The Libertine
Transcript written by and used with the courtesey of Angela Sugden
Lord Rochester Allow me to be frank at the commencement. You will not like me. The gentlemen will be envious and the ladies will be repelled. You will not like me now and you will like me a good deal less as we go on. Ladies, an announcement. I am up for it. All the time. That id not a boast or an opinion. It is bone-hard medical fact. I put it round, you know. And you will watch me putting it round and sigh for it. Don’t. It is a deal of trouble for you, and you are better off watching and drawing your conclusions from a distance, than you would be if I got my tarse up your petticoats. Gentlemen, do not despair. I am up for that as well. And the same warning applies. Still your cheesy erections till I’ve had my say, but later when you shag, and later you will shag, I shall expect it of you, and I will know if you have let me down. I wish you to shag with my homuncular image rattling in your gonads. Feel. . . how it was for me, how it is for me. And ponder. Was that shudder the same shudder he sensed? Did he know something more profound? Or is there some wall of wretchedness that we all batter with our heads at that shining live-long moment? That is it. That is my prologue. Nothing in rhyme. No protestations of modesty. You were not expecting that, I hope. I am John Wilmot. Second Earl of Rochester. And I do not want you to like me.
Man 1 Wrens’ upset. The clergy approved the most conventional design for the cathedral. Now he feels there’s no room for artistic manoeuvre.
King Put a sub-clause in the warrant ‘Variations in the design are to be ornamental rather than essential’. Then he can do what he wants. Next.
Man 1 There are representations for you to be more careful in public.
Man 2 Perhaps a bodyguard.
King Whose idea is that?
Man 2 Your brother.
King Ha! No-one’s going to kill me if it means having him on the throne. Next.
Man 1 Danby says the army is costing too much. It’s Danby’s job to balance the books.
King If he thinks it’s good economics to disband the army and be invaded by the French, he can look for another position. Anything else?
Man 2 You asked me to remind you about the Earl of Rochester.
King When did I banish him?
Man 2 Three months ago.
King For how long?
Man 2 A year.
King Bring him back. Now.
J’s Mother John. Be attentive to your wife. She’s not accustomed to London.
John Mother, I shall in all things endeavour to serve her and you.
J’s Mother Serve God.
John You must not fear London.
Elizabeth It is not London I fear. You abducted me in a coach like this when I was still a virgin heiress.
John And did you like abduction?
Elizabeth Passionately.
John Speak of it.
Elizabeth John! This is not the place.
John Speak to me of abduction.
Elizabeth I was eighteen. And worth two and a half thousand a year. You ambushed me, bundled me from my coach, and drove me away. The King thrust you in the Tower for it. And I dug in my heels and spurned and shunned the other men. I would only embrace my dear abductor.
George Dryden’s new play. Here, Chas, grab a wodge.
Charles Dryden couldn’t write a laundry list.
Man Rochester!
Charles Johnny!
George Johnny. We were pining for you. Even now we’re pining.
John When I wake in the country, I dream of being in London, and then when I get here, it’s full of people like you.
George Johnny.
John This reign’s a shambles, do you not think? My father risked life and limb hiding that thing Charles up an oak tree.
George Has he forgiven you?
John Oh, he’s forgiven me. I shan’t forgive him.
George Why did he banish you this time?
John Well, it is a fine morning, I’m walking through the galleries. The King is walking through the galleries. I’m splendidly alone. The King is surrounded by a slow-moving troop, of Mediterraneans.
Charles The wife’s family.
John And he must make show of me. ‘Behold, the Earl of Rochester, the wit. The poet. Pray, let us have some of your muse’. What am I to do? Then I recall in my pocket I have a sketch of something rustic with nymphs. I pull it out and deliver. “In the Isle of Britain, long since famous grown For breeding the best cunts in Christendom.” Rat me, thinks I, this is not the piece of paper I had supposed. The King’s eyes are more piercing than I can remember. The jaws of his entourage are decidedly earthbound. This piece of paper is not covered merely with the thump and slop of congress. This poem is an attack on the monarch itself. Culminating in depiction of the royal mistress striving to flog the flaccid royal member into a state of excitement. “This you’d believe had I but time to tell you, The pains it cost to poor laborious Nelly. Whilst she employs hands, fingers, mouth and thighs, Ere she can raise the member she enjoys. All monarchs I hate, and the thrones they sit on, From the hector of France to the cully of Britain.”
