ALICE (cont.)
Down again.
Alice shrinks to two feet high, drags her clothes behind
again, runs to the door, puts the key in the lock, opens it
and steps into…
EXT. A GARDEN IN UNDERLAND – DAY
…a fantastical world. tjnderland is bizarre, illogical, often
dangerous, absurd, and strangely beautiful. The garden is
brown and tangled, its statues broken and overgrown, the mossy
fountain is silent. Alice hears a bellow/sneezing sound as a
GREEN PIG dashes past. The TALL FLOWERS have gaunt, haunted
HUMAN FACES. A LIZARD/BADGER with a corkscrew nose pokes it
into a log in a search for food. SHABBY, THIN BIRDS walk on
stalk legs past a bench where a fat DUCHESS sits rocking a PIG
like a baby. DRAGONFLIES, HORSEFLIES and ENORMOUS GNATS do
fierce battle in the sky above. Alice is transfixed, not by
fear, but fascination.
ALICE
Curiouser and curiouser.
WHITE RABBIT
I told you she’s the right
Alice.
She turns to see A DODO BIRD with eye glasses and a walking
stick, a female DORMOUSE in breeches; a DUCKBILLED PLATYPUS,
the WHITE RABBIT and two round BOYS with their arms thrown
over each others shoulders. They all study her critically.
THE DORMOUSE
I’m not convinced.
The White Rabbit throws up his hands.
WHITE RABBIT
Well, that’s gratitude for you! You
cannot know how difficult it was to
find her. Trailing one Alice after
the next for weeks on end…not to
mention almost being eaten by large
drooling creatures waving meat
cleavers at me. And you would not
believe how uncivilized the animals
WHITE RABBIT (CONT.)
are up there. They wander around entirely
unclothed, growling and barking and
yipping. And they do their.. .ahem…
shukm in public. Can you imagine? I
had to avert my eyes! I’m still very
upset by the entire experience.
THE DODO
Let’s have a look at her.
The Dodo removes his glasses to study Alice.
THE DODO
She could be the right Alice.
The TWEEDLES have Dee and Dum embroidered on their collars.
TWEEDLEDEE
And if she was, she might be.
TWEEDLEDUM
But if she isn’t, she ain’t.
TWEEDLEDEE
But if she were so, she would be.
TWEEDLEDUM
But she isn’t. Nohow.
ALICE
But you don’t even know me.
Dum shakes her hand, speaking very fast.
TWEEDLEDEE
How d’ye do? I’m Tweedleehe’s
Tweedledum.
TWEEDLEDUM
Contrariwise. I ‘mTweedledum
he ‘sTweedledee.
TWE EDLEDUM
And who are you?
ALICE
Alice.
He points an accusing finger at her.
TWEEDLEDtJM
Wrong!
Dee shakes her hand.
TWEEDLEDEE
How dye do? Wrong Alice.
ALICE
How can I be the ‘wrong Alice”
when this is dream?
DOflO
We should consult the Oraculum.
THE PLATYPUS
Eggsactually.
TWEEDLEDEE
I’ll fetch it.
Tweedledee runs off.
TWEEflLEDUT1
No. I will.
Tweedledum grabs him and pulls him back.
TWEEDLEDEE
No, I will!
Dum grabs flee and drags him back. Then flee drags flum, then flum
drags flee. This goes on, neither of them getting anywhere.
DORMOUSE
Omaque, fetch the Oraculum.
There’s a good duck.
The Platypus goes off while the Tweedles still tussle.
TWEEDLEDEE
Leave of f!
TWEEDLEDUIVI
Let go!
TWEEDLEDEE
Not now! Nohowl
ALICE
(to the Rabbit)
Are they always this way?
WHITE RABBIT
Family trait.
The Platypus returns carrying an ancient PARCHMENT, yellowed
with age and rolled into a SCROLL. He places it with great
reverence on a broken pedestal. Alice reads the title.
ALICE
“The Oraculum: Being a Calendrical
Compendium of tJnderland’
The Dodo unrolls the scroll. It’s a timeline depicting the
major events of each day. Every day has a title and an
illustration.
ALICE
It’s a calendar.
THE DODO
Compendium. It tells of each and
every day since the Beginning.
You see, here is Griblig Day…in
the Time of the Bloody Queen.
Dee points to the illustration.
TWEEDLEDEE
That being today. Griblig.
TWEEDLEDUM
I thought today was being
Quillian.
THE DORMOUSE
It’s Griblig. Tomorrow’s Quillian.
PLATYPUS
Eggsactually.
Alice looks at the illustration. It shows all of the animals
peering at the Oraculum, at that exact moment.
ALICE
Curious.
THE DORMOUSE
In Underland, we have a name
for every day.
ALICE
So do we. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday…
WHITE RABBIT
But ours never repeat.
ALICE
The names never repeat?
DODO
Why would they when no day is
ever the same?
ALICE
But don’t you get confused?
