENCY – NIGHT
RENTAL AGENT
Holy God!, how did this happen?
DUKE
They beat the shit out of it.
RENTAL AGENT
The top’s completely jammed!
The CAR RENTAL AGENT wrestles with the trashed car.
DUKE
Yeah, something’s wrong with the
motor…
INT. FLAMINGO HOTEL SUITE – NIGHT
DUKE ON TAPE
… The generator light’s been on
red ever since I drove the thing
into Lake Mead on a water test…
99.
A HUGE SPLASH…
The tape’s gone too far.
DUKE
No, no. Shit…
DUKE races the tape BACKWARDS… Then, SIRENS HOWL.
DUKE ON TAPE
Where’s the ape? I’m ready to
write a check.
INT. BAZOOKO CIRCUS BAR – NIGHT
DUKE is standing in the middle of A SEMI-DESTROYED BAZOOKO
CIRCUS REVOLVING BAR. Mirrors are broken. People are
recovering from some kind of battle. THE BAR SPINS MADLY.
DUKE IS INSANELY WIRED.
3RD MAN
Forget it, he just attacked an old
man… he took a bite out of the
bartender’s head! The cops took
the ape away.
DUKE
Goddamnit! What’s the bail? I
want that ape! I’ve already
reserved two first-class seats on
the plane.
DUKE (V/O)
There was every reason to believe
that we had been heading for
trouble, that we’d pushed our luck
a bit far…
INT. WHITE WHALE ON THE STREETS OF LAS VEGAS – NIGHT
GONZO SCREAMS ABUSE out of the window at a Ford alongside
the VOMIT STREAKED WHITE WHALE. DUKE MAKES A SUPERHUMAN
EFFORT TO STAY ON THE ROAD.
GONZO
Hey there! You folks want to buy
some heroin?
In the Ford: TWO COUPLES — MIDDLE-AGED AMERICAN FACES
FROZEN IN SHOCK — stare straight ahead. GONZO leans out —
close to them.
100.
GONZO
Hey, honkies! Goddamnit, I’m
serious. I want to sell you some
pure fucking smack!
No reaction.
GONZO
Cheap heroin! This is the real
stuff! You won’t get hooked. I
just got back from Vietnam! This
is scag, folks. Pure scag!
The lights change. The Ford bolts. DUKE keeps pace with
them.
GONZO
Shoot! Fuck! Scag! Blood!
Heroin! Rape! Cheap! Communist!
Jab it right in your fucking
eyeballs!
The MAN IN THE BACK SEAT suddenly loses control — enraged,
lunges against the glass, trying to get at GONZO.
MAN IN CAR
You dirty bastards! Pull over and
I’ll kill you! God damn you! You
bastards!
INT. FLAMINGO HOTEL SUITE – NIGHT
BACK IN THE SUITE:
The tapes runs:
MAN IN CAR ON TAPE
You dirty bastards!
An ugly squeal of brakes.
GONZO ON TAPE
Shit, he was trying to bite me! I
shoulda maced the fucker!
DUKE fast forwards the tape. The TAPE MANGLES — the sounds
ski to a halt…
DUKE grabs the nearest tool — uses it to hook out the tape,
then realizes… IT’S GONZO’S RAZOR-SHARP FOLDING KNIFE… A
CHILLING MOMENT…
DUKE turns the knife over… THERE’S A DRIED CRIMSON SPOT ON
THE BLADE… OR IS IT DRIED MASHED POTATOES?
101.
READ ON TO FIND OUT!
DUKE
(remembering)
Back door beauty!
DUKE (V/O)
The mentality of Las Vegas is so
grossly atavistic that a really
massive crime often slips by
unrecognized.
DUKE SCRAPS A LITTLE OF THE CRUST — TASTES IT…
DUKE (V/O CONT’D)
The possibility of physical and
mental collapse is very real… No
sympathy for the devil; keep that
in mind. Buy the ticket, take the
ride…
HE HEARS THE SOUNDS OF SOMEONE BEHIND BEATEN UP…
VOICE OFF
Shit! Faggot! Bastard!
EXT. NORTH STAR COFFEE LOUNGE – NIGHT
WHACK! SHADOWY FIGURES beat up a MAN — give him A GOOD
KICKING. BRUTAL AND UGLY.
DUKE (V/O)
North Vegas is where you go when
you’ve fucked up once too often on
The Strip and when you’re not even
welcome in the cut-rate Downtown
places.
PAN to reveal a seedy diner — THE NORTH STAR CAFE in the
background. Through the window — DUKE and GONZO sit at the
counter.