George It’s damn good, though, Johnny.
John Course it’s good. That’s not the point. The point is he couldn’t appreciate it. It took me nearly an hour to write it, just to please him. Three months in the fucking country at the height of the season. Missed all the good plays.
George Boring old Rowley. We love you, Johnny. Give us a stanza and we’ll laugh in the King’s place.
John To Etherege, I drink a pledge. His life has run the gamut. He’s penned nought good since She Would If She Could. He would if he could, but he cannot.
George Well, Johnny, it is a damn well said thing, but it ain’t true, do you see?
John Oh, but it is true, Georgie. You think you can still enjoy the town’s esteem for something you wrote seven years ago. You can’t be promising for ever, George. Sooner or later you must do something.
George But that’s what I’m saying. I have written a new play.
John Oh. Written a new play has he? All those afternoons he was pretending to slope off and roger his mistress like a decent chap, he was lurking in his rooms, poking away at a play. That is disgusting, George.
Charles Disgusting and shameful.
John What’s it about, your play? A satire on Dryden?
George Pox o’ Dryden. It’s about you.
John And in your play, do you tell the truth about me?
George Well, I’ve attempted to show you. . .
John Yes?
George Well, I enjoy your company.
John You’ve made me endearing.
George Well, only the public can. . .
John Don’t smarm around, George.
George You’re an endearing sort of. . . chap.
John So you haven’t told the truth. Good. We don’t want to go frightening people. Now, how about a real play?
Charles The Duke’s have the new Otway.
John Oh, I have high hopes of young Tom Otway. Let me finish him off, sir.
Master This fellow is my servant. He has just filched two shillings from my coat pocket.
John A thief and a rogue.
Master My lord, you express it.
John Haven’t quite got the hang of the reign yet, have you?
Master I will not employ a thief.
John Then I will. How much was your master paying you?
Alcock Six shillings a week, sir.
John Who talks of thieving? George, give him five pounds. Buy a brown livery and report to me at the Duke’s Theatre.
Master He will steal your gold.
John I hope so. If he turned honest after coming into my orbit, then I am not the malicious planet I had hoped. Now begone, sir.
Tailor And er. . . how will your lordship be paying?
John Credit. I only use coin vulgarised with the monarch’s head for transactions with servants.
Tailor I am ever your humble servant.
John No, Mr Ratcliffe, you are the very prince of drapery.
Tailor The prince is always happy to see the King’s head.
John But hot to carry it around in his pocket.
Tailor Credit then.
George Billy. Join us. Johnny. This is Billy Downs. Billy, this is the Earl of Rochester.
John How old are you, Mr Downs?
Billy Eighteen, my lord.
John Young man, you will die of this company. Do not laugh. I’m serious. Mr Ratcliffe, this hangs very well.
Billy My lord, I saw you just now with the gent’s servant.
John Do you think I dispensed wisely in the matter?
Billy If the fool run off with the gold, then you prove a point, but at your loss. If he return in your livery, then you’ve gained a servant who is a known cheat. So you prove a different point, but again at your own expense.
John You summarise well, Mr Downs. And in such a manner, I deduce you were trained at one of the ‘count the angels on a pinhead’ Cambridge colleges. King’s, was it not?
Billy It was, my lord.
John King’s, yes. And yet you do not draw the moral of the incident.
Billy Which is?
John That any experiment of interest in life will be carried out at your own expense. Mark it well.
Alcock My lord! My Lord Rochester.
John You’ve come back.
Alcock In your livery, my lord.
