Benny
Did you see the way you had everyone in the palm of your hand? Huh? You’ve got this gift, and you shouldn’t ignore it, you should be out there doing something with it.
Sam
Like what?
Benny
I don’t know, all I know is I looked at you and I said ‘This guy is something else’. You’re special. You’re not some regular schmoe like the rest of us, who do what we do because we have to do it. You’re blessed.
Sam
Benny?
Benny
What?
Sam
How sick is she?
Benny
She’s plenty sick. Now listen to me, I’ve been doing some thinking.
Sam
Because, you know, it seems to me that, I mean, except from being a little mentally ill, she’s pretty normal, you know?
Benny
Do you realise you could be the next Buster Keeton? I’m telling you, Randy. Listen to me, you’ve got to see this guy. Tell him Eric.
Eric
He’s funny.
Benny
He’s truly amazing. Will you see him?
Randy
Yeah I’ll see him.
Benny
You’ll see him?
Randy
Yeah, you never know. You know most of these guys work locally, but some of them, the better ones, you can book in the out of town clubs.
Benny
You book them out of town?
Randy
I book ’em all over. I book ’em in Detroit, Boston, sometimes LA.
Benny
Whoa! Really? Can you see him tonight?
Randy
I’d love to see him tonight.
Benny
Hi.
Ruthie
Is my car ready?
Benny
How you doing? Oh come on in, come on in. Erm, listen, erm, I want to apologise for the other night. It all came out wrong.
Ruthie
No. No, it’s okay.
Benny
No I do.
Ruthie
How’s my car?
Benny
Oh, it’s running great. Your fuel pump was shot, I threw in a new one. It’s running great.
Ruthie
How much do I owe you?
Benny
Er, I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you just give me thirty bucks for the part, I’m not going to charge you for the labour. All right? Okay?
Ruthie
Yes.
Benny
Listen. If you’re not doing anything later, I just lined up this thing for Sam.
Ruthie
What thing?
Benny
Well it’s kind of like an audition. You know? Maybe his chance to make a living at all this crazy stuff that he does. Who knows? Maybe he could travel, play clubs. I don’t know, you know? So if you’re not doing anything later and you feel like. . .
Ruthie
Er, I don’t know Benny. I got food to deliver, apartments to rent. My life’s pretty complicated right now, you know? Thanks. Bye.
Benny
We’ll lay out the whole routine right after dinner. You know what you could start with? Do you remember the, the roll thing you were doing in the diner?
Joon
Who died and made you Ed McMahon?
Benny
What’s your problem? This is his chance to do something, be somebody.
Joon
He is somebody.
Benny
Yeah I know, but he wants to be more.
Joon
You don’t know what he wants.
Benny
I know he doesn’t want to be a housekeeper for the rest of his life. If you’re worried about getting a new Smail, don’t worry about it, we’ll get a new Smail.
Joon
He’s not my Smail.
Benny
Housekeeper, whatever.
Joon
We have to tell him.
Benny
What? Tell me what?
Sam
Err, Benny. . . Joon. . . and, er. . . and I. . . are, er. . . you know?
Benny
Bullshit. You. . .
Sam
No, no.
Joon
Don’t.
Benny
Get the fuck out!
Joon
You can’t throw him out. I won him.
Benny
Just settle down. You just settle down.
Joon
I love him!
Benny
Yeah? Well you are crazy!
Joon
I am not crazy.
Benny
You see what we’ve come to? You see?
Joon
I hate you. I hate you! I hate you! I hate you, I hate you. I hate you.
Benny
Can I get you, anything?
Joon
Tapioca.
Benny
Tapioca? Okay. Anything on it?
Joon
Raisins.
Benny
Okay.
Joon
Hi.
Benny
Hi. How you doing?
Ruthie
You’re out late.
Benny
Yeah. Listen. Do you have any tapioca?
Ruthie
Jeez Benny, I’ve heard a lot of lines in my life, but. . .
Benny
No, no, no it’s, it’s not for me. It’s, it’s um, for Joon.
Ruthie
Come on in.
Benny
Yeah?
Ruthie
Yeah.
Joon
I don’t hear you. I can’t hear you.
Sam
Joon. Okay?
Joon
Yeah.
Sam
Good, good, good.
Joon
I’m not. No, no, I’m not.
Sam
Okay? All right? Hold tight, okay? Sssh. It’s okay. It’s okay.
Joon
I am not! I am not! I am not!
Sam
Sssh. Sssh. Come on.
Joon
Shut up!
Sam
No, no, no, no. Sssh. Sssh. Joon, please, come on.
Joon
No, it’s not all in my head.
Sam
Sir? Sir! Stop the bus please! Please stop the bus! It’s okay.
Joon
I don’t want to talk to you! No!
Sam
Joon.
Medic
All righty, all righty. You want to step out?
Sam
Yeah okay, okay.
Medic
How you doing hon? Huh?
Joon
You think I don’t know who you are? I know just who you are. So just leave, leave. Leave! Don’t you touch me! Don’t touch me!
Benny
Joon? Joon!
