Charlie
It’s great.
Willy Wonka
That’s because it’s mixed by waterfall. The waterfall is most important. Mixes the chocolate, churns it up, makes it light and frothy.
Oh, by the way, no other factory in the world. . .
Oh, by the way, no other factory in the world. . .
Veruca
You already said that.
Willy Wonka
You’re all quite short, aren’t you?
Violet
Well, yeah. We’re children.
Willy Wonka
Well, that’s no excuse. I was never as short as you.
Mike
You were once.
Willy Wonka
Was not. Know why? Because I distinctly remember putting a hat on top of my head. Look at your short little arms. You could never reach.
Charlie
Do you even remember what it was like being a kid?
Willy Wonka
Oh, boy, do I. Do I?
Narrator
In fact, Willy Wonka hadn’t thought about his childhood for years.
Children
Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat!
Woman
Who do we have here? Ruthie, Veronica, Terrance. And who’s that under the sheet? Little Willy Wonka.
Narrator
Willy Wonka was the son of the city’s most famous dentist. . . Wilbur Wonka.
Wilbur Wonka
Now, let’s see what the damage is this year, shall we? Caramels. They’d get stuck in your braces, wouldn’t they? Lollipops.
Ought to be called ‘cavities on a stick’. Then we have all this. . . All this. . . chocolate. You know, just last week, I was reading in a very
important medical journal that some children are allergic to chocolate. Makes their noses itch.
Ought to be called ‘cavities on a stick’. Then we have all this. . . All this. . . chocolate. You know, just last week, I was reading in a very
important medical journal that some children are allergic to chocolate. Makes their noses itch.
Willy Wonka
Maybe I’m not allergic. I could try a piece.
Wilbur Wonka
Really? But why take a chance?
Charlie
Mr Wonka? Mr Wonka? We’re headed for a tunnel.
Willy Wonka
Oh, yeah. Full speed ahead.
Violet
How can they see where they’re going?
Willy Wonka
They can’t. There’s no knowing where they’re going. Switch on the lights! People, keep an eye out. We’re passing some very important rooms here.
Mrs Beauregarde
What do you use hair cream for?
Willy Wonka
To lock in moisture.
Charlie
Whipped cream.
Willy Wonka
Precisely.
Veruca
That doesn’t make sense.
Willy Wonka
For your information, little girl. . . whipped cream isn’t whipped cream at all unless it’s been whipped with whips. Everybody knows that.
Stop the boat. I wanna show you guys something. Now, this is the most important room in the entire factory. Now, everyone, enjoy yourselves,
but just don’t. . . touch anything. Okay? Go on. Go on, scoot.
Stop the boat. I wanna show you guys something. Now, this is the most important room in the entire factory. Now, everyone, enjoy yourselves,
but just don’t. . . touch anything. Okay? Go on. Go on, scoot.
Violet
Hey, Mr Wonka, what’s this?
Willy Wonka
Oh, let me show you. Thank you. These are Everlasting Gobstoppers. They’re for children who are given very little allowance money.
You can suck on it all year, and it’ll never get any smaller. Isn’t that neat?
You can suck on it all year, and it’ll never get any smaller. Isn’t that neat?
Violet
It’s like gum.
Willy Wonka
No. Gum is for chewing. And if you tried chewing one of these Gobstoppers, you’d break all your little teeth off. They sure do taste terrific.
And this is hair toffee. You suck down one of these little boogers, and in exactly half an hour… a brand new crop of hair will start growing out
all over the top of your little noggin. And a mustache. And a beard.
And this is hair toffee. You suck down one of these little boogers, and in exactly half an hour… a brand new crop of hair will start growing out
all over the top of your little noggin. And a mustache. And a beard.
Mike
Who wants a beard?
Willy Wonka
Well… beatniks, for one. Folk singers and motorbike riders. You know, all those hip, jazzy, super-cool, neat, keen and groovy cats.
It’s in the fridge, daddy-o. Are you hep to the jive? Can you dig what I’m laying down? I knew that you could. Slide me some skin, soul brother.