John Then you are turned honest. I cannot support that.
Alcock I regret the deed’s honesty. My Lord. But I considered that if I performed it and fell into your service, I would have more. . . enjoyment of life.
John You see, this fellow has the hang of the reign. I like this fellow exceedingly. What is your name?
Alcock Alcock.
George Like master, like servant.
John Well, Alcock, you shall drink and shag more than any serving man in the kingdom. Go at once and spend the rest of the money on a whore, a large, greasy one. Then when you are done, return here to me. Now begone.
Man 1 Rochester!
Woman 1 Disgrace!
Man 1 Rochester! Rochester! Missed you, Lord Rochester! He is risen! My Lord!
Woman 2 My Lord!
Man 2 Impertinent bastard!
Man 3 Johnny! My Lord Rochester!
Man 4 Rochester, you are a cunt, sir!
Woman 3 I smell a rotten odour.
Woman 4 I’ll suck it for you, Johnny, if you promise not to marry me!
Woman 5 Johnny said ‘cunt’ to the King!
Charles I’m going to brazen my arse at them.
George They’ve all seen it.
Charles Well, they can bloody well put up with it again.
Woman 5 Johnny said ‘cunt’ to the King!
All Johnny said ‘cunt’ to the King! Johnny said ‘cunt’ to the King! Johnny said ‘cunt’ to the King! Johnny said ‘cunt’ to the King!
Jane My Lord.
John Dear Jane.
Jane Give you your first London spurt of the summer.
John I brought the wife with me.
Jane Bit of a waste. Shooting good jism up the lawful.
Mr Harris Ladies and gallants all, the King!
John Oh, freeze my piss, if the royal finger ain’t beckoning me. How exciting. Did you miss me?
Jane I missed the money.
John Good. Don’t like a whore with sentiment.
King I could have ignored your poem, Johnny, but I made a fuss about it for a reason. I won’t hide anything from you. The country’s on the brink. People are still reeling from the fire, the plague. The Catholics are plotting, the Dutch are a bunch of bastards. And the French are ten times worse, and there’s no money. I can only get funds by crawling to parliament or plotting against them. And I don’t want to lock antlers with them head on in the way my father did.
John ‘Head on’. That’s quite good.
King When you first came to court, Johnny, you were a boy of eighteen. A certain flippancy, a whiff of impertinence. This was acceptable. But we’re ten years down the road and the view is different. The tone has to change. I have to look responsible, sober. I want you with me. That’s why I brought you back. I want you to take on a new role.
John Here? In the playhouse?
King No, the House of Lords. Your father spirited me out of England when my life was at stake, so I looked after him and after you.
John You put me in the Tower.
King And I let you out. The time has come for you to pay your dues. People listen to you, Johnny. If you took your seat in the Lords, you could make great speeches that would influence events. Anyone can oppose. It’s fun to be against things. But there comes a time when you have to start being for things as well.
John Your Majesty.
Woman Mr Etherege. Take a nibble?
George I’ve had my dinner, thank you, madam.
Billy George.
Lizzie Is this thy plighted faith? Is this thy truth? Oh, too unkind! False and unconstant youth! Madam, believe not but my brother’s just.
John Who’s she?
George She’s Lizzie Barry. And she just won’t do.
Lizzie You wrong his honour by this mean distrust.
Man Louder!
John Well.
Actress That does alleviate my griefs and give my wearied soul a soft and kind reprieve. Which ever to forget would be as hard and as impossible as to reward.
Lizzie Serving you my happiness secures. Since equally with yours my hopes are crossed.
Audience Get off.
Lizzie Of all but sorry and sad despair.
Molly Lizzie. Lizzie! On stage. You must take your bow for the public. Why do you insist in doing the opposite of what you are told? If girls like you do not do what they are told, then it is all up with our sex on the stage. You cannot ignore the advice of them that know! Now, acknowledge your audience.
Lizzie They can kiss my arse.
