since i didn’t know what time the premiere was supposed to start i wasn’t really sure when to go so i decided to go up the the theater at around 3:30 in the afternoon. i looked around trying to find axl, who said he was going to try to go, or cassady from the zone board. she was the only one who i knew for sure was going. she had said she was taking her small son with her so i looked for someone with a child, but couldn’t find one. my only other option was to go up to everybody there and ask if they were axl or cassady. i decided against that since i didn’t want the security guards, who outnumbered everybody else at the time, to think i was strange. i asked a few of them where to stand and was told to stand behind a barricade between the entrance for the red carpet trekkers and the main theater entrance. there were some photographers behind me. i don’t know why they were in that particular spot and lost track of them later on. but i think they were the lower level photogs, the paparazzi, if you will. i had become friendly with the closest guard and chatted with him frequently. i told him i was there representing the grandmothers for johnny crowd, which made him laugh. i don’t have any grandchildren myself but some of my friends from this board and the zone board who had encouraged me to go do have grandchildren and i’m certainly old enough so i made myself their rep. the guard got a big kick out of that and told people all afternoon that i was the “grandmothers for johnny” leader. one woman who stopped to ask him what was going on actually looked at me and said “are you johnny depp’s grandmother?” i got a big laugh out of that, because even though i’m biologically old enough to be his mother, if i started very early, there’s no way i’m old enough to be his grandmother. it helped pass the time, though. and i kept asking the guard if i was in the right place and he kept telling me i was.
i had been there for a long time. i don’t know how long really, but was beginning to get tired when all of a sudden a man came from around the side of the theater with several women and girls and a couple of men. he got some of the guards to help him and they dragged out another barricade and put it and all those people in front of me. i was very upset. i asked the guard i’d been friendly with what was happening. who were those people? he said they were supposed to be press people. i knew that couldn’t be completely true unless some of them were there representing their school newspapers. i was told that it didn’t matter how long i had been there i still had to stay behind the second barricade. i asked the guard to help me out and he said he would if he could find the man who had put them there. it must have been one of his supervisors. i found out after i got home that the group was made up of a few people who actually did have some kind of press i.d. and people who had been standing with them on the other side of the theater. it so happened that cassady and sam and some of the other zone board people were in that group. as time passed and the crowd grew my friendly guard was reassigned to a spot behind me on the other side of the main theater door. they had to keep that area open. then people from other places started coming under the barricade and getting in front of me. i went from the first row to about the sixth or seventh row very quickly. i complained to the guards but they just shrugged and said “tough.” needless to say i was very upset. earlier the friendly guard had asked me if it was alright if this girl who was a johnny fan could stand next to me even though there were already people behind. he said she was a real fan and had her camera with her. if i didn’t let her be “with me” she’d have to go to the back. so i said o.k. then, suddenly, she crawled under the barricade and got in front of me. i said to her “hey wait a minute. i helped you and now you’ve gotten in front of me.” she said she was sorry but i could tell the “frenzy” was upon her. finally i gave up trying to get the guards to be fair and worked my way around the barricade too. i told the girl she was just going to have to make room. she said there wasn’t any room. i told her she was just going to have to make room anyway. i said “i helped you didn’t i?” she said “uh, no!” i said. “yes i did and you know it. if it weren’t for me you wouldn’t be anywhere near here so make room.” she kept saying she couldn’t. i told her she was just going to have to. i think finally she really became ashamed of herself and found some room. especially when she realized i wasn’t kidding. i was kind of surprised at myself for being so insistant. and i think i was actually nasty to her. but fair is fair and johnny was coming.
it’s funny how the crowd shifts. people changed places and moved around even though none of us were really taking steps. the crowd sort of became a liquid and moved as a unit. as the celebrities began to arrive – the first one being geraldo rivera – who flashed a big smile at us and actually didn’t seem to notice that nobody took his picture. well, except for a few people who thought he was antonio banderas until he turned around and faced us. at that point i was sort of in the 3rd row. the woman in front of me was very displeased by that. she obviously didn’t like the fact that i had complained about her being put in front of me to begin with. she seemed to feel entitled to be in front of me and was angry that i didn’t recognize that. so every time i took a deep breath or stood on my toes to see better she would claim i was pushing her. i didn’t touch her. well, not any more than the tightness of the crowd forced me to. i didn’t want to touch her. she was icky! she kept jerking her head around and complaining about me and telling me to get away from her. at one point i said “have you ever been ignored?” she made some sound of disgust. and i said “well then you should know that it’s happening again.” she was really getting annoyed by this time. she kept saying something to the 2 girls in front of her. i don’t know what it was but i’m sure it had something to do with the marital state of my parents. nobody else seemed to mind that i was there, but she was furious. then she suddenly backed into me. then she jerked her head around and started in on me again. i said “look lady, you backed into me, i didn’t push you. and considering the fact that i was already here when you got here i think you’re being pretty unreasonable.” she snapped her head and snorted and said “well, i work for channel 7!” obviously, i was supposed to be impressed. i said “i work for the new york times, big deal!” i outranked her and she knew it. she shut up and didn’t say another word to me.