Unfortunately, the mixture isn’t quite right yet. Because an Oompa-Loompa tried some yesterday, and, well, he… How are you today? You look great.
Watch this.
It’s in the fridge, daddy-o. Are you hep to the jive? Can you dig what I’m laying down? I knew that you could. Slide me some skin, soul brother.
Unfortunately, the mixture isn’t quite right yet. Because an Oompa-Loompa tried some yesterday, and, well, he… How are you today? You look great.
Watch this.
Mike
You mean that’s it?
Willy Wonka
Do you even know what ‘it’ is?
Violet
It’s gum.
Willy Wonka
Yeah. It’s a stick of the most amazing and sensational gum in the whole universe. Know why? Know why? ‘Cause this gum is a full
three-course dinner all by itself.
three-course dinner all by itself.
Mr Salt
Why would anyone want that?
Willy Wonka
It will be the end of all kitchens and all cooking. Just a little strip of Wonka’s magic chewing gum and that is all you will ever need at
breakfast, lunch and dinner. This piece of gum happens to be tomato soup, roast beef and blueberry pie.
breakfast, lunch and dinner. This piece of gum happens to be tomato soup, roast beef and blueberry pie.
Grandpa Joe
It sounds great.
Veruca
It sounds weird.
Violet
It sounds like my kinda gum.
Willy Wonka
I, I’d rather you didn’t. There’s still one or two thing that are. . .
Violet
I’m the world-record holder in chewing gum. I’m not afraid of anything.
Mrs Beauregarde
How is it, honey?
Violet
It’s amazing! Tomato soup. I can feel it running down my throat.
Willy Wonka
Yeah. Spit it out.
Grandpa Joe
Young lady, I think you’d better. . .
Violet
It’s changing. Roast beef with baked potato. Crispy skin and butter.
Mrs Beauregarde
Keep chewing, kiddo. My little girl’s gonna be the first person in the world to have a chewing-gum meal.
Willy Wonka
Yeah. I’m just a little concerned about the. . .
Violet
Blueberry pie and ice cream.
Willy Wonka
That part.
Veruca
What’s happening to her nose?
Mr Salt
It’s turning blue.
Mrs Beauregarde
Your whole nose has gone purple.
Violet
What do you mean?
Mrs Beauregarde
Violet, you’re turning violet. What’s happening?
Willy Wonka
Well, I told you I hadn’t got it quite right. ‘Cause it goes a little funny when it gets to the desert. It’s the blueberry pie that does it.
I’m terribly sorry.
I’m terribly sorry.
Violet
Mother? What’s happening to me?
Grandpa Joe
She’s swelling up.
Charlie
Like a blueberry.
Willy Wonka
I’ve tried it on, like, twenty Oompa-Loompas, and each one ended up as a blueberry. It’s just weird.
Mrs Beauregarde
But I can’t have a blueberry as a daughter. How is she supposed to compete?
Veruca
You could put her in a county fair.
Oompa-Loompas Sing
Yeah, yeah, Yeah, Listen close, and listen hard, To the tale of Violet Beauregarde, This gentle girl, She sees no wrong, In chewing, chewing,
chewing, chewing, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long.
Yeah. She goes on chewing till, at last, Her chewing muscles grow so vast, And from her face, Her giant chin, Sticks out like a violin, Chewing,
chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long. For years and years she chews away, Her jaws get stronger every day,
And with one great tremendous chew, They bite the poor girl’s tongue in two, And that is why we try so hard, To save Miss Violet Beauregarde,
Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all
day long, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long.
chewing, chewing, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long.
Yeah. She goes on chewing till, at last, Her chewing muscles grow so vast, And from her face, Her giant chin, Sticks out like a violin, Chewing,
chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long. For years and years she chews away, Her jaws get stronger every day,
And with one great tremendous chew, They bite the poor girl’s tongue in two, And that is why we try so hard, To save Miss Violet Beauregarde,
Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all
day long, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long.
Violet
Mr Wonka!
Willy Wonka
I want you to roll Miss Beauregarde into the boat and take her along to the juicing room at once, okay?
Mrs Beauregarde
The juicing room? What are they gonna do to her there?