Charles She’s a good fuck, but she costs. She gives a nice gobble, but she won’t do the full wibbly-wobbly.
George She does it with me.
Charles She does not! Mary, if I may say so a statuesque performance.
George Bursting with Grecian promise.
Mr Harris Mrs Barry, the work we did beforehand, did it mean nothing to you/
Lizzie That is correct, Mr Harris.
Mr Harris Molly, I cannot tech those who will not be disposed to learn. Mr Etherege, how do you do, sir?
George Well, Mr Harris.
Mr Harris Was my Lord Rochester in with you?
George Darted off.
Mr Harris Did you care for the play?
George The play was well enough.
Billy Most of the acting, too.
John Mrs Barry.
Molly She has been dismissed.
John I bring word from Mt Betterton.
Lizzie I’ve had such already.
John This is quite another.
Lizzie You have obtained a reprieve for me.
John Yes, madam, but there is a price. This is your first season on the London stage.
Lizzie It is, my lord.
John Mrs Barry, you must acquire the trick of ignoring those who do not like you. In my experience, those who do not like you fall into two categories, the stupid and the envious. The stupid will like you in five years’ time, the envious never. With my training, you will become the best, the most fascinating actress on the London Stage. I shall come to the theatre tomorrow.
George What are you up to, Johnny? She can’t act.
Billy She has neither the cadence of the heroic nor the posture.
John I will wager you twenty guineas she will become the finest actress on our stage.
Charles This is the prick talking, not the head. Knob her and have done.
John Is it a wager?
George My dear friend, you do not have twenty guineas.
John Is it a wager?
Charles We’ve missed the fuck. Can we get a drink?
Billy There’s a new toping house hard by called Deaf Marion’s.
George Ah, the Cambridge boy knows his books by heart. Lead on, King’s.
John Alcock.
Alcock My lord.
John Something rotten has got into my guts.
Alcock I trust it is not me, my lord.
John No, Alcock, it is not. Not yet.
Elizabeth We should mark the front lawn at Adderbury for pall-mall. I had always thought it a foolish game.
John Depends on who you play with.
Elizabeth The King plays with a common prostitute, not his wife.
John The Portuguese have little flair for outdoor pursuits. Except navigating, of course.
Elizabeth I mean that the etiquette of it is singular.
John I know what you mean.
Elizabeth You must always be ace, king and jack, my dear. But heaven has not disposed your cards so.
George Johnny! It’s your shot!
John I’m not playing!
King Oh, but you are, John. You are if I say you are. The most advanced scientific instrument in western Europe. It cost £60,000. It tells the time in every corner of the globe. Understand? That is achievement. The man who did that was not continually pissed for the last three years.
John What do you want from me?
King Writing something profound that will stand as a monument to my reign. You’re my literary giant. Dryden? Plodder. But look what he’s achieved. Elizabeth had her Shakespeare. You can be mine. Give me a major work of literature and I’ll give you five hundred guineas.
John When would you like it? Friday?
King Don’t fuck it up, John. I love you.
Molly Mrs Barry! I cannot let you have long. I must prepare Tamburlaine. There’s a great deal of setting up.
John Mrs Barry.
Molly . . . And a great deal of taking down.
Lizzie My Lord Rochester.
John I’m come as I said I would.
Lizzie Would you have me lift my skirt? Or do you have a mind to raise it by your own endeavours?
John I’m come to train you. . . in your acting.
Lizzie So you said when we first met, but your reputation being what it is, I thought you meant something different.
John I have, I hope, many reputations. I am come, I say, to train you in your stage acting.
Lizzie Never in my life have I heard you spoken of as an actor.
John That does not deter me from spreading my insights to others.
Lizzie I thought it would not.
John Then we shall begin. You are familiar with the plays of Mr Etherege?
Lizzie There are but two, my lord.
John Not for long, I fear. The Comical Revenge or Love In A Tub. Have you seen Mrs Betterton playing Garciana?
Lizzie Yes, I’m her understudy.
