JOHNNY-DEPP.org

Elle

When do I begin?

Priest

Give me a moment.

Elle

Padre?

Man 1

It’s a church, over here.

Elle

Sorry.

Man 2

Sssh.

Sands

Are you still standing?

Elle

Still.

Sands

Good. Well the Barillo cartel aren’t the nicest of guys are they? However, you’ve passed the test. You’re gonna do just fine. Assemble your team, and I will call you with further instructions. Over and out. Just walking my beat, friend. Mexico’s my beat. I’m walking it. I throw shapes and they catch ’em. Set ’em up and watch ’em fall. Have him meet me at the bull fight, five p.m.

Boy

Quiere chicle?
(Do you want bubble gum?)

Sands

What?

Boy

Que si quiere chicle.
(I was asking if you want bubble gum)

Sands

Why? Why would I want that? Why would I want bubble-gum?

Boy

Es chicle de menta, sabe muy rico, en serio. Es que tengo una familia que mantener, hermanos, hermanas, papá, mamá, usted sabe.
(It is mint bubble gum, is very good, really. I have a family to look after, brothers, sisters, dad, mom, you know.)

Sands

All right, all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. This, should hold the both of us over for quite a long time. So. . . I don’t ever want to see you again.

Boy

Gracias, Señor.
(Thank you sir)

Sands

Fuck off. Hi.

Ramirez

Hello.

Sands

The CIA sharing a meal with the FBI. Now, if that isn’t inter-agency co-operation, I just don’t know what is.

Ramirez

I’m retired FBI.

Sands

A real agent never retires, he just, just takes it a little easier.

Ramirez

Why are we talking?

Sands

You tracked down Armando Barillo, for two years when he was running his operations out of San Antonio. Is that correct?

Ramirez

Spinning wheels. Never led to an arrest.

Sands

Well, he. . . he is in fact, sitting directly behind you.

Ramirez

I know, he settled back in. He’s been living here for six years. Can’t be touched.

Sands

Did you know that most agents never even see a top ten criminal for their entire careers? You brought down two, didn’t you? And now your third is sitting in very close proximity. Now, retired or not, that has really got to. . . tug on your old short and curlies.

Ramirez

I’m a civilian now.

Sands

Didn’t he kill that agent friend of yours? What was his name? Er, Archulater?

Ramirez

Yes. Barillo’s a Mexican citizen. He can not be extradited for crimes committed in the U.S.

Sands

Did you happen to know of a Dr. Givarah? Worked for the cartel? This doctor, pumped your friend Archulater, full of drugs day after day, so that they could torture him for two weeks before he died. You must have known that. Dr. Givarah himself, having dinner with your prey. I wonder what it is they’re up to now. Two weeks of torture, Jorge. Think about that. For your dead friend. For the job you didn’t finish in San Antonio. Now, are you really going to let it slip away, again? I’d like you to have a bite of my pork, because it’s. . . the world.

Announcer

Y ahora el grupo que todos esperaban, “Los mariachis”. Pidan sus canciones mariachi por tan solo 5 pesos, un beso por 20 pesos, y su cogida de mariachi por solo 50 pesos.
(And now, the group we were all waiting for, “The mariachis”. Ask for your mariachi’s song for just 5 pesos, a kiss for 20 pesos and more time with your mariachi for 50 pesos)

Lorenzo

Dónde diablos haz estado?
(What a hell, where have you been?)

Elle

Muy lejos. Todavia chingando ah.
(Far away, Still with this ah)

Lorenzo

Let me get Fideo.

Elle

I’m here for my guitar.

Lorenzo

Since last night.

Elle

Hey, hey, Fideo, it’s me. Still drinking?

Lorenzo

Like a fish.

Elle

I guess we haven’t changed so much.

Lorenzo

I didn’t thing you’d ever come back for this thing.

Elle

Neither did I.

Lorenzo

Are we on?

Elle

I’ll let you know. Let you know. Get him sober. We’re gonna need him, Sol. Coffee, lots of coffee.

Sands

Sometimes a revolution is exactly what is needed, to clean up the system. One, giant enema, which just so happens to be my area of expertise. Bull fights. Bull hockey. You like this? The bull is stabbed, prodded, beaten, the bull is wounded. The bull is tired, before the matador, ever steps into the ring. Now, is that victory? Of course it is. You know the secret to winning? Creative sportsmanship. In other words. . . one has to rig the game. Go collect.

Cucuy

Ey vamos, dame.
(Come on, give me that)

Aide

The president is giving a speech on the Day of the Dead. In the town of Culiacan. He’s going to be isolated in the main edifisio in the centre of the plaza. Very easy access to him if. . . somebody can get you in.

Sands

Right. You’re the man who can do that.

Aide

I am not the prince. I am the man behind the prince.