Willy Wonka
They’re gonna squeeze her. Like a little pimple. We gotta squeeze all that juice out of her immediately.
Violet
Mother, help me. Please.
Willy Wonka
Come on. Let’s boogie. Without the boat, we’ll have to move double-time just to keep on schedule. There’s far too much to see.
Charlie
Mr Wonka?
Willy Wonka
Yeah?
Charlie
Why did you decide to let people in?
Willy Wonka
Well, so they could see the factory, of course.
Charlie
But why now? And why only five?
Mike
What’s the special prize, and who gets it?
Willy Wonka
The best kind of prize is a sur-prise.
Veruca
Will Violet always be a blueberry?
Willy Wonka
No. Maybe. I don’t know. But that’s what you get from chewing gum all day. It’s just disgusting.
Mike
If you hate gum so much, why do you make it?
Willy Wonka
Once again, you really shouldn’t mumble. ‘Cos it’s kinda starting to bum me out.
Charlie
Can you remember the first candy you ever ate?
Willy Wonka
No.
Narrator
In fact, Willy Wonka did remember the first candy he ever ate.
Willy Wonka
I’m sorry, I was having a flashback.
Mr Salt
I see.
Mr Teavee
These flashbacks happen often?
Willy Wonka
Increasingly. . . today.
Mr Salt
Ah, this is a room I know all about. For you see, Mr Wonka, I, myself, am in the nut business. Are you using the Havermax four thousand to do
your sorting?
your sorting?
Willy Wonka
No. You’re really weird.
Veruca
Squirrels.
Willy Wonka
Yeah. Squirrels. These squirrels are specially trained to get the nuts out of shells.
Mr Salt
You use squirrels? Why not use Oompa-Loompas?
Willy Wonka
Because only squirrels can get the whole walnut out almost every single time. You see how they tap each one with their little knuckles to make
sure it’s not bad? Oh, look. Look. I think that one’s got a bad nut.
sure it’s not bad? Oh, look. Look. I think that one’s got a bad nut.
Veruca
Daddy, I want a squirrel. Get me one of those squirrels. I want one.
Mr Salt
Veruca, dear, you have many marvelous pets.
Veruca
All I’ve got at home is one pony and two dogs and four cats and six rabbits and two parakeets and three canaries and a green parrot and a turtle and
a silly old hamster. I want a squirrel!
a silly old hamster. I want a squirrel!
Mr Salt
All right, pet. Daddy will get you a squirrel just as soon as he possibly can.
Veruca
But I don’t want any old squirrel, I want a trained squirrel.
Mr Salt
Very well. Mr Wonka, how much do you want for one of these squirrels? Name your price.
Willy Wonka
Oh, they’re not for sale. She can’t have one.
Veruca
Daddy.
Willy Wonka
(Impersonates Mr Salt) I’m sorry, darling. Mr Wonka’s being unreasonable.
Veruca
If you won’t get me a squirrel, I’ll get one myself.
Mr Salt
Veruca.
Willy Wonka
Little girl?
Mr Salt
Veruca, come back here at once. Veruca.
Willy Wonka
Little girl? Don’t touch that squirrel’s nuts. It’ll make him crazy.
Veruca
I’ll have you.
Mr Salt
Veruca. Veruca. Veruca!
Willy Wonka
Let’s find the key. Nope. Not that one.
Veruca
Daddy!
Mr Salt
Veruca!
Willy Wonka
No. There it is. There it isn’t.
Veruca
Daddy, I want them to stop.
Charlie
What are they doing?
Willy Wonka
They’re testing to see if she’s a bad nut. Oh, my goodness. She is a bed nut after all.
Mr Salt
Veruca!
Veruca
Daddy!
Mr Salt
Where are they taking her?
Willy Wonka
Where all the other bad nuts go. To the garbage chute.
Mr Salt
Where does the chute go?
Willy Wonka
To the incinerator. But don’t worry. We only light it on Tuesdays.
Mike
Today is Tuesday.
Willy Wonka
Well, there’s always the chance they decided not to light it today. Now, she may be stuck in the chute just below the top. If that’s the case,
all you have to do is just reach in and pull her out. Okay?
all you have to do is just reach in and pull her out. Okay?
