Hello. Oh, I can’t believe I’m talking to you
in person. This is such an honor. Yes. He’s
right here. Great. So then you know all about
it. Aha. That’s exactly what I’ve been using.
Well, I’ve had a little trouble getting it to
the right consistency. Yeah, right. just a
little. I’ll try that. Well, what imaginative
suggestions! I sure will. Thank you so much.
Bye bye.
(to Edward)
No wonder she’s the head of the company. You
know, she started out as a sales representative
just like me. I’ve always wanted to talk to her
but until now I never had a reason. Thanks,
Edward.
EDWARD
She had some ideas?
PEG
You bet she did.
(At the Airport)
MARGIE
I’ll get that.
MARGIE
Edward! We’re here. Come on. Let’s get you
sharpened up.
JIM
You got it?
KIM
No, I can’t believe this.
(Kim sees Edward coming.)
Do you have a key?
EDWARD
No.
KIM
I could have sworn I put it in here somewhere.
JIM
Well, we’re stranded.
(Edward opens the locked door with
his scissorhands.)
KIM
Wow! Thanks.
JIM
Ed, what a guy! Good job. Hey, you didn’t break
it or scratch it or anything. Hey, be a pal and
yell when Peg pulls in, huh?
TV HOST
Quite a story, yes? Any questions for Edward?
Yeah, get way over. Stand right up.
WOMAN 1
What’s been the best part of your new life here
in town?
EDWARD
The friends I’ve made.
TV HOST
Any other questions?
WOMAN 2
Have you ever thought of having corrective
surgery or prosthetics? I know a doctor that
might be able to help you.
EDWARD
I’d like to meet him.
TV HOST
We’ll give that name after the show. Thank you
very much. That’s very nice. Anyone else? Yes,
stand right up.
WOMAN 3
But if you had regular hands you’d be like
everyone else.
EDWARD
Yes, I know.
TV HOST
I think he’d like that.
WOMAN 4
Then no one would think you’re special. You
wouldn’t be on TV or anything.
PEG
No matter what, Edward will always special.
TV HOST
More questions? Stand right up.
WOMAN 5
Your work is so interesting distinctive and
unique. Do you have plans to open your own
beauty salon?
TV HOST
There’s an idea. Anyone else? Yeah.
WOMAN 6
Do you have a girl friend? Ahh.
(Living room in Peg’s)
JIM
Sure, he does. Right, Kim?
KIM
Now you got him started.
JIM
Knock it off, bubble- butt.
KEVIN
You did it.
JIM
So?
(On the TV Show)
TV HOST
How about it? Is there some special lady in
your life?
TV HOST
Uh, everything’s all right. He’ll take a break
and we’ll be right back after these messages.
KIM
Why are you laughing? He got hurt.
JIM
It was a little shock. Ha! Ha! Ha!
KIM
A little shock?
JIM
I wish we’d been taping that. I’d give my left
nut to see that again.
(Edward in beauty salon)
JOYCE
Aren’t you excited? Oh, this is just so
thrilling. Wait till I show it to you. It’s
just perfect. It’s just what we’ve been looking
for. I want to call it “Shear Heaven.” Here we
are. No, all along here I’m going to put a row
of new mirrors. Back up here a whole row of new
cosmetics.
(TV 1/4)
All along this row here.
EDWARD
Peg could sell cosmetics.
JOYCE
Sure. This is where I stand when I greet the
customers. Back in here is what I really want
to show you. This is the storeroom for
supplies. What I need from you today is to help
me make a decision. Don’t, that’s dangerous.
You just sit down right there. I have some
smocks. Would you like me to model them? This
is my favorite because it’s yellow. And what
it’s for is to catch itchy little trimming that
fall down your neck. Then there’s this old
purple one, you know, you kind of drape around
you like this.
EDWARD
I like that one.
JOYCE
You’re trembling. So am I. I’ve been waiting
for this moment for so long. Edward! Edward,
you come back here! You can’t do that!
(In the Restaurant)
BILL
Veloro. Veloro. Sweetheart. That hangs on the
dash board.
PEG
I’ve never seen that.
EDWARD
Sorry I’m late.
PEG
Hi, Edward. Sorry. We had to go ahead without
you. Here you go.
BILL
So, Edward, did you have a productive day?
EDWARD
Mrs. Monroe showed me where the salon is going
to be. You could have a cosmetic counter.
PEG
Wouldn’t that be great?
BILL
Great.
EDWARD
And then she showed me the back room where she
took all of her clothes off.
BILL
Edward. I can’t tell you how thrilled I am.
I’m just as pleased as Punch. This whole beauty
parlor, that’s what’s going to teach you
volumes. There’s nothing like running your own
business. I’ve never done it myself, but from
what I gather it’s the greatest satisfaction a
working man can have. So I guess the bank is
going to be your next step, huh?
EDWARD
The bank?
BILL
Yeah, take out a loan. Get yourself started.
Nothing to worry about. With your talent and
reputation, it’s going to be a snap. Now.
BANK CLERK
No credit, no record of jobs you’ve held, no
savings, no personal investment, no social
security number. You may as well not even
exist. There is no collateral.
PEG
You know. We already have a second on the
house, but don’t the testimonials make a
difference? Did you see here, the mayor’s wife
can’t wait to become a client?
BANK CLERK
We simply can’t do it. Now get yourself a
social security card. Establish credit and buy
yourself a car. You have the side to advantage.
You can get one of those handicapped placards.
No problem. Park anywhere you like.
PEG
I can’t believe it. Really, it’s just an
outrage. Don’t you worry. This isn’t the end of
it. We’ll get your money somewhere.