INT. NORTH STAR COFFEE LOUNGE – NIGHT
DUKE (V/O)
The North Star Coffee Lounge seemed
like a fairly safe haven from our
storms. No hassles, no talk. Just
a place to rest and regroup. I
wasn’t even hungry.
GONZO stuffs a hamburger down PAYING NO ATTENTION TO THE
BEATING going on outside the window. Duke reads a newspaper.
102.
DUKE (V/O)
There was nothing in the atmosphere
of the North Star to put me on my
guard…
GONZO
(to WAITRESS)
Two glasses of ice water with ice.
The WAITRESS brings the ice water.
DUKE (V/O)
She looked like a burnt out
caricature of Jane Russell. She
was definitely in charge here…
GONZO gulps down his glass of water and hands her a napkin.
DUKE (V/O)
He did it very casually, but I knew
that our peace was about to be
shattered.
DUKE
What was that?
GONZO shrugs.
The WAITRESS stands at the end of the counter with her back
to them while she ponders the napkin… She turns.
WAITRESS
What is this?
GONZO
A napkin.
THE WAITRESS slams the napkin down on the counter.
WAITRESS
Don’t give me that bullshit! I
know what it means! You goddamn
fat pimp bastard.
GONZO
That’s the name of a horse I used
to own. What’s wrong with you?
WAITRESS
You sonofabitch! I take a lot of
shit in this place, but I sure as
hell don’t have to take it off a
SPIC PIMP!
103.
GONZO GOES VERY VERY STILL AT THIS…
DUKE (V/O)
Jesus. I thought, what’s happening?
DUKE picks up the napkin. On it is printed in careful red
letters: “BACK DOOR BEAUTY?”
DUKE (V/O CONT’D)
The question mark was emphasized.
WAITRESS
(screams)
Pay your bill and get the hell out!
You want me to call the cops?
GONZO
Spic pimp?
GONZO’s hand goes inside his shirt. He PULLS OUT THE RAZOR-
SHARP HUNTING KNIFE.
GONZO KEEPS HIS EYES ON THE WAITRESS. He walks about six
feet down the aisle and lifts the receiver of the pay phone.
He SLICES IT OFF, then brings the receiver back to his stool
and sits down.
DUKE (V/O)
I was stupid with shock — not
knowing whether to run or start
laughing.
GONZO
(casual)
How much is the lemon meringue pie?
DUKE (V/O)
Her eyes were turgid with fear, but
her brain was functioning on some
basic motor survival level.
WAITRESS
(blurting — on automatic)
Thirty-five cents!
GONZO
(laughing)
I mean the whole pie.
The WAITRESS MOANS. GONZO places a $5 BILL on the counter.
GONZO
Let’s say five dollars. Okay?
104.
GONZO walks round the counter TAKING THE PIE OUT OF THE
DISPLAY CASE.
DUKE (V/O)
The sight of the blade had triggered
bad memories. The glazed look in
her eyes said her throat had been
cut. She was still in the grip of
paralysis when we left.
DUKE IS ROOTED TO THE SPOT.
GONZO urges him out the door. The camera retreats with them.
The WAITRESS STANDS THERE — PETRIFIED. Alone in a lousy
bar at night.
INT. FLAMINGO HOTEL SUITE – NIGHT
DUKE’s face as he stares at the knife — remembering…
GONZO (V/O)
Drive! Drive! Drive! We have
fifteen fucking minutes to get me
on that plane!
EXT. ROAD ON OUTSKIRTS OF LAS VEGAS – DAY
The WHITE WHALE, looking like shit — it’s TOP HALF UP,
TORN, SLAPPING IN THE WIND — ROARS THROUGH AN INTERSECTION
as the light turns red.
DR. GONZO FRANTICALLY PAWS OVER A MAP.
DUKE drives — SILENT AND FURIOUS — sick to his stomach
with the PSYCHOTIC GONZO.
GONZO
What are you doing? You were
supposed to turn back there!
DUKE (V/O)
We had abused every rule that Vegas
lived by — burning the locals,
abusing the tourists, terrifying
the help. The only chance now, I
felt, was the possibility that we’d
gone to such excess that nobody in
the position to bring the hammer
down on us could possibility
believe it.
DUKE suddenly SLAMS ON THE BRAKES.
105.
GONZO
Jesus Christ!!!
There, crossing the road in front of them, is LUCY — her
paintings under her arm — looking lost. SHE LOOKS UP WITH
A VAGUE SENSE OF RECOGNITION…
DUKE throws the car into a SKIDDING REVERSE TURN AND ROARS
OFF.
