JOHNNY-DEPP.org

Willie Wonka

Mumbler! Seriously, I cannot understand a single word you’re saying. Okey-dokey. I shall now send a bar of chocolate from one end of the room. . .
to the other, by television. Bring in the chocolate! It’s gotta be real big, ‘cos you know how on TV you can film a regular-size man, and he comes
out looking this tall? Same basic principle.

Charlie

It’s gone!

Willie Wonka

Told you. Now, that bar of chocolate is now rushing through the air above our heads in a million tiny little pieces. Come over here. Come on.
Come on. Come on! Watch the screen. Here it comes. Oh, look. Take it.

Mike

It’s just a picture on a screen.

Willie Wonka

Scaredy-cat. You take it. Go on. Just reach out and grab it. Go on.

Grandpa Joe

Holy buckets.

Willie Wonka

Eat it. Go on. It’ll be delicious. It’s the same bar. It’s just gotten a little smaller on the journey, that’s all.

Charlie

It’s great.

Grandpa Joe

It’s a miracle.

Willie Wonka

So imagine, ah, you’re sitting at home watching television and suddenly a commercial will flash onto the screen, and a voice will say,
“Wonka’s chocolates are the best in the world. If you don’t believe us, try one for yourself.” And you simply reach out. . . and take it.
How about that?

Mr Teavee

So can you send other things? Say, like, breakfast cereal?

Willie Wonka

Do you have any idea what breakfast cereal’s made of? It’s those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners.

Charlie

But could you send it by television if you wanted to?

Willie Wonka

Of course I could.

Mike

What about people?

Willie Wonka

Well, why would I want to send a person? They don’t taste very good at all.

Mike

Don’t you realise what you’ve invented? It’s a teleporter. It’s the most important invention in the history of the world. And all you think
about is chocolate.

Mr Teavee

Calm down, Mike. I think Mr Wonka knows what he’s talking about.

Mike

No, he doesn’t. He has no idea. You think he’s a genius, but he’s an idiot. But I’m not.

Willie Wonka

Hay, little boy. Don’t push my button.

Mr Teavee

He’s gone.

Willie Wonka

Let’s go check the television, see what we get. I sure hope no part of him gets left behind.

Mr Teavee

What do you mean?

Willie Wonka

Well, sometimes only half the little pieces find their way through. If you had to choose only one half of your son, which one would it be?

Mr Teavee

What kind of a question is that?

Willie Wonka

No need to snap. Just a question. Try every channel. I’m starting to feel a little anxious.

Charlie

There he is.

Mr Teavee

Mike.

Oompa-Loompas Sing

The most important thing, That we’ve ever learned, The most important thing we’ve learned, As far as children are concerned, Is never,
never let them near, The television set, Or better still just don’t install, The idiotic thing at all, Never, never let them, Never, never let them,
Never, never let them, Never, never let them, It rots the senses in the head, It keeps imagination dead, It clogs and clutters up the mind, It makes a
child so dull and blind, So dull, so dull, He can no longer understand, A fairy tale, a fairyland, A fairyland, a fairyland, His brain becomes as soft
as cheese, His thinking powers rust and freeze, He cannot think, he only sees. Regarding little Mike Teavee, We very much regret that we, Regret that
we, Shall simply have to wait and see, Wait and see, wait and see, Wait and see, wait and see, wait and see, We very much regret that we, Shall simply
have to wait and see, If we can get him back his height, But if we can’t, It serves him right.

Willy Wonka

Ooh, somebody grab him.

Mike

Help me. Help me.

Willy Wonka

Oh, thank heavens. He’s completely unharmed.

Mr Teavee

Unharmed? What are you talking about?

Mike

Just put me back in the other way.

Willy Wonka

There is no other way. It’s television, not telephone. There’s quite a difference.

Mr Teavee

And what exactly do you propose to do about it?

Willy Wonka

I don’t know. But young men are extremely springy. They stretch like mad. Ah! Let’s go put him in the taffy puller.