John Indeed. Act Two, Scene Two. I shall play Beaufort. Graciana, why do you condemn your love? Your beauty without that, alas, would prove but my destruction. An unlucky star prognosticating ruin and despair.
Lizzie You mistake. ‘Tis not my love I blame, but my discretion. Here the active flame should yet a longer time have been concealed. Too soon, too soon I fear it was revealed. Our weaker sex glories in surprise. We boast the sudden conquests of our eyes. But men esteem a foe that dares contend. One that with noble courage does defend a wounded heart. The victories they gain, they prize by their own hazard and their pain.
John That was not Elizabeth Barry. That was Mrs Betterton.
Lizzie An understudy must imitate, not create.
John Yesterday you created.
Lizzie Yesterday I was dismissed.
John But you played truthfully.
Lizzie It costs too much to play the truth.
John I do not think you have considered this speech at all.
Lizzie Well, how would you have me do it?
John Let us consider now. What does it mean, that speech that Mrs Betterton mangled so?
Lizzie Graciana means that she has given away the secrets of her heart too freely. Something that a gentlewoman must not do to a gentleman.
John Why not?
Lizzie Because men will take love for granted and then not prize it.
John And is our author right? Do you believe that?
Lizzie I believe men are hurdles that must be negotiated.
John Is that all? Do you never feel passion for us?
Lizzie I’ve counterfeited passion in gentlemen’s beds if that is your meaning.
John Counterfeit will not serve you on the stage.
Lizzie Yesterday I was jeered and taunted by four hundred ruffians. I know that will not serve me.
John And so you will take their word against both of ours and traffic in falsehood from now on?
Lizzie I don’t know.
John Then let us gain knowledge. To the speech again. You played it sweetly. Graciana is not innocent or she would not have such insight. If you had ever loved a man, you would say that speech with regret. Because you would fear the loss of him.
Lizzie And supposing I have loved?
John Then show me in the speech.
Lizzie Sir, you mistake. ‘Tis not my love I blame, but my discretion. Here the active flame should yet a longer time have been concealed. Too soon, too soon I fear it was revealed. Our weaker sex glories in surprise. We boast the sudden conquests of our eyes. But men esteem a foe that dares contend. One that with noble courage does defend a wounded heart. The victories they gain, they prize by their own hazard and their pain. Well? Was there improvement?
John Did you think so?
Lizzie I wish to know your thoughts.
John It was better. But now you’re too angry.
Lizzie Of course I’m fucking angry! You walk into this theatre in tour thirty shilling boots telling me how I should set about my work! I warn you, I have a temper. And I have been known to strike out with the first object at hand. Well, and if that be a property blade, some have sharper edges than is needful, so have a care.
John Ahhh. To die onstage at the hands of a beautiful woman.
Lizzie I am no such!
John I think I can make you an actress of truth, not a creature of artifice. I can do this. But I cannot train you unless you give a little towards me.
Lizzie It’s not in my nature to give. I have my talent and I’m jealous of it. And though I give you credit that you and you alone in all the town have seen it, I am not so dazzled by the lord and master in you that I cannot resent you. Yes. You are right. I am intent on doing something that no other has yet done. And I lost my purpose yesterday with fear of the pit. But I will conquer them. And it shall not be said when I have my fame and my two pounds a week that Lord Rochester took to me and touched me with the shining wing of his genius and so turned me into a little corner of his greatness. No! I shall be valued for me. And for what I knew I could do upon this stage! And for what I, Lizzie Barry. . . how I. . . I took the heat of my own soul and moulded it and turned it into a wondrous thing and so triumphed.
John If I can help you to that triumph, I am not so devoted to the trumpeting of my own works that I would wish to take credit.
Lizzie So you say now. But in the ale house, when the play is done, and the talk is of my Cleopatra, will you not glide towards your cronies with a ‘I taught her that piece of business’ or ‘She could not be heard in the gallery until I instructed her in a trick or two’?