EXT. DESERT ROAD OUTSIDE LAS VEGAS – DAY
THE WHITE WHALE TEARS DOWN THE DESERTED FREEWAY. GONZO
looks wildly around.
GONZO
Goddamnit! We’re lost! What are
we doing out here on this
godforsaken road?
GONZO sees that THEY’RE RUNNING PARALLEL WITH THE AIRPORT
RUNWAY.
GONZO
The airport is over there!
DUKE
Never missed a plane yet.
DUKE HITS THE BRAKES and wrenches the wheel — takes the
WHALE down into the grassy freeway divider. WHEELS CHURNING,
HE MAKES IT UP THE OPPOSITE BANK, nose of the car straight
up, then BOUNCES ONTO THE FREEWAY and keeps going right OVER
A FENCE, dragging it through a cactus field and onto the
RUNWAY.
GONZO is FROZEN WITH FEAR — GRIPPING THE DASHBOARD. He
throws a worried look at DUKE.
DUKE
I’ll drop you right next to the
plane.
They SPEED UNDER A PARKED AIRPLANE, SHOUTING ABOVE THE JET
ENGINE SCREAM.
GONZO
No! I can’t get out! They’ll
crucify me. I’ll have to take the
blame!
106.
DUKE
(irritatedly)
Ridiculous! Just say you were
hitchhiking to the airport and I
picked you up. You never saw me
before. Shit, this town is full of
white Cadillac convertibles. I
plan to go through there so fast
that nobody will even glimpse the
goddamn license plate. You ready?
GONZO
Why not? But for Christ’s sake,
just do it fast!
EXT. AT THE AIRPLANE – DAY
DUKE SCREECHES UP in front of the DESERT AIR 727. GONZO
JUMPS OUT — HEADS FOR THE PLANE.
DUKE watches him go — RELENTS.
DUKE
Hey!
GONZO stops — turns.
DUKE
Don’t take any guff from those
swine. Remember, if you have any
trouble you can always send a
telegram to the Right People.
GONZO
Yeah… Explaining my Position.
Some asshole wrote a poem about
that once…
GONZO pauses.
GONZO
Probably good advice, if you have
shit for brains.
GONZO turns and RACES TOWARDS THE STEPS JUST AS HE IS ABOUT
TO ENTER THE PLANE HE PAUSES AND LOOKS BACK…SMILES…AND
LEANS FORWARD AND VOMITS.
DUKE (V/O)
There he goes — one of God’s own
prototypes — a high powered mutant
of some kind never even considered
for mass production. Too weird to
live and too rare to die.
107.
DUKE watches for a second then ROARS AWAY. PULL BACK WITH
THE WHITE SHARK — LEAVING THE AIRPLANE FAR BEHIND.
INT. FLAMINGO HOTEL SUITE/APOCALYPSE – NIGHT
On the TV an airplane soars thru the sky. Pull back to find
DUKE barricaded in GONZO’S BEDROOM. He is typing on his
typewriter.
DUKE
We are all wired into a survival
trip now. No more of the speed
that fueled that 60’s. That was
the fatal flaw in Tim Leary’s trip.
He crashed around America selling
“consciousness expansion” without
ever giving a thought to the grim
meat-hook realities that were lying
in wait for all the people who took
him seriously…
DUKE records like A WAR CORRESPONDENT. The CAMERA slowly
rises — DUKE alone in the room with the TV SPEWING OUT
IMAGES OF WARS AND CIVIL UNREST OF THE 90’S.
DUKE
All those pathetically eager acid
freaks who thought they could buy
Peace and Understanding for three
bucks a hit. But their loss and
failure is ours too. What Leary
took down with him was the central
illusion of a whole life-style that
he helped create…
RISING HIGHER — THE WALLS OF THE ROOM APPEAR TO BY 20 TO 30
FEET HIGH. DUKE SEEMS TO BE AT THE BOTTOM OF A WELL… THE
CAMERA RISES UP THROUGH BROKEN TIMBERS…
DUKE
… a generation of permanent
cripples, failed seekers, who never
understood the essential old-mystic
fallacy of the Acid Culture: the
desperate assumption that somebody…
or at least some force — is
tending the light at the end of the
tunnel.
HIGHER STILL — DUKE ALONE IN THE ROOM — AN ISOLATED BOX
SURROUNDED BY THE TWISTED METAL AND RUBBLE AND SMASHED NEON
SIGNS OF THE DEAD CITY — A BLASTED LANDSCAPE WITHOUT
LIGHT — SHARDS OF A CIVILIZATION.
108.
EXT. DESERT HIGHWAY – DAY
A BURNING FLARED-OUT SUN. The camera pans down to DUKE
DRIVING THE WRECKED WHALE. A piece of the fence flies out
of the back seat as he takes a bump.
