JOHNNY-DEPP.org

Jack Mickler

No.

Marilyn Mickler

Over the long run, it…

Jack Mickler

No, fire, no heat… no heat, no life. That’s, that’s the equation.

Marilyn Mickler

No, no, Jack. May I assume that the upshot of all this is that you will not be easing gracefully into retirement?

Jack Mickler

You’re God damn right, baby. Er, what am I gonna retire from? Life? Listen, we haven’t started yet. This is a twelve rounder, and this is the
third round, and you and I are gonna go outta here like Haley’s comet.

Marilyn Mickler

Jack.

Jack Mickler

I can’t…

Marilyn Mickler

Listen to me, what is going on? You’ve been funny lately, you… Com eon, you gotta tell me, Jack.

Jack Mickler

It’s no secret. I don’t know. I, I, I’ve been feeling… I’ve been treating this kid, lately. He thinks he’s Don Juan and he’s got a costume.
He’s got a sword and a mask and, er…

Marilyn Mickler

And so who is he really?

Jack Mickler

I don’t know. But he’s erm, he’s getting to me. God damn, you’re a great broad really.

Marilyn Mickler

I know.

Jack Mickler

Uh-oh. This is gonna be a good one. Oh, Jesus.

Marilyn Mickler

Ouch!

Jack Mickler

Not there, honey.

Marilyn Mickler

Oh, wait, I’m sorry.

Jack Mickler

Ouch!

Marilyn Mickler

Oh, sorry.

Jack Mickler

Damn. What is that, your hair comb?

Marilyn Mickler

Ow! Ow!

Jack Mickler

Now wait a minute, I’m the one that’s injured here.

Don Juan (voice)

At every instant we fell into each other’s arms. Time stopped for those four months. There was neither day nor night. Just my love and hers.
As for Don Alfonso, he spent so much time away handling the details of his trading business, that I was practically able to live in Dona Julia’s house.
I truly believed I had found everlasting paradise. Until one night…

Don Alfonso

Dona Julia! My sweet bird! Where is he? Where have you hidden him?

Dona Julia

For God’s sake, Don Alfonso. What sort of drunken fit has seized you? How dare you suspect me! Me, who the thought of infidelity would surely kill?
Oh, yes, search and search and search. Heap insult on insult, you ungrateful, perjurous, barbarous man. Are you quite satisfied now?

Don Alfonso

I will kill this man. My sword, where is my sword?

Don Juan

He’s going to kill me. He’s going to kill me.

Dona Julia

Quick, go out the garden gate. Oh!

Don Alfonso

I will kill you.

Don Juan (voice)

It was the last I was ever to see of my tutor, the lovely Dona Julia. In great remorse she left that night and was never to be heard of again.
Son Alfonso was humiliated that he had been cuckold by a sixteen year old boy. So to retaliate, he announced publicly that he and my mother had
been having an affair for many years. It was, of course, a bald-faced and terrible lie. My father was quick to defend my mother’s virtue. I have
no doubt, my father would have easily prevailed, were it not for one fatal mistake… he looked up at my mother’s eyes, and it was, too late.

Dona Inez

Don Juan! Oh, God, I will lose them both!

Don Juan

You have killed my father, now you must kill me. Forgive me, father.

Don Antonio

I’ll always forgive you. You are my son.

Don Juan (voice)

And so it was that my father, the great swordsman, Don Antonio, died in my mother’s arms and so her tears fell upon him.

Don Juan

That evening, to hide my shame for ever, I placed the mask upon my face, and vowed never to remove it in the presence of another. My father left
me too soon, Don Octavio. I never had the chance to…

Jack Mickler

Oh, great.

Delivery Man

Hi. You Doctor Mickler?

Jack Mickler

That’s right.

Delivery Man

Sign here.

Jack Mickler

Would you just hold that for a second? Hello, dear.

Marilyn Mickler

Jack? So, Jack… what’s the occasion?

Waiter

Excuse me, ma’am.

Jack Mickler

You’re the occasion.

Marilyn Mickler

Oh, really, Jack. I mean, are you sure there’s no, er… Oh, oh. Beautiful.

Woman

Excuse me, ma’am.

Marilyn Mickler

Jack.

Don Juan

Buenos Dias, el Capitan.

Gloria

Buenos Dias, el Capitan.

Paul Showalter

Where’s Rocco?

Don Juan

Ah, Rocco, he has moved to Madrid.

Paul Showalter

Madrid?

Don Juan

Si.

Paul Showalter

Spain?

