JOHNNY-DEPP.org

Don Juan (voice)

My name is Don Juan De Marco. I am the son of the great swordsman, Antonio Garibaldi De Marco. Who was tragically killed defending the honour of my
mother, the beautiful, Dona Inez Santiago de San Martine. I am the world’s greatest lover. I have made love to over a thousand women.I was
twenty-one last Tuesday.

Doorman

Good evening, sir.

Don Juan

Good evening, Nicholas.

Don Juan (voice)

No woman has ever left my arms unsatisfied. Only one has rejected me. And as fortune would have it, she is the only one who has ever mattered.
This is why, at twenty-one, I had determined to end my life. But first… one final conquest.

Don Juan

May I?

Woman

Um, well actually… I’m expecting a friend, er, he’s been delayed, but he should be here soon.

Don Juan

Well, I will not linger. I am Don Juan.

Woman

That’s very funny. Is there a costume party at the hotel?

Don Juan

No. I am Don Juan. Directly descended from the noblest Spanish family.

Woman

And you seduce women.

Don Juan

No. I, I never take advantage of a woman. I give women pleasure… if they desire it. It is of course, the greatest pleasure they will ever
experience. There are some women… fine featured, a certain texture to the hair, a curve to the ears that, that is sweeps like a turn on a shell.
These women… have fingers, with the same sensitivities as their legs. The fingertips have the same feelings as their feet, and when you
touch their knuckles, it is like passing your hands along their knees. And this, tender, fleshy part of the finger, is the same as brushing your
hands along their thighs. And… finally…

Don Juan (voice)

Every woman is a mystery to be solved. But a woman hides nothing from a true lover. Her skin colour can tell us how to proceed… a hue like the
blush of a rose, pink and pale, and she must be coaxed to open her petals with a warmth like the sun. The pale and dappled skin of the red-head
calls for the lust of a wave crashing to the shore, so we may stir up what lies beneath and bring the foamy delight of love to the surface.
Although there is no metaphor that truly describes making love to a woman… the closest is playing a rare musical instrument. I wonder, does a
Stradivarius violin feel the same rapture as the violinist, when he coaxes a single perfect note from its heart?

Don Juan

Muchas gracias, senorita.

Don Juan (voice)

Every true lover knows that the moment of greatest satisfaction comes when ecstasy is long over. And he beholds before him the flower which has
blossomed beneath his touch.

Man

Sorry I’m late, honey, it was unavoidable. I hope you went ahead without me.

Don Juan (voice)

Oh, well. Now I must die.

Jack Mickler

Hey.

Det. Tobias

Evening, Jack.

Jack Mickler

How you doing, my man? And, er, you’re putting on a little weight in here.

Det. Tobias

Well, you know…

Jack Mickler

What?

Det. Tobias

You and me been going to the same bakery. Sorry to do this to you, Jack. But this is a job that only ‘super-shrink’ can handle. He’s a…
jumper to be reckoned with, I’m telling you.

Jack Mickler

What’s the costume?

Det. Tobias

He’s Don Juan. He, er, wishes to end his life, er, gloriously. He wants us to send our finest swordsman to do battle with him, preferably…
preferably Don Francisco de Silva.

Jack Mickler

Did he, actually say this?

Det. Tobias

Well, he’s up there.

Jack Mickler

How do you get in here?

Det. Tobias

Over here.

Voice

Ready now.

Jack Mickler

Are you sure this is how Freud started?

Det. Tobias

What do I know, I’m just a dumb cop.

Jack Mickler

Very true.

Don Juan

Where is Don Francisco de Silva? I will fight none other.

Jack Mickler

Er…

Don Juan

Where is he?!

Jack Mickler

Don Francisco de Silva left for Majorca on this weekend, but I am his uncle, Don Octavio de Florez.

Don Juan

Oh, this will not do. I must die at the hands of Don Francisco. I am Don Juan De Marco.

Jack Mickler

You… are the Don Juan?

Don Juan

This is correct.

Jack Mickler

Why, with so many successes, does the great Don Juan wish to end his life?

Don Juan

Because there is nothing left to live for.

Jack Mickler

Do you mean to say there is nothing at all?

Don Juan

Not when my Dona Ana is everything.

Jack Mickler

Ah, her name is Dona Ana.

Don Juan

Now you understand why I must die. I ask only that it be at the hands of Don Francisco, so it may be said I died in glory from a worthy opponent.

Jack Mickler

Don Juan, this young woman… Dona Ana, must be very special. I would like so much to hear about her.

Don Juan

Have you ever met a woman who, inspires you to love… until your every sense is filled with her? You inhale her, you taste her, you see your
unborn children in her eyes, and know that your heart has at last found a home. Your life begins with her, and without her, it must surely end.

Jack Mickler

I have no doubt that losing a love like this can be very painful, but, why lose hope along with life? Why lose everything? You must not forget,
my friend, that the power of your love, the power of the love of Don Juan is eternal, and will not be denied.

Don Juan

I apologise… for this unmanly display, Don Octavio.