well, during all that the celebrities were coming in. robert rodriguez, the director, who must be at least 12 years old. cheech marin, enrique iglesias, then antonio banderas came in with his wife melanie griffith. he must have stayed with the press for 20 or 30 minutes, or it seemed that long, because after salma hayek joined him and they took some pictures there was only one star left. we were all waiting for banderas to finish and go inside. at least, i thought that johnny wouldn’t come until he was gone. i guess you know by now that johnny was the one everybody was waiting for and that he got the biggest reception. someone over at the zone board asked me how the other stars responded to johnny’s reception. of course banderas is the star of the movie. he has top billing and up until just recently we thought johnny’s role was very small, a cameo. he has number 3 billing now. i’ve wondered myself how banderas must be taking it that johnny, basking in the glow of jack sparrow, is now considered by most to be the main attraction. he’s not a stupid man so he must be aware of it. johnny was a bigger star to begin with and now he’s got all the glory. maybe that’s why he spent so much time with the press. he could have been trying to get as much attention as possible. but, if he was unhappy about it, he didn’t really show it. he wasn’t jumping up and down with joy but he was very pleasant, smiled and signed several autographs on his way in the theater. salma also smiled a big smile and signed some autographs before she went in with banderas and griffith. at some point during the banderas, hayek parade, much to my delight, my orange-haired nemesis from channel 7 suddenly left, making everything nicer and moving me up a spot.
that left one star to come. o.k. we knew he was coming. one of the guards said earlier that he had been in the group that picked johnny up at the airport that morning. we waited for what seemed like 3 days, but was actually only a few minutes. then there was a swell of excitement, some screaming and cries of “johnny, johnny, johnny!!!!!!” i caught a glimpse of him at the other end of the red carpet as he began his walk through the press line. he was wearing his pinstriped premiere uniform and i could see his glasses and that beautiful blond hair. some people began calling “vanessa, vanessa,” and i was glad to find out she was with him this time. he’s been by himself or with marilyn manson for all the premiere’s since sleepy hollow so i felt better about his well-being. we were all concerned about the terrible mess in the press lately questioning his patriotism and were afraid that it would cause a problem for hiim here. but there was none of that to be seen. i found out later that some of the press had given him a hard time but i certainly couldn’t see any sign of it then. i was trying so hard to keep up with where he was when somebody said “vanessa” again and i noticed an extremely thin young woman with her back to me being taken into the theater. i found out later, by matching her hair and dress to the pictures i saw, that it was indeed vanessa. johnny was still at the other end of the carpet. in her post on the zone board, sam said “he was so hard to see.” and i felt the same way. my vision isn’t the greatest to begin with and i was having a hard time seeing him. i would see his whole body for just a split second and then someone would move and he’d be gone. then he’d be back again, and gone again. then i’d see his head and nothing. i was trying to get pictures, but every time i’d get ready to snap one he’d be gone again. he spent only a fraction of the time banderas spent in the press line and was getting closer and closer with each passing moment. the excietment was building. i was feeling the power of his eyes and his presence. he would look down at us from time to time and as he got closer everytime he did the grip he had on me and everybody else would become tighter. i was able to see him a little better, too. he glows. i think that’s the best word. do you remember in gilbert grape when darlene cates, as gilbert’s mother, looks at johnny and says, “you’re my knight in shimmering armor.” he says, “i think you mean shining armor.” and she says “no, shimmering. you shimmer and you glow.” and he does. his face glows. it’s clean, and bright and beautiful. it’s hard to believe that he’s even better looking in person, but he is. and it’s hard to explain. it has to do with that glow. i think that’s why i like his hair blond so much. the light color enhances the glow. so many people said he looked tense and tired in the pictures from the premiere and they were worried about him. but i didn’t see that at all. when i looked at the pictures i knew what they meant. but the man i saw in those pictures and the man i saw in front of me didn’t look the same. i don’t know how to explain it. but the glow isn’t the same. and that hair! i love that hair. as he got closer to us the crowd behind me began to push forward. people were calling “johnny, johnny.” i found myself doing that too. i’m usually not so demonstrative but i was calling his name with everybody else. by the time he got to the theater door and stopped to sign autographs and speak with us the crowd had pushed me so far that i was within inches of him. there was still a couple of people between us but he was so close. the closer he got, the more beautiful he got. he was breathtaking. stunning mesmerizing. i could see him smiling and speaking very softly, his mouth formed the words “thank you.” and he smiled a sweet, loving smile. i found out later that the thank you and sweet smile was in response to cassady who had told him “america loves you, johnny.” i’m so glad she did that. it seemed to truly mean something to him. just as i was being pushed close enough to touch him one of the guards reached around and pulled him into the door. and he was gone.
the crowd retreated very quickly and i was left totally off balance. i would haven fallen down, but there was no place to fall. just as i would get far enough in one direction to go down i would bump into someone and be sent in the opposite direction. i finally grabbed onto the girl behind me until i could get my balance back and stand upright. i was mentally off balance too. it took a lot longer to get over that. we were asked to leave and i got my wits about me and did so. that was a mistake. i leaned later that he came back out and signed some more autographs, like nobodybutme said in her post. but i can’t cry over that, i’ll go crazy if i do (to quote scarlet o’hara). i must only think about how close i actually was to him and how beautiful he was and how sweet he was and that glow. it’s a beautiful memory for me. one i’ll always have.
thanks for letting me tell my story, vicki. use any part of it for whatever you want. i went over to where the after party was later. he didn’t show for that. i was disappointed but again i can’t complain about anything. except that there i was the only fan standing in the middle of a group of autograph dealers. they were disgusting and i felt unclean. but i can’t think about that now either. i’ll go crazy if i do.