Don Juan

Si.

Jack Mickler

Then, he feels so guilty, he feels so overcome with shame, that he puts on this mask and he vows never to take his mask off again as long as he lives.
Now, is that a perfect myth or not?

Paul Showalter

It’s wonderful. It’s a wonderful story. You know, Jack, this kid, this kid is remarkable, you’re right. And it is, it’s like a Greek myth.
It’s exactly like a Greek myth. The son becomes potent, sexually active, leads to the destruction of his father, who he replaces as of course he must,
he must someday to become a man. But the guilt of replacing the man who, loved him and gave him life, it’s too great. It’s enormous. It’s just…
So he must hide it by wearing a mask. It’s time to put the kid on meds, Jack.

Jack Mickler

You want to drive this kid nuts? Fill him full of anti-psychotic chemicals, and in forty-eight hours you’re gonna have a nut-case that you are not
ever gonna forget for the rest of your life.

Paul Showalter

I’m telling you, Jack. He is a schizophrenic. He is not Don Juan.

Jack Mickler

How do you know he’s not Don Juan? I’ve been with the kid, I know…

Paul Showalter

Has he ever told you, Jack, in any of his sessions, that he’s been living with his grandmother in Queens? Has he ever told you?

Jack Mickler

We did… I… I…

Paul Showalter

Has he mentioned it to you?

Jack Mickler

Details like that, it’s…

Paul Showalter

I got a call about an hour ago from the department. Now, please, Jack, put the boy on medication.

Jack Mickler

Paul, you don’t…

Paul Showalter

Jack!

Jack Mickler

…understand…

Paul Showalter

Please! Take it easy, he is your patient. You got five, Jack. You got five days.

Jack Mickler

I am pissed off at you.

Paul Showalter

Now, don’t forget, we’re barbequing Saturday.

Jack Mickler

Really pissed off.

Grandmother

Yes?

Jack Mickler

Er, Mrs De Marco?

Grandmother

Hello?

Jack Mickler

Yes, this is Doctor Mickler. You remember we spoke on the phone about your grandson, I wanted to have a…

Grandmother

Dona Ana, she’s all he talks about. He waits for the mailman every day like he’s delivering canolli. See, the boy’s convinced he’s found his one
true love. He’s worse than his father, Tony, the dance-king of Astoria.

Jack Mickler

This is his father?

Grandmother

Yeah.

Jack Mickler

He won a prize for dancing?

Grandmother

You never heard of him?

Jack Mickler

Did his father sell pharmaceuticals?

Grandmother

What? Tony? Oh, Tony couldn’t sell a boat to a drowning man. No, he worked for a dry-cleaning concern. He did drapes, and, and sofas.

Jack Mickler

Is his father still alive?

Grandmother

Oh, no. Didn’t Gerry tell you anything? Tony died in, in, in a terrible car crash. It was five years ago.

Jack Mickler

In Mexico?

Grandmother

In Phoenix.

Jack Mickler

They never lived in Mexico?

Grandmother

No, never.

Jack Mickler

Well, where is his mother now?

Grandmother

Oh, I couldn’t tell ya, we were never what you might call close.

Jack Mickler

Mrs De Marco, how often did you see your grandson when he was, er, growing up?

Grandmother

Only once. Gerry was six.

Jack Mickler

Do you mean that that’s the only time you saw Gerry in your entire life?

Grandmother

Up till, till three months ago. I, er… I opened the door… and there was Zorro.

Jack Mickler

I’ve just seen your grandmother. She’s got the bizarre impression that you’re name is, um, Gerald De Marco. You grew up in Phoenix, Arizona, and
that your father died in a car crash.

Don Juan

Interesting fantasy. But I suppose if it makes her happy… it is harmless enough.

Jack Mickler

She told me something else. She told me that your father worked in a dry-cleaning establishment.

Don Juan

Oh, look, you want me to tell you some crazy story like my grandmother, so you will think I’m sane. If that is what it takes for me to get out of
this place, I will be happy to do it. But there is a rumour that you are supposed to be a psychiatrist…

Jack Mickler

I’ve heard that rumour too.

Don Juan

Well, can you not tell when you meet a woman who’s completely insane?

Jack Mickler

Are you saying that your grandmother made this all up?

Don Juan

In so many words, yes. She hated my mother, but it’s not unusual, because my grandmother hated everybody. So we stayed as far away from her as
possible.

Jack Mickler

In Phoenix, Arizona.

Don Juan

In Mexico.