John Madam, I offer my services. If you see no advantage in them, they can as easy be withdrawn.
Lizzie You could buy my slit for a pound a night, sir. I would not mind that. But I think you would not have it so. What I think you want is power over me, which I do bridle at. For it is only I who can do what you say I can do. If you wish to play a part in this, I would strongly know why.
John Ask yourself what you want from the theatre.
Lizzie I want the passionate love of my audience. I want when I make a sweep of my arm to carry their hearts away. And for when I die, for them to sigh for never seeing me again. ‘Till the next afternoon.
John There is your answer. I want to be one of that multitude. I wish to be moved. I cannot feel in life. I must have others do it for me here in the theatre.
Lizzie You are spoken of as a man with a stomach for life.
John I am the cynic of our golden age. This bounteous dish, which our great Charles and our great God have, more or less in equal measure, placed before us, sets my teeth permanently on edge. Life has no purpose. It is everywhere undone by arbitrariness. I do this and it matters not a jot if I do the opposite. But in a playhouse, every action, good or bad, has it’s consequences. Drop a handkerchief and it will return to smother you. The theatre is my drug. And my illness is so far advanced that my physic must be of the highest quality.
Lizzie Oh, my lord, on these conditions, I endeavour to do what you want.
John What I want is that we meet again tomorrow to consider Ophelia.
Lizzie Ophelia?
John Mr Betterton will revive hamlet next month and you will play Ophelia.
Lizzie Ophelia then if you wish. But let us not neglect the lesson in Mr Etherege’s speech.
John And what is that?
Lizzie That women should ever view men with suspicion.
John I shall be happy to return and address our work with that instruction written on the inside of my skull. Do me now.
Jane How?
John Mouth. Trembling, confused, despairing, limber, dry, A wishing, weak, unmoving lump I lie. This. . . dart of love, whose piercing point, oft tried, With virgin blood ten thousand maids have dyed, Now languid lies in this unhappy hour. Shrunk up. . . and sapless, like a withered flower.
Jane I have a feeling this is going nowhere.
John I have that feeling too. I’ve met this woman. Lizzie Barry.
Jane That new actress? She ain’t no looker.
John There is spirit in her.
Jane When a gent sees the spirit and not the eyes or the tits, then a gent is in trouble.
John Would you call me a cynic, Jane?
Jane I would call you a man who pretends to like life more than he does.
John Is that a cynic?
Jane I’m just a moll-sack. I don’t do questions.
John If I am a cynic, how have I fallen in love with a plain woman, whom I do not know?
Jane You saw her on stage. All the colours and them poems they say. Gives them a glow. You’ve seen her out of the theatre?
John No.
Jane Well, then it’s not her. It’s the theatre. That, or. . .
John Or what?
Jane They say men fall three times. First is calf love. Second is the one you marry.
John And third?
Jane Third. . . Third is your deathbed bride. You sniff her, you sniff your own shroud.
John Ah. How you have cheered me.
Jane Go home and sleep.
John I don’t want to sleep.
Jane Then go home and think.
John I don’t ever want to think again.
Jane John. Don’t make me care for you. I’d rather you came your fetch over my face than leave me with that, a lump of caring. Now go home and forget.
John (voice) Much wine had passed with grave discourse Of who fucks who and who does worse. When I, who still take care to see Drunkenness relieved by lechery, Went our into St. James’s Park To cool my head and fire my heart. But though St. James has the honour on’t, ‘Tis consecrate to prick and cunt. There, by a most incestuous birth, Strange woods spring from the teeming earth. And nightly now, beneath their shade, Are buggeries, rapes and incests made.
John Mr Huysmans. Perhaps a bottle and a glass would be handsome adornments to your composition?
Mr Huysmans They are not appropriate objects in a family portrait, my lord.
John Mr Huysmans, here is another thought. You see that monkey yonder dancing to the fiddle? Can’t help but notice how human these creatures are. I would sit that monkey on a pile of solemn volumes, and place in her hand a scrap of paper as if it were a poem she’d just written, do you see? And while she is offering the poem to me, I am crowning her with the bays.