Man
Stay back.
Benny
Look, I am going to see my sister. Now would you please just tell me her room number?
Woman
Please sir, could you just come back in the morning.
Benny
Let me talk to her goddamn doctor!
Social Worker
I’m sorry. She doesn’t want any visitors. Not you or anyone else.
Benny
She doesn’t want to see me?
Social Worker
No, and she doesn’t want to leave. Benny why don’t you go home? Get some sleep. I promise I’ll keep in touch.
Benny
I hope you’re happy. I hope you’re happy with what you have done to her. You just stay, the hell away from my sister.
Sam
No. No.
Benny
Wanna know why everyone laughs at you Sam? Because you’re an idiot. You’re a first-class moron.
Sam
You’re scared, Benny.
Benny
I’m what?
Sam
You’re scared. I can see it. And I know why? I used to look up to you. But. . . now I can’t look at you at all. I think that the Fred Astaire is the way to go.
Woman
Yeah?
Sam
That’s a good choice.
Woman
So, now who was that woman who starred in the Roman. . .
Sam
Audrey Hepburn.
Woman
Yeah. Sam, thanks a lot.
Sam
Have a nice day. Can I help you?
Benny
Yeah, I hope so.
Thomas
Hi, Benny.
Benny
Thomas. How is she? Tell me the truth.
Thomas
She’s been better, Benny.
Benny
All right, well you’ve got to tell me what room she’s in.
Thomas
Three-thirty-five. But don’t even think about it Benny. It’s a closed ward. No visitors.
Sam
No we’ve gotta find Joon. Please.
Benny
Thomas, you’ve gotta get us in there to see her.
Thomas
It’s impossible Benny
Benny
What, what, what do you mean, it’s impossible? Listen, I just need two minutes with her.
Thomas
Benny, I’ll get fired.
Benny
Thomas, I’m begging you, as a friend.
Thomas
I’d love to help out Benny, but Garvey’s going to be in there to check on her soon. My hands are tied. My hands are tied!
Benny
What room did he say?
Sam
Three-three-five.
Benny
Shit. What are you doing?
Sam
Mommy?
Orderly 1
What are you doing here?
Orderly 2
I don’t think you’re supposed to be in here.
Orderly 3
What room did you come out of?
Orderly 1
Get the door. Get the door.
Orderly 3
How’d he get past security?
Orderly 1
Hey, watch the door.
Benny
Joon. Look, I know you want to be left alone, but, you do not belong in here. Now, how would you like to try, living in your own apartment?
Joon
An apartment?
Benny
Yeah. There’s an apartment available in Ruthie’s building.
Joon
You’d let me live in an apartment?
Benny
That’s up to you. I’m through making those decisions for you. Listen, I. . . I’m sorry I was such a jerk. And about Sam, I was wrong. I was dead wrong.
Joon
I scared him away.
Benny
No, you didn’t. He’s here.
Joon
He is not.
Benny
He’s here. He got me in here. He’s somewhere in the building.
Joon
He is not! You’d never let me have him. God. Why do you hate me so much?
Benny
I don’t hate you.
Joon
You need me to be sick.
Social Worker
Juniper Pearl’s chart, please. Thank you.
Thomas
Hey, wait! Wait Wally! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wally put him down. He’s mine. I’ve been looking for him.
Orderly 1
You sure?
Thomas
No, no, it’s okay. Yeah I’ll take care of him. Sam, Sam, Sam, you can’t be in here.
Sam
Where’s Joon’s room?
Thomas
Come on.
Sam
I, I, I’ve got to see her.
Thomas
Come on, come on.
Social Worker
Can you give me any reason why I shouldn’t have you arrested?
Thomas
It’s that one.
Sam
Yeah.
Thomas
See?
Sam
Okay.
Thomas
Sam, where you going?
Social Worker
Benny, this is exactly what we were trying to avoid. By now Joon would be in a caring and controlled environment. Isn’t it obvious now that you two need some distance?
Benny
Why don’t we ask Joon what she wants?
Thomas
Sam what are you doing? Hey Sam come on! Get down right now!
Joon
I don’t know exactly what I want. I do know. . . that I am tired of everyone telling me what to do.
Thomas
Sam, come on down! Don’t touch that. Sam, leave that. I’m begging you.
Social Worker
Joon, we want what’s best for you.
Joon
I know that. I. . .
Thomas
Sam, come down now! Sam, you’re going to get in trouble!
Joon
I think I want to try living in my own apartment.
Social Worker
Hmm, I don’t know.
Thomas
Sam stop swinging!
Social Worker
But I’m willing to let you try. I’ll prepare the papers for her release.
Benny
Thank you Dr Garvey.
Thomas
Come down! Right. . . Sam! Whoa! Whoa! Are you okay?
Sam
Ouch, ouch.
Benny
I know. Me, too. I’m going to check you out. Okay?
Joon
Okay.
Ruthie
Haven’t we tried this before?
Benny
Yeah, but my life’s a lot less complicated now. Is Joon inside?
Ruthie
Yeah.
Benny
Yeah? Okay.