Jack Mickler

Please.

Don Juan

I accept.

Jack Mickler

Bravo. Bravo.

Security Guard

Hey. Morning Doc.

Jack Mickler

Whit male, aged twenty-one, brought in on a ten day paper after a suicidal gesture. Apparently precipitated by a, break up of a relationship,
and the patient indicates no previous history of suicide, no record of any prior hospitalisation. There’s no record of anything, school, jail,
mother, father, parents. And this kid is… wazako, and is severely delusional… and believes he is somebody else.

Woman Doctor

Anybody we know?

Jack Mickler

Name’s Don Juan. I’m not kidding you.

Paul Showalter

Let’s settle down now, and, er…

Jack Mickler

I’m always the bad boy in these.

Paul Showalter

Jack. Who wants him?

Jack Mickler

I do.

Paul Showalter

Wait a minute.

Jack Mickler

Don’t be exasperated.

Paul Showalter

Jack, wait a minute. Are you not retiring?

Jack Mickler

Of course I’m retiring, but I think this’d make a hell of a swan song.

Paul Showalter

This sounds like a long-term case to me, the way you described it, I’m gonna give it to Bill. Do you have the time?

Bill Dunsmore

Uh-uh.

Jack Mickler.

Er, let’s wait. Hold on one second. Er, no offence, I’d like to discuss this in some detail. Can we do it? Talk about it later?
Is that all right?

Paul Showalter

I look forward to it.

Jack Mickler

I want this kid.

Paul Showalter

Be reasonable. Jack you’re leaving in ten days.

Jack Mickler

Well, so’s the kid.

Paul Showalter

No, no, no, no, no. A delusional patient like this does not get cured in a week and a half. The instant his ten day paper expires, he’ll be
committed. Then we’ll have to transfer him to Bill anyway.

Jack Mickler

If this was a year ago, and I said I could get this kid outta here in ten days, there wouldn’t be any doubt.

Paul Showalter

Well, that’s probably true.

Jack Mickler

Yes, so that’s not the real reason that you’re giving him to Bill.

Paul Showalter

Oh, Jack. You’ve been doing it by the numbers for months now, you know it. You’re burnt out. That’s why you asked for early retirement.
You don’t need more time to travel with Marilyn. So, please, Jack… don’t make my life harder for me than it has to be.

Jack Mickler

How long have I known you? Twenty-five years, we’ve been going around like this.

Paul Showalter

Yes, and during that time, you’re the best damn clinician this place has ever seen. The best. Everybody knows that. But now it’s time…
you know what? It’s time to get away. Where are you going? The pyramids, oh it’s wonderful, all that sand, the sky, those vistas, you’ll have a
wonderful time.

Jack Mickler

I wish you could see your face.

Paul Showalter

Jack! I’m giving him to Bill.

Jack Mickler

This kid is gonna do a flamenco number on Bill’s head, until it looks like a tortilla. And it’s gonna be on your watch.

Bill Dunsmore

Em. Would you, um, would you like to talk about why you attempted to kill yourself?

Don Juan

You want Don Juan De Marco, the world’s greatest lover, to talk to you? What do you know of great love? Have you ever loved a woman… until milk
leaked from her, as though she had just given birth to love itself, and now must feed it or burst? Have you ever tasted a woman, until she believed
that she could be satisfied, only by consuming the tongue that devoured her? Have you ever loved a woman so completely, that the sound of your voice
in her ear, could cause her body to shudder, and explode with such intense pleasure, that only weeping could bring her full release? Where is
Don Octavio de Florez?

Bill Dunsmore

Who? Who?

Don Juan

My host at this villa.

Bill Dunsmore

Villa? Villa?

Don Juan

Villa.

Bill Dunsmore

Villa? Oh, villa?

Don Juan

Si, villa.

Bill Dunsmore

Villa.

Don Juan

Villa.

Bill Dunsmore

Villa.

Don Juan

Where is Don Octavio?

Bill Dunsmore

Do you, do you mean, Doctor Mickler?

Don Juan

Who?

Bill Dunsmore

Erm, why do you think that, erm, Doctor Mickler is, erm, Don Octavio de Florez?

Don Juan

Why do you think that Don Octavio de Florez is Doctor Mickler?

Jack Mickler

Well, hello there, Willy. How are you?

Bill Dunsmore

Don Octavio de Florez?

Jack Mickler

I just said that…

Bill Dunsmore

No! You told him, that you were Don Octavio de Florez.

Jack Mickler

What? Jesus!

Bill Dunsmore

You told a delusional patient, that you were a seventeenth century Spanish nobleman.

Jack Mickler

The idea was to get him in the bucket, right?

Bill Dunsmore

Well, um, he’s all yours… Don.

Jack Mickler

Wait, hey, wait a minute, wait a minute. Did you tell, er, Paul?

Bill Dunsmore

Oh, you bet I did!

Jack Mickler

And what did he say?

Bill Dunsmore

His exact words were, “Jack broke it, let him fix it.”