Jack Mickler

Er, you mean, you never lived in Phoenix, Arizona?

Don Juan

No, I never lived in Phoenix, Arizona.

Jack Mickler

What about your father’s death?

Don Juan

I have told you how my father died, Don Octavio.

Jack Mickler

Her name is… I’m not going to take it away from you. I just want to point out her name is Chelsea Stokeler, it says it right there.

Don Juan

They never use their real names. She is really my Dona Ana. She’s trying to teach me a lesson.

Jack Mickler

You know I… I once treated a young man, about your age, and, er, he fell in love, oddly enough with, er, a girl on a poster. And he was very
insecure about women. And, er, he tried to contact her, oh, he must have called the magazine a hundred times. Till finally, someone at the magazine
took pity on him and gave him her number. So he called her, and they had a one minute conversation, and she let him know, she never wanted to speak
to him again.

Don Juan

And then what happened?

Jack Mickler

What happened next? He tried to kill himself, is what happened.

Don Juan

Dona Ana is real, Don Octavio. Would you like to hear about her?

Jack Mickler

I suppose so.

Don Juan (voice)

Shortly after the death of my father, my mother decided that it would be best to send me to Cadiz. As though a voyage at sea would purify me. She,herself had determined to take her vows at the Convent of Santa Maria, where she is a nun to this day. I was being sent forth like a dove of promise.
Of, course, what my mother never knew was that the ship was run by scoundrels. Instead of Cadiz, they set sail for an obscure Arabian Sultanate,
where all the passengers were immediately sold into slavery.

Jack Mickler

You were sold into slavery? In a Sultan’s kingdom?

Don Juan

That’s correct. I was purchased by one of the four wives of a Sultan, and led off by her eunuch. Though I had no idea why I was made to dress as
a female, my mask had been replaced by a mask of another sort, and so I supposed I was still keeping the vow I made to hide my face. The Sultan had
a harem of fifteen-hundred young women, so the demands he placed on his wives were relatively minor. I was presented to the Sultana. I still did
not know why I was required to be in drag.

Sultana Gulbeyaz

You may rise. And you may go. You may stay.

Don Juan (voice)

Slowly I began to develop a theory why I had been brought to the Sultana. But, I still loved Dona Julia.

Don Juan

I am sorry, I love another.

Sultana Gulbeyaz

Undress!

Don Juan

Kill me if you must, I am prepared to die, for I cannot go on living, knowing that I defiled the memory of the woman, who brought my manhood alive,
and made it sing.

Sultana Gulbeyaz

It sings?

Don Juan (voice)

I was prepared to lose my life, rather than debase my love. How could I be unfaithful to my dear Dona Julia, who had nearly given up her life tolove me? How could I sleep with another woman after giving myself, body and soul, to sweet Dona Julia? How could I forsake the purity of love, I
had with my flower, Dona Julia? Actually, I was surprised at how easily the past can be overcome.

Don Juan

You know, my friend, until this afternoon I had always believed that a man could love only one woman. I have been badly misled. It is absolutely
incredible to me that, just a few hours ago, Dona Julia was the only woman who existed. And now, now there is the magnificent Sultana Gulbeyaz.
What a glorious body, breasts…

Baba

Will you please…

Don Juan

Breasts…

Baba

Shut up.

Don Juan (voice)

Suddenly I was struck by the danger of my situation. I prayed they had found a place to hide me where I wouldn’t be discovered by the Sultan.
As fortune would have it, their solution was a brilliant one. It was God’s canvas, in all its natural beauty. For the next two years, my days were
spent with the Sultana…

Jack Mickler

And your nights?

Don Juan (voice)

My nights were spent with the fifteen-hundred young women of the Sultan’s harem.

Sultana Gulbeyaz

Come. Come to me my little cockatoo.

Don Juan (voice)

At the end of two years, I noticed that I didn’t have the same enthusiasm as before.

Baba

This could be a problem.

Sultan

You may rise, my little dove. I want her in my chambers.

Don Juan (voice)

Oh well, all good things must come to an end. Gulbeyaz, sensing the danger to us both, arranged for me to depart within the hour. I had learned to
love in a thousand ways. Each one a lesson in the soul of a woman. I knew I would miss every one of them. They stole my spirit and infused me with
joy like a May day breaking.

Jack Mickler

I would, er, I would like to hear this in complete detail, but there’s something that I must do now. So, I, I was wondering if we could continue this
tomorrow?

Don Juan

Of course.

Jack Mickler

Good. Thank you.

Don Juan

Hasta Manyana.