KIM
But that’s breaking and entering.
JIM
Look. My parents have insurance up the rear.
Okay? And all it will cost them is a little
hassle. That’s about it. In a week my dad will
have new and better everything.
KIM
We can’t.
JIM
Look. There’s a guy who will give us cash for
the stuff.
KIM
Jim, I don’t want to.
JIM
Well, do you want to ride around in a van like
Denny’s, and we could be by ourselves whenever
we like? With a mattress in the back?
KIM
Why can’t you just do it?
JIM
Because my father keeps the damn room locked,
and we need Edward to get us in.
KIM
Why can’t you take the key like when he’s
sleeping or something?
JIM
Look, you don’t understand, everything he
handcuffs or ties will do anything for you.
KIM
What do you mean? That’s not true.
JIM
Oh, no? Why don’t you ask him?
KIM
That’s not fair.
JIM
What’s fair got to do with it? There isn’t any
other way.
KIM
There got to be.
JIM
Look. I’ve racked my brain. Don’t you want us
to have our own van?
KIM
Yeah. Jim, the lights are on.
JIM
Those go on automatically. They’ve gone for the
weekend. I told you. That’s right.
DENNY
This burglar scared.
KIM
You turned off the alarm. Am I right?
JIM
Yes, everything, come on. Let’s go. Come on.
KIM
I can’t believe this is happening.
A GIRL
Are you sure he doesn’t know this is Jim’s
house?
KIM
He’s never been here.
EDWARD
This person stole from you?
JIM
Keep your voice down. I told you he stole it.
Right? Come on. Let’s go.
EDWARD
His parents will make him give it back.
JIM
Listen, I’ve already tried that. The guy’s
parents are like he is. Okay? Now, you told Kim
you’d do this. Well, come on. Let’s go. Come
on. Come on. Come on.
(Edward picks the lock and the
door opens, but when he steps into
the room the alarm works and the
door shuts.)
JIM
The bastard had it wired separately. Come on.
KIM
No, Jim. We can’t just leave him here.
POLICEMAN
We know you’re in there.
OFFICER ALLEN
We’re in the process of deactivating the system
so that you can come out.
KIM
Denny, turn around!
JIM
No way!
KIM
Jim, it’s your house. They can’t arrest you for
setting off your own alarm. We’ll just tell
them we were breaking in.
JIM
I’m not going back there. Okay?
KIM
We have to go back.
JIM
No, because my father will prosecute.
KIM
His own son?
JIM
Especially his own son. If Edward tells, I’ll
kill him.
KIM
Denny, turn around.
JIM
No.
KIM
Turn around. We have to.
OFFICER ALLEN
Put your hands high in the air so we can see
them. Put your hands up!
POLICEMAN
(to Allen)
He’s got something in his hands. Looks like
knives.
OFFICER ALLEN
Drop your weapon I repeat. Drop your weapon.
I’ll ask you one more time and this is your
last warning. Drop your weapon. If you fail to
do so, we’ll have to open fire. Don’t make us
do that, please. Drop your weapons. Drop them.
Now. Looks like we got a psycho. Prepare to
fire.
(Neighbors gather and ask not to
fire.)
A WOMAN
Please. We know him.
OFFICER ALLEN
Alright, cuff him.
(At police station)
PEG
But can we see him now?
POLICEMAN
We’ll have to hold him overnight for
observation.
PEG
He has to stay in prison all night?
POLICEMAN
Pick him up in the morning.
(criminal investigation section in
police station)
PEG
Oh, Edward. Hello Edward, dear. I blame myself.
BILL
(to Edward)
What in god’s name was going through your mind,
son?
PEG
Why don’t I set a better example? You saw how I
envied Jim’s parents, their money.
BILL
What were you going to do with that stuff?
PEG
Oh, I blithely say, “We’ll get money for the
salon somehow.” But I never meant stealing.
Stealing’s not the way to get it. Stealing’s
not the way to get anything.
BILL
Except trouble. And you’re in a heap of that.
PEG
Why ever did you do this?
OFFICER ALLEN
Will he be okay, Doc?
PSYCHOLOGIST
The years in spent isolation have not equipped
him with the tools necessary to judge right
from wrong. He’s had no context. He’s been
completely without guidance. Furthermore his
work, the garden sculptures, hair styles, and
so forth. Indicate that he’s a highly
imaginative.
OFFICER ALLEN
Character.
PSYCHOLOGIST
It seems clear that his awareness of what we
call reality is radically underdeveloped.
OFFICER ALLEN
But will he be all right out there?
PSYCHOLOGIST
Oh, yeah. He’ll be fine.
OFFICER ALLEN
(to Edward)
Listen. It could keep me up all night worrying
about you. Watch yourself.
(roadside)
MARGIE
I heard this noise and ran out in my bathrobe.
JOYCE
All along I felt in my gut. There was something
wrong with him.
MARGIE
It could have been my house.
HELEN
It could have been any of our houses.
ESMERALDA
I warned you, didn’t I? I saw the sign of satan
on him. You didn’t heed my warning. but now
you will because now you see it too.
(Reporters approach Edward and
Peg.)
PEG
Edward. You stay here.
REPORTER
What do you say in your defense?
EDWARD
Nothing.
PEG
He didn’t want to talk.
REPORTER
You have to say something.
PEG
He can’t talk right now.
REPORTER
No comments? No remarks?
REPORTER
(to Edward)
So were you set up? What was going through your
mind? One comment.
PEG
We have to get in the house. We don’t want to
talk to you. We’ll talk to you later.
REPORTER
One comment.