Mr Huysmans I find Lady Rochester a more elegant and interesting subject.
John You are wide of the point, sir. Elegance, interest, all very well in their way. But what do they illuminate?
Elizabeth Am I not then an apt partner for you to sit with?
John You are apt, Elizabeth. You are very apt.
Elizabeth But you would rather be painted with a monkey?
John It is of a muchness. You are both apt in your different ways. In this portrait I am no better than a monkey who knows the names of his ancestors.
Elizabeth And I?
John A gaudy female monkey, gloating over the opulence of your cage. I love London. Everyone catches it’s generous spirit so quickly.
Alcock Indeed.
John I do not mean to upset people, Alcock, but I have to speak my mind, because what is in my mind is always more interesting than what is happening in the world outside my mind.
Alcock Makes you impossible to live with, though, do you see?
John Did I once praise you for your blunt manner?
Alcock It was your reason for employing me.
John It could as easy be your grounds for dismissal. Now, get me the monkey.
Elizabeth John. John, I would bear our marriage more easily if there were no pretence. If I were merely a housekeeper and a conduit for the noble line. But when you’re away you write so beguilingly of how you love me and. . . I do not think you mean to torture me, but it is a torture to be informed of passion from a distance and then in the flesh to be so reviled.
John You know I always mean to be well when we are together, but after a few weeks, I find I have no gift for it. In my mind I am somewhere else.
Elizabeth Then cut me out of your heart completely and have done.
John Do not command me to do something beyond my power.
Elizabeth Is the fault mine? If I were a batter wife. . . would you not need the whorehouse and the inn?
John Every man needs the whorehouse and the inn.
Elizabeth But it’s not the inn or a whore that I see in your eyes. It’s some other creature. The playhouse.
John An actress.
Elizabeth And when your eyes shone the other day, they were shining for her.
John They were.
Elizabeth I see I am more of an obstacle to your London life than I supposed. I’ll be gone by the morning.
Alcock My lord.
John How is Ophelia in this scene?
Lizzie Well, she’s mad. She’s out of her wits.
John There are many ways to be out of your wits.
Lizzie Yes. There’s grief.
John And drink.
Lizzie And love.
John So I hear. These different states, how would you show them?
Lizzie Show them?
John Their physical manifestation. Close your eyes. Close your eyes.
Lizzie O, what a noble mind is here overthrown. The courtier’s, soldier’s, scholar’s, eye, tongue, sword, and I. . .
John Again.
Lizzie O, what a noble mind is here overthrown. The courtier’s, soldier’s. . .
John Again.
Lizzie O, what a noble mind is here overthrown. The courtier’s, soldier’s, scholar’s, eye. . .
John Again.
Lizzie . . . eye, tongue, sword. . .
John Again!
Lizzie O, what a noble mind is here overthrown. The courtier’s, soldier’s, scholar’s. . .
John Again.
Lizzie What was wrong?
John You know what was wrong. Again.
Molly She has done this speech twenty times this afternoon.
John And she will do it twenty more.
Molly No-one has worked like this in the history of the theatre.
John Exactly.
Lizzie O, what a noble mind is here overthrown. The courtier’s, soldier’s, scholar’s, eye, tongue, sword, and I. . . of ladies most deject and wretched. . . that sucked the honey of his music vows. O, what a noble mind is here overthrown. The courtier’s, soldier’s, scholar’s, eye, tongue, sword, and I. . . of ladies most deject and wretched. . . that sucked the honey of his music vows. O, woe is me. To see what I have seen. O, see what I see. And there’s some fennel for you and columbine. And there’s rue for you. And here’s some for me. We may call it herb of grace o’ Sundays. O, but you must wear the rue with a difference. He is gone. He is gone. And we. . . cast away, moan. God have mercy on his soul. And of ye Christian souls. . .