Sands

I see.

Aide

Hey, he’s not the first prince I’ve served, nor the first one that I’ve betrayed.

Sands

You’re a good rat. I like you.

Aide

I try.

Sands

The rest upon completion.

Aide

Mucho Gusto.
(Nice to meet you)

Sands

Right, right.

Aide

Every goddamn time.

Carolina

Qué quieres de la vida?
(What do you want from life?)

Sands

Belini, how long have you and I done business together? A long time. And in a way, I kind of, almost, could have the tiniest smidgen of respect for you. Almost. But you need to stop farting around. Now, do you have the information that I need on Barillo, or do you not?

Belini

I have what you need. I’m just enjoying this, temporary position of power. I make you nervous?

Sands

You know that withholding vital information from a federal officer is a serious offence. Especially, when that officer has paid handsomely for it, and wouldn’t think twice about ripping that patch off your eye-hole and skull-fucking you to death.

Belini

Chúpame
(Fuck me)

Waitress

Más café?
(More coffee?)

Sands

No.

Waitress

Uy señor discúlpeme, que pena. Hay Dios mio.
(Sorry sir. Oh my God, I am terribly sorry,)

Sands

I’m fine. Go away.

Waitress

Debe estar muy adolorido, estaba hirviendo el café.
(It must hurt you sir, the coffee was boiling)

Sands

I am fine. Go away. You’re off the hook. Leave me alone. That spill just cost you your life. Little help? I know it’s on you somewhere. Somewhere. All right. Time to get messy. Well, I suppose I should thank you for not sticking it up your ass. However. . . You’re about a quart low.

Ajedrez

You’re gonna pay for that, cop.

Sands

Why doesn’t my key work any more?

Ajedrez

It’s too small.

Sands

Ooh!

Ajedrez

Stand back.

Sands

I just. . . I brought you a gift.

Ajedrez

I’m still mad at you.

Sands

Trust me, it wasn’t easy to get, so. . .

Ajedrez

Come closer and I’ll thank you.

Sands

Are you trying to give me a boner?

Ajedrez

Closer, I said.

Sands

How ’bout that little tip off? Guarantees you a big arrest, and, a commendation. Even from your twisted little agency.

Ajedrez

I’m impressed, but then what?

Sands

Would you like to hear my plan?

Ajedrez

Either that, or I start target practice.

Sands

Okay. The new president, is on a quest to clear out the Barillo cartel. And Barillo has set up a counter-attack, by hiring a military general named Marquez. And he wants him to throw a coup d’etat while the president’s visiting Culiacan. Now, I have a man inside as insurance. Just to make sure that Marquez never takes power. The, last piece of the puzzle, is Barillo. Your tip-off assures that Barillo is out of the picture while the battle ensues. In the aftermath of this very healthy revolution, I will calmly waltz away with the twenty million pesos that Barillo is prepared to pay Marquez for the coup.

Ajedrez

And you want me to go with you?

Sands

You detain Barillo, with the information that you have. And then, er, join me and, and, and share the spoils.

Ajedrez

Estás loco, loquisimo.
(You are crazy, insane)

Sands

You meet me two nights from now, at La Piletta, ten p.m. sharp. And, er, bring only what’s important to you. Oh yeah, it might get a, a wee bit dangerous there, sugar-butt, so, er, can you dig it?

Ajedrez

I can dig it.

Sands

I want my key back.

Ramirez

Testing, one, two, testing.

Sands

Hello, can you hear me now? Okay. Fucking bells. Er, did you assemble your team?

Elle

You know I did. Why are you having me followed?

Sands

Oh, yeah, that. Let’s just call that a guarantee of compliance, shall we? Because Cucuy also provides protection.

Elle

From what? Mosquitoes?

Sands

Oh gosh. I really wouldn’t wanna mess with him if I was you, because he’s a bit of a live wire that one. And he’s not the happiest that you killed his men. Oh, yeah, by the by, I have your next assignment.

Aide

You the mariachis? This is the back entrance, make a note of it.

Soldier

Quiénes son?
(Who are they?)

Aide

Son los músicos
(The musicians)

Soldier

Por qué pesa tanto?
( Why is this so heavy?)

Lorenzo

Tiene amplificación.
(It has amplification)

Soldier

Toca.
(Play)

Elle

All right.

Soldier

Pasen.
(Come in)

Elle

Let’s go.

Aide

I was afraid you couldn’t play.

Elle

Are you kidding?

President

Lo que estamos buscando es el respaldo de la gente de este Estado. Un hombre puede hacer muchas cosas por si solo, pero con el respaldo de su pueblo puede hacer mucho mejor.
(We are searching for the back- up of our people. A man can do lot of things alone, but with the back-up of his people can do it better.)