Mr Teavee

Taffy puller?!

Willy Wonka

Hey, that was my idea. Boy, is he gonna be skinny. Yeah. Taffy puller. I want you to take Mr Teavee and his… little boy, up to the taffy
puller, okay? Stretch him out. On with the tour. There’s still so much left to see. Now, how many children are left?

Grandpa Joe

Mr Wonka, Charlie’s the only one left now.

Willy Wonka

You mean, you’re the only one?

Charlie

Yes.

Willy Wonka

What happened to the others? Oh, my dear boy, but that mean’s you’ve won. Oh, I do congratulate you. I really do. I’m absolutely delighted.
I had a hunch you know, right from the beginning. Well done. Now, we mustn’t dilly, or dally. Because we have an enormous number of things to do
before the day’s out. But luckily for us, we have the great glass elevator to speed things al. . . Speed things along. Come on.

Charlie

Up and out? What kind of room is that?

Willy Wonka

Hold on. Oh, my goodness. We’re gonna need to go much faster, otherwise we’ll just never break through.

Charlie

Break through what?

Willy Wonka

I’ve been longing to press that button for years. Well, here we go. Up and out!

Grandpa Joe

But do you really mean. . .?

Willy Wonka

Yeah, I do.

Grandpa Joe

But it’s made of glass. It’ll smash into a million pieces.

Mrs Gloop

Augustus, please, don’t eat your fingers.

Augustus

But I taste so good.

Violet

Look, Mother. I’m much more flexible now.

Mrs Beauregarde

Yes, but you’re blue.

Veruca

Daddy, I want a flying glass elevator.

Mr Salt

Veruca, the only thing you’re getting today is a bath, and that’s final.

Veruca

But I want it.

Willy Wonka

Where do you live?

Charlie

Right over there. That little house.

Mrs Bucket

What time do you think they’ll be back?

Mr Bucket

Hard to know, dear.

Grandma Georgina

I think there’s someone at the door.

Charlie

Hi, Mom.

Mrs Bucket

Hi.

Charlie

Mom. Dad. We’re back.

Mr Bucket

Charlie.

Mrs Bucket

Charlie.

Mr Bucket

Goodness.

Charlie

This is Willy Wonka. He gave us a ride home.

Mrs Bucket

I see that.

Willy Wonka

You must be the boy’s. . .

Mr Bucket

Parents?

Willy Wonka

Yeah. That.

Grandpa Joe

He says Charlie’s won something.

Willy Wonka

Not just some something. The most ‘something’ something of any something that’s ever been. I’m gonna give this little boy my entire factory.

Grandpa Joe

You must be joking.

Willy Wonka

No, really. It’s true. Because, you see, a few months ago, I was having my semi-annual haircut. . . and I had the strangest revelation.
In that one silver hair, I saw reflected my life’s work, my factory, my beloved Oompa-Loompas. Who would watch over them after I was gone?
I realised in that moment, ‘I must find and Heir’. And I did, Charlie. You.

Charlie

That’s why you sent out the golden tickets.

Willy Wonka

Ah-ha.

Mrs Bucket

What are Oompa-Loompas?

Willy Wonka

I invited five children to the factory and the one who was the least rotten would be the winner.

Grandpa Joe

That’s you, Charlie.

Willy Wonka

So what do you say? Are you ready to leave all this behind and come live with me at the factory?

Charlie

Sure. Of course. I mean, it’s all right if my family come too?

Willy Wonka

Oh, my dear boy, of course they can’t. You can’t run a chocolate factory with a family hanging over you like an old, dead goose. No offence.

Grandpa George

None taken, jerk.

Willy Wonka

A chocolatier has to run free and solo. He has to follow his dreams. Gosh darn the consequences. Look at me. I had no family, and I’m a giant success.

Charlie

So if I go with you to the factory, I won’t ever see my family again?

Willy Wonka

Yeah. Consider that a bonus.