George No-one likes a clever bastard.
Lizzie I pray God. God be wi’ ye.
Mr Harris Well, Lizzie, my congratulations.
Lizzie Thank you, Mr Harris.
Mr Harris Will you take the air with me? I was thinking. . . a drink. Lord Rochester left at the curtain.
Lizzie Then I shall take the air alone. Good night.
Driver Go on!
Alcock My lord.
John Hurry!
Elizabeth John.
John Madam, this driveway will not do.
Elizabeth Good afternoon, my lord. You sent no warning of your arrival.
John The road is not functional and the grounds are a swamp.
Elizabeth If you were here more often, you’d know that Oxfordshire is not a dry county. It is a good thing, if a novelty, that John devote himself to the house. I will not hear him reproved for it.
J’s Mother I understood that he was devoting himself to an engagement in the theatre.
John That would not be appropriate for a man of breeding.
J’s Mother Anyone can drink.
John Only a few can match my determination.
J’s Mother We who are nobility rise above the calls of the flesh.
John It is true. We have our strength of will, do we not?
J’s Mother I hope we do.
John But supposing we are perverse, and use our will to bad ends?
J’s Mother Then we search deep inside ourselves, and we tear out the evil.
John Tear deeper, Mother. Lizzie Barry! Lizzie Barry! Lizzie Barry! I ran away from your love and now I run towards it. Test my love in any way you see fit! Test me! I will not fail!
George Fifteen. Get back some of the money I lost on Lizzie ‘Horse-face’ Barry.
Charles Yes, how is that little caper going, Johnny? I hear she charges by the minute.
George Come on, Johnny. All gentlemen together.
John You’re not a gentleman, George. You were trained as a lawyer. And you write plays for money.
George Oh, yes. And what about your commission from the King? Does that not count?
John That is quite different.
George Different? Of course. May one enquire how the great work progresses? Written the first line yet?
John I, at least, do not plagiarise the wit of my friends and pass it off as my own.
Billy Come on, Johnny, be fair.
John Sit!
Billy What was the wager?
George The wager was fifteen guineas.
Servant My Lord, the actress Elizabeth Barry’s outside.
Charles She will wait.
Servant She’s very insistent.
Charles She is a whore and she will wait! It’s a made hand!
Lizzie I was not good in the play this afternoon. I craved reassurance. All I could think about was you. You see, that is where there is still imbalance between us. Because you demand so much of me and so little of yourself. You took my small gift and polished it until it shone. Yet your own great gift you just throw away. There. You see? I went too far. A trait which in you is fascinating, but in me is a fault.
John And wit was his vain, frivolous pretence, of pleasing others at his own expense. Lizzie Barry.
Lizzie Read me some more.
King The French, I keep coming back to the French. There they are, the envy of Europe.
John They keep a nice class of brothel.
King Of course. They’re a bunch of cunts. That’s not the point. I need money and they can provide it, and I won’t hide it from you, Johnny, things are bad. I can’t get money out of Louis unless I dissolve Parliament and I can’t get money out of Parliament unless I fight Louis.
John Well, choose.
King I need money from both of them.
John You spoke of a big challenge.
King Louis’s sent in a new ambassador. Cultivated type. Here’s my plan. Your great work, we stage it to welcome him to London. Big gesture of friendship. And we show we’re better than they are. A spectacle with some really profound writing. You’re the man for it. Will you do it for me? At Betterton’s next spring when the season’s finished.
John You’re desperate.
King What we need to celebrate is life itself.
John Well, I’m obviously the man for that.
King Good. I’ll send Chiffinch to talk to you about the money. Costumes, settings, something really splendid.
John Splendid, yes. And unusual.
King There, John. Fruit. Fruit from South America. . . growing here. Dazzles the mind. Do you see what can be done with knowledge and application?
John I eat to swive and swive to eat again. (Muttering). Ink! Ink! Bring me ink! Not ‘drink’, lump. Ink! Alcock, did I not leave you in the country?