Oompa-Loompas Sing
Veruca Salt the little brute, Has just gone down the garbage chute, And she will meet, as she descends, A rather different set of friends,
A rather different set of friends, A rather different set of friends, a fish head, for example, cut, This morning from a halibut, An oyster from an
oyster stew, A steak that no-one else would chew, And lots of other things as well, Each with its rather horrid smell, Horrid smell, These are Veruca’s
newfound friends, That she will meet as she descends, These are Veruca’s newfound friends. Who went and spoiled her, who indeed? Who pandered to her
every need? Who turned her into such a brat? Who are the culprits? Who did that? The guilty ones, now this is sad, Are dear old Mum and loving Dad.
A rather different set of friends, A rather different set of friends, a fish head, for example, cut, This morning from a halibut, An oyster from an
oyster stew, A steak that no-one else would chew, And lots of other things as well, Each with its rather horrid smell, Horrid smell, These are Veruca’s
newfound friends, That she will meet as she descends, These are Veruca’s newfound friends. Who went and spoiled her, who indeed? Who pandered to her
every need? Who turned her into such a brat? Who are the culprits? Who did that? The guilty ones, now this is sad, Are dear old Mum and loving Dad.
Willy Wonka
Oh, really? Oh, good. I’ve just been informed that the incinerator’s broken. So there should be about three weeks of rotten garbage to break their fall.
Mr Teavee
Well, that’s good news.
Willy Wonka
Yeah. Well, let’s keep on trucking. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this earlier. The elevator’s by far the most efficient way to get around
the factory.
the factory.
Mike
There can’t be this many floors.
Willy Wonka
How do you know, Mr Smarty-Pants? And this isn’t just an ordinary up and down elevator, by the way. This elevator can go sideways, longways,
slantways, and any other ways you can think of. You just press any button and, whoosh, you’re off. Oh, look. Look. Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to fudge mountain. Oh… I’d rather not talk about this one. This is the puppet hospital and burn centre. It’s relatively new. Ah, the
administration offices. Hello, Doris.
slantways, and any other ways you can think of. You just press any button and, whoosh, you’re off. Oh, look. Look. Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to fudge mountain. Oh… I’d rather not talk about this one. This is the puppet hospital and burn centre. It’s relatively new. Ah, the
administration offices. Hello, Doris.
Mike
Why is everything here completely pointless?
Charlie
Candy doesn’t have to have a point. That’s why it’s candy.
Mike
It’s stupid.
Wilbur Wonka
Candy is a waste of time. No son of mine is going to be a chocolatier.
Young Willie
Then I’ll run away. To Switzerland. Bavaria. The candy capitals of the world.
Wilbur Wonka
Go ahead. But I won’t be here when you come back.
Guard
Sorry, son. We’re closing for the night.
Mike
I wanna pick a room.
Willie Wonka
Go ahead. Here. Put these on quick, and don’t take them off whatever you do. This light could burn your eyeballs right out of your skulls.
And we certainly don’t want that, now, do we? This is the testing room for my very latest and greatest invention: Television Chocolate.
One day it occurred to me. . . Hey, if television can break up a photograph into millions and millions of tiny little pieces and send it whizzing
through the air, then reassemble it on the other end. . . Why can’t I do the same thing with chocolate? Why can’t I, send a real bar of chocolate
through the television, all ready to be eaten?
And we certainly don’t want that, now, do we? This is the testing room for my very latest and greatest invention: Television Chocolate.
One day it occurred to me. . . Hey, if television can break up a photograph into millions and millions of tiny little pieces and send it whizzing
through the air, then reassemble it on the other end. . . Why can’t I do the same thing with chocolate? Why can’t I, send a real bar of chocolate
through the television, all ready to be eaten?
Oprah Winfrey (TV)
I’m not gonna touch it. I’m not going in that direction.
Mr Teavee
Sounds impossible.
Mike
It is impossible. You don’t understand anything about science. First off, there’s a difference between waves and particles. Duh! Second, theamount of power it would take to convert energy in matter would be like nine atomic bombs.