DUKE (V/O)
There was only one road back to L.A.
US Interstate 15, just a flat-out
high speed burn through Baker and
Barstow and Berdoo, then on to the
Hollywood Freeway straight into
frantic oblivion: safety, obscurity,
just another freak in the Freak
Kingdom.
DUKE sees THE HARDWARE BARN, A RUSTIC OLD FARM BUILDING
facing the road with a single gas pump outside and a neon
sign that flashes beer.
DUKE
Ahhh. Wonderful.
DUKE PULLS OFF THE ROAD and parks. Gets out and walks in.
INT. HARDWARE BARN – BAKER, CALIFORNIA – DAY
DUKE enters the DARK, CLUTTERED INTERIOR. Scattered all
about the store are BITS OF AMERICANA… OLD BARRELS, WAGON
WHEELS, WOODEN YOKES. A STUFFED HORSE HANGS FROM THE
RAFTERS. The sunlight shafts through high windows. AN OLD
MAN is repairing an iron pot-bellied stove near the wooden
bar. A NORMAN ROCKWELL PAINTING… ONLY REAL.
PROPRIETOR
What’ll you have?
DUKE can’t quite believe this place — too good to be true.
DUKE
(doubtfully)
Ballantine Ale…?
THE PROPRIETOR serves the ale up ice cold. DUKE SMILES AND
RELAXES.
DUKE
Hard to find it served like this
anymore.
As he drinks, DUKE toys with a rack of key chains — LITTLE
AMERICAN ICONS… A REMINGTON COWBOY, A BUGS BUNNY, A TWEETY
PIE, BETTY BOOP, A BASEBALL PLAYER. The logo on the rack
reads: AMERICAN DREAM KEY RINGS.
109.
PROPRIETOR
Where ya comin’ from, young man?
DUKE
Las Vegas.
PROPRIETOR
A great town, that Vegas. I bet
you had good luck there. You’re
the type.
DUKE
I know. I’m a triple Scorpio.
PROPRIETOR
(trustingly)
That’s a fine combination. You
can’t lose.
A LOVELY GIRL appears. Seeing DUKE, she smiles. CAN THIS
REALLY BE HIS LUCKY DAY? She approaches him… and…
KISSES THE PROPRIETOR.
DUKE
(caught off guard… muttering)
Oh, my God!…
PROPRIETOR
(not understanding)
This is my granddaughter…
DUKE
(recovering)
Don’t worry…
(leans forward in confidence)
… and I’m actually the District
Attorney from Ignoto County.
(winks)
Just another good American like
yourself.
A MOMENT. THE PROPRIETOR’S SMILE DISAPPEARS.
Wordlessly the PROPRIETOR and his GRANDDAUGHTER go to the
back of the store — GET ON WITH THEIR WORK — IGNORING DUKE.
WHO FEELS ASHAMED.
DUKE puts some money down on the bar and SLOWLY LEAVES.
EXT. HARDWARE BARN – DAY
A CHASTENED DUKE approaches the vomit streaked WHITE WHALE.
Gets in — sits there — deflated — miserable…
110.
A state bus draws up across from the Hardware Barn.
Somberly, DUKE watches as TWO YOUNG MARINES with duffel bags
step off — chatting like TRUE BROTHERS…
DUKE switches on the ignition. Something rolls off the
trembling dash… DUKE catches it…
ONE SINGLE BEAUTIFUL AMYL CAPSULE…
DUKE CRACKS THE AMYL — INHALES. THE RUSH MAKES HIM GASP —
TEETH BARED LIKE A MADMAN.
DUKE
HOLY SHIT!!!
DUKE GUNS THE ENGINE with a laugh — leans out — YELLS AT
THE MARINES.
DUKE
GOD’S MERCY ON YOU SWINE!
DUKE ROARS AWAY. AN AMERICAN FLAG FLIES UP FROM THE DEBRIS
IN THE BACK SEAT, MADLY UNFURLING ITSELF AS IT SNAGS ON THE
CONVERTIBLE-TOP FRAME OF THE TRASHED WHITE WHALE!
AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
The TWO MARINES look after him CONFUSED.
EXT. DESERT HIGHWAY
DUKE drives fast — TEETH GRITTED IN FROZEN ECSTASY!!
DUKE CRANKS UP THE TAPE RECORDER.
DUKE (V/O)
My heart was filled with joy. I
felt like a monster reincarnation
of Horatio Alger… a man on the
move… and just sick enough to be
totally confident.
The WHITE WHALE WIPES THE SCREEN BLACK.
AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
END