Charlie

Then I’m not going. I wouldn’t give up my family for anything. Not for all the chocolate in the world.

Willy Wonka

Oh, I see. That’s weird. There’s other candy too besides chocolate.

Charlie

I’m sorry, Mr Wonka. I’m staying here.

Willy Wonka

Wow. Well, that’s just. . . unexpected. . . and weird. But I suppose, in that case, I’ll just. . . Goodbye, then. Sure you won’t change your mind?

Charlie

I’m sure.

Willy Wonka

Okay. Bye.

Grandma Georgina

Things are going to get much better.

Narrator

And for once, Grandma Georgina knew exactly what she was talking about. The next morning, Charlie helped his parents fix the hole in the roof.
Grandpa Joe spent the whole day out of bed. He didn’t feel tired at all. Charlie’s father got a better job at the toothpaste factory. . . repairing
the machine that had replaced him. Things had never been better for the Bucket family. The same could not be said for Willy Wonka.

Willy Wonka

I can’t put my finger on it. Candy’s always been the only thing I was ever certain of and now I’m just not certain at all. I don’t know which
flavours to make. I don’t know which ideas to try. I’m second-guessing my self, which is nuts. I’ve always made whatever candy I felt like, and
I. . . That’s just it, isn’t it? I make the candy I feel like, but now I feel terrible, so the candy’s terrible. You’re very good. Pity about that
chocolate fellow, Wendell, er, Walter.

Charlie

Willy Wonka.

Willy Wonka

That’s the one. Says here in the paper his new candies aren’t selling very well. But I suppose he’s just a rotten egg who deserves it.

Charlie

Yep.

Willy Wonka

Oh, really? You ever met him?

Charlie

I did. I thought he was great at first, but then he didn’t turn out so nice. He also has a funny haircut.

Willy Wonka

I do not!

Charlie

Why are you here?

Willy Wonka

I don’t feel so hot. What makes you feel better when you feel terrible?

Charlie

My family.

Willy Wonka

Euw.

Charlie

What do you have against my family?

Willy Wonka

It’s not just your family. It’s the whole idea of. . . You know, they’re always telling you what to do, what not to do, and it’s not conducive to a
creative atmosphere.

Charlie

Usually they’re just trying to protect you because they love you. If you don’t believe me, you should ask.

Willy Wonka

Ask who? My father? No way. At least, not by myself.

Charlie

You want me to go with you?

Willy Wonka

Hey. Hey, what a good idea. Yeah! And you know what? I got transp. . . I have to be more careful where I park this thing.
I think we’ve got the wrong house.

Wilbur Wonka

Do you have an appointment?

Charlie

No. But he’s overdue.

Wilbur Wonka

Open. Now, let’s see what the damage is, shall we? Heavens. I haven’t seen bicuspids like these since. . . Since. . . Willy?

Willy Wonka

Hi, Dad.

Wilbur Wonka

All these years. . . and you haven’t flossed.

Willy Wonka

Not once.

Narrator

It was on this day that Willy Wonka repeated his offer to Charlie, who accepted on one condition.

Charlie

Sorry we’re late. We were brainstorming.

Grandpa George

Though I heard thunder.

Mr Bucket

You staying for dinner, Willy?

Willy Wonka

Yes, please.

Grandpa Joe

I’ll shuffle the plates.

Grandma Georgina

You smell like peanuts. I love peanuts.

Willy Wonka

Oh, thank you. You smell like. . . old people and soap. I like it.

Grandma Josephine

Elbows off the table, Charlie.

Willy Wonka

How do you feel about little raspberry kites?

Charlie

With licorice instead of string.

Mrs Bucket

Boys, no business at the dinner table.

Charlie

Sorry, Mom.

Willy Wonka

I think you’re on to something, though, Charlie.

Narrator

In the end, Charlie Bucket won a chocolate factory. But Willy Wonka got something even better. . . A family. And one thing was absolutely
certain. . . Life had never been sweeter.