RED QUEEN
I knew the little pratter wasn’t
as innocent as she appeared. I
should have taken of f her head
when I had the chance. Find her1
Stayn. Find her!
KNAVE OF HEARTS
Calm yourself, Majesty. We’ll
find Alice. I will personally bring
her head and lay it at your feet.
RED QUEEN
No. Bring the whole girl. I want
to do it myself.
He kisses her hand. She sighs. Stayn goes out, glancing at the
Footfrogs who keep their eyes trained safely ahead.
EXT. THE TULGEY WOOD – DAY – CONT.
Alice is still running. She stumbles and falls, looking back
fearfully.
CHESHIRE CAT (0.5.)
There’s nothing after you, if
that’s what you’re worried about.
The voice is coming from the disembodied head of a GRINNING
CAT which hovers above a tree limb. Alice stares, unsure of
her eyes.
ALICE
I must be going mad.
CHESHIRE CAT
Then you should feel right
at home. We’re all mad here.
She winces suddenly from pain. There are deep gashes in her
arm.
ALICE
I thought I was dreaming, but
this couldn’t happen in a dream.
CHESIRE CAT
It looks like you ran afoul of
something with wicked claws.
ALICE
The benner or banner…
CHES IRE CAT
Bandersnatch? You’re lucky to
be alive. I’d better have a look
at that.
The Cat’s head disappears, then he reappears next to her as a
whole cat. CHESStJR is a dapper TABBY, in ascot, waistcoat, and
spats. Always calm and casual, there’s a catlike sensuality
about him. The grin is seductive. He inspects the wound.
CHESIRE CAT (cont.)
The slightest scratch made by the
frumious Bandersnatch will fester
and putrify unless it’s purified
CHESIRE CAT (cont.)
by someone with evaporating skills,
like myself.
He lifts her arm and tries to lick the wound. She pulls back.
ALICE
What are you doing?
CHESIRE CAT
It needs cleaning out.
ALICE
I’d rather you didn’t.
CHES IRE CAT
At least, let me bind it for you.
She allows him to use his handkerchief to bind the wound.
ALICE
I’ve never seen a cat smile
before.
CHESIRE CAT
I sleep all day and carouse all
night. Why would I not be smiling?
(a beat)
What do you call yourself?
ALICE
Alice.
CHESIRE CAT
The Alice?
ALICE
There’s been some debate about
that.
His attitude shifts. He ties the binding tight then steps
back.
CHESHIRE CAT
You’d best be on your way. I make
it a rule never to get involved in
politics.
ALICE
Can you at least show me the
way out of this place?
CHESHIRE CAT
If you are The Alice the only
way out is to slay the Jabber-
wocky. That’s all I’m going to
say about it. But you should talk
to the Hare and Hatter. They’re
the ones to help you. Be off now.
ALICE
Where to? I don’t know the way.
CHESIRE CAT
Fine. I’ll take you there. But
that’s the end of it.
He disappears suddenly. She looks around. He reappears in the
woods ahead.
CHESIRE CAT (cont.)
Come on then.
She hurries to catch up with him.
EXT. THE GARDEN – DAY – LATER
Stayn sits astride his Red Panther as the Knights hold a
growling BLOODHOUND bound by a spiked collar and heavy ropes.
KNAVE OF HEARTS
Find the scent of human girl.
The Bloodhound has an exotic accent.
BLOODHOUND
Find it yourself, ye urpal slackum
scrum.
The Knights jerk the ropes, driving the spikes into his neck.
He growls and snaps.
KNAVE OF HEARTS
Help us find the girl and you will
earn your freedom.
The Bloodhound considers the offer.
BLOODHOUND
For my wife and pups as well?
KNAVE OF HEARTS
Everyone goes home.
The Bloodhound sniffs the ground, picking up Alice’s trail. He
BAYS and runs off. Stayn strokes his panther’s neck.
THE PANTHER
Dogs will believe anything.
EXT. THE CROSSLING – DAY
The Bloodhound sniffs the ground. It howls again following
Alice’s path into the woods.
EXT. THE TULGEY WOODS – DAY – CONT.
As Alice and the Cat proceed, he disappears then reappears
ahead.
CHESIRE CAT
This way.
He disappears again, reappearing ahead.
CHESIRE CAT (cont.)
Over here.
ALICE
Will you stop doing that?
CHESIRE CAT
The Queen’s Knights are everywhere.
I’d like to keep my head if you
don’t mind. Here we are.
EXT. HOUSE OF THE MARCH HARE – DAY
The house is living thing…part hare part house. The chimneys
are ears, the roof is thatched with fur. The picket fence is
rabbit feet…doorknob a bunny tail. Windows are pink rabbit
eyes which look round and blink.
A tea party is in progress in the yard. The MARCH HARE suffers
a mental disorder. He’s slovenly. His nice clothes have gone
to seed and he twitches. The MAD HATTER wears a colorful, odd
admixture of clothing from across time, including the iconic
tattered top hat. He has an intense energy driven by his
passion for the “cause” which lends him a very sexy quality.
He’s the first human Alice has encountered.
34
They’re all laughing at the Dormouse who’s standing at one end
of a long table doing an imitation of Alice’s encounter with
the Bandersnatch.
THE DORMOUSE
“He can’t hurt me…he can’t hurt
me!” He was about to do her in. So
I had to go up there and pop out its
eye. I keep it with me for good luck.
She holds up the Bandersnatch’s eye. They react to the sight
and smell.
MAD HATTER
Put it away, Mallymkun. It’s
frumi ous.
The Hare/house’s window/eyes shift. One ear taps the March
Hare on his head. They turn to see Alice and the Chesire Cat.
THE DORMOUSE
Well, look what the cat dragged in.
MAD HATTER
The very Alice in question.
MARCH HARE
Join us for tea? Are you free
for tea? Tea, anyone?
CHESIRE CAT
I’m not staying.
He disappears.
ALICE
He’s always doing that.
THE DORMOUSE
Don’t we know it.
MAD HATTER
Chessur lives to please himself.
MARCH HARE
(sings)
Only himself, always himself.
Just him, his own self.
The Cat’s reappears, sitting in a chair.
CHESIRE CAT
Fine, a cup of tea